The Iron Knight (The Iron Fey 4)

“My family.” The admission was a mere whisper, and I covered my eyes with a hand. “Meghan, Keirran. I miss them… they were everything. I want them back.”

Ariel a put a hand on my shoulder, easing me close. “And even if that future came to pass,” she murmured in my ear, “would you want to miss it? Would you change anything, knowing how it will end?”

I pulled back to look at her, realization slowly dawning on me as we gazed at each other. “No,” I muttered, surprising myself. Because all the hurt, all the pain and loneliness and watching everyone leave me behind was overshadowed by the joy and pride I felt for Keirran, the deep contentment in Meghan's arms, and the blinding, all -encom-passing love I had for my family.

And maybe, that was what being human was all about.

Ariel a smiled back, though there was a hint of sadness in her eyes.

“Then you know what you have to do.”

I pulled her close and gently kissed her forehead. “Thank you,” I whispered, though it was hard for me to say, and I could tel it surprised Ariel a, as well . The fey never say thankyou, for fear it will put them in another's debt. The old Ash would never have let such a phrase escape his lips; perhaps this was just a sign of how human I was becoming.

I stood, pul ing her up with me. “I think I'm ready,” I said, gazing back at the castle. My heart beat faster in anticipation, but I wasn't afraid. “I know what I have to do.”

“Then,” said the Guardian, appearing behind us, “let us not waste another moment. Have you made your decision, knight?”

I pulled away from Ariel a and faced the Guardian squarely. “Yes.”

“And what have you decided?”

“My soul.” I felt a great weight lifted off my shoulders as I said this. No more doubts. No more agonizing. I knew my path, what I had to do. “I choose humanity, and all that comes with it. Weakness, conscience, mortality, everything.”

The Guardian nodded. “Then we come to the end at last. And you will be the first to claim what you have always sought, knight. Fol ow me.”

Puck joined us at the door, and together we followed the Guardian down the shadowed hal ways, up a twisting spiral staircase, to the landing of the highest tower. Through the door, the roof disappeared into open sky. Here, beneath the stars and constel ations, where sparkling bits of moon rock drifted by, trailing silver dust, the Guardian walked to the center of the platform and turned, beckoning me with a pale hand.

“You have endured all the trials,” it said as I stepped forward. “You have accepted what it means to be human, to be mortal, and without that knowledge a soul could not live within you for long. You have passed, knight. You are ready.

“But,” the Guardian continued in a solemn voice as my gut twisted nervously, “something as pure as soul cannot grow out of nothing. One final sacrifice remains, though it is not yours to make. For a soul to be born within you, a life must be given, freely and without reservation.

With this unselfish act, a soul can bloom from the sacrifice of one who loves you. Without it, you will remain empty.”

For a split second of blissful ignorance, the true meaning of what the Guardian said escaped me. Then the realization hit all at once, and an icy fist gripped my heart, leaving me numb. I stared at the Guardian for several heartbeats, horror slowly turning to anger. “Someone has to die for me,”

I whispered at last. The Guardian didn't move, and I felt a gaping hole tear open within, dropping me into blackness. “Then all this was for nothing.

Everything you threw at me, all I went through, was for nothing!”

Despair now joined the swirl of rage. I'd been through so much, endured so much, just to throw it away in the end. But this was something I could not all ow. “Never,” I gritted out, backing away. “I'll never let that happen.”

“It's not your sacrifice to make, Ash.”

Stunned, I turned as Ariel a walked past me, coming to stand before the Guardian. Her voice trembled a bit, but she held her head high.

“I'm here,” she murmured. “He has me. I'm will ing to make that choice.”

“Ari,” Puck breathed behind me.

No! I staggered toward her, panicked by what she was offering. My chest clenched in horror, in helpless desperation. It was the same feeling I'd had when I saw the wyvern strike her in the heart, when she lay dying in my arms, and I could only watch as she slipped away. This, I could stop. This, I would stop. “Ari, no,” I rasped, stepping in front of her. “You can't do this! If you die again…”

“This is why I'm here, Ash.” Tears fil ed her eyes as she turned to look at me, though she stil tried to smile. “This is why I came. I was returned to life for this moment, my final task, before Faery takes me back.”

“I won't accept that!” Desperately, I grabbed her arm, and she made no move to pul away. The Guardian watched us, silent and unmoving, as I faced her, pleading. “Don't do this,” I whispered. “Don't throw your life away. Not for me. Not again.”

Ariel a shook her head. “I'm tired, Ash,” she murmured, gazing right through me, at something I couldn't see. “It's been…long enough.”

Behind me, Puck blew out a shaky breath, and I hoped he would protest as well , keep her from this insane plan. But Robin Goodfel ow surprised me again, his voice subdued but calm. “I'm glad I got to see you again, Ari,” he said, and from the tremor beneath the surface, I could tel he was holding back tears. “And don't worry—I'll take care of him for you.”

“You were a good friend, Puck.” Ariel a smiled at him, though her eyes were shadowed, far away. “I'm happy I could give you two another chance.”

Feeling betrayed, I gripped her shoulders, hard enough to make her wince, though she stil didn't look at me. “I won't let you go,” I snarled, though my voice was beginning to crack. “You can't do this. I'll keep you alive by force if I have to!”

“Prince.” Grimalkin's cool, stern voice broke through my desperation.

The word lanced into me, shimmering with power, compel ing me to listen, to obey. I closed my eyes, fighting the compulsion, feeling my panic grow. The cait sith was cal ing in his favor.

“Don't, Grimalkin.” My words were a hoarse rasp through gritted teeth. “I will kill you if you order me, I swear I will.”

“I would not force you,” Grimalkin said in that same quiet, calm voice.

“But this is not your decision, prince. It is hers. all I ask is that you let her make that choice. Let her choose her own path, as you have done.”

My composure broke. I fel to my knees with a sob, clutching at Ariel a's dress, bowing my head. “Please,” I choked, tears streaming down my face.

“Ari, please. I'm begging you, don't go. I can't watch you die again.”

“I was already gone, Ash.” Ariel a's voice shook, too, her hand resting against the back of my head. “Al we had was borrowed time.” I sobbed, kneeling before her, as her fingers stroked my hair. “Let me do this,”

Ariel a murmured. Her fingers slipped under my jaw, gently turning my face to hers. “Let me go.”

I couldn't speak. Shaking, nearly blinded by tears, I let my hands fal to my lap. Ariel a pulled away, but her palm lingered against my cheek for a silent moment. I caught the tips of her fingers at the end, felt them slip from my grasp. “Remember me,” she whispered.

Then she turned and stepped toward the Guardian, who raised a hand to guide her forward. “It will not take long,” it said, and I thought I heard a note of admiration in the impassive voice. Ariel a nodded, taking a shaky breath as the Guardian raised a hand to her forehead, brushing back her silver hair.

“Will it hurt?” she whispered, so faint I barely caught it. The Guardian shook its cowled head.

“No,” it said gently, and a light began to form under its fingers, growing brighter with each passing second. “There will be no pain, Ariel a Tularyn.

Never again. Close your eyes.”

She glanced at me. For a moment, she looked exactly as she had when I first met her, unbowed by sorrow, her eyes shining with joy. She smiled, a real smile of love and happiness and forgiveness, and then the light grew too bright to look at and I had to turn away.

Deep within me, something stirred. The darkness that I'd kept locked away, the part of me that was all Unseelie: hate, violence and black rage, rushed to the surface with a roar, seeking to overwhelm me. But it was met by something bright and pure and intense, a miasma of light that seared away the darkness, fil ing every corner and expanding outward, until there was no place left for the blackness to hide. I shivered, reeling from the f lood of light and color and emotion, not knowing how empty I had been until that moment.

The brightness faded. I was kneeling on an empty platform at the End of the World, moondust and rock swirling around me. The Guardian stood a few feet away, alone, leaning on its staff as if winded.

Ariel a was gone.

The Guardian straightened, gazing at me through the darkness of its cowl. “Take a few moments for your grief,” it said, cold and formal once more.

“When you are ready, meet me at the gates of the Testing Grounds. I have one last thing to give you before we part.”

I barely noticed when the Guardian left. Numbly, I gazed at the spot where Ariel a had stood seconds before. Grimalkin had also disappeared, the parapet that held him empty and bare, as if he'd cleared out the second the ceremony was finished. I tried to be angry at the cat, but it was futile.

Even if he hadn't come, Ariel a would stil have made her decision. I knew her well enough to know she would've found a way. I couldn't muster any rage through the numbing grief weighing me down like a heavy blanket. Ariel a was gone. She was gone. I had let her go, again.

A presence stepped up beside me, but it wasn't the Guardian. “It wasn't your fault, Ash,” Puck said quietly. “It never was. She made her choice a long time ago.”

I nodded, stil not trusting myself to speak. Puck sighed, crouching next to me, gazing around the tower. “I don't know about you,” he said, completely serious, “but I'm about ready to go home. Let's get Furbal , check to see if the Wolf is stil alive, and get out of here.”

“Yeah,” I muttered without getting up. “Just…give me a few minutes.”

“Right,” Puck said, and I expected him to leave. He didn't, but settled on the ground beside me, crossing his long legs. And we gazed at the spot where Ariel a had smiled at me and disappeared in a bril iant burst of light, as fitting an end as I could think of. After a moment, Puck put a hand on my shoulder.

This time, I didn't brush it off.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

THE RETURN

Puck and I didn't speak as we walked through the empty, dark corridors of the Testing Grounds together, lost in our own thoughts. I glanced over once and saw him hastily wipe his eyes before quickly turning a corner. The hal ways seemed emptier now, the shadows deeper, as we navigated the hal s with one less than when we had started out.

Ariel a was gone. I didn't know how she'd done it, accompanying us, helping us, knowing all along that she wasn't coming back. This was twice I had lost her, twice I'd been forced to watch her die. But at least she had chosen her path this time. She had made her choice long ago, and if Faery brought her back, then surely it would not let her disappear as if she had never existed. A life as bright as hers must linger on somewhere; Ariel a Tularyn was far too loved and cherished to simply fade away and be forgotten. It was a smal comfort, but I clung to it with my remaining composure and hoped that, wherever she was, whatever state she existed in, she was happy.