I suck in a trembling breath. Tears are leaking everywhere, down my temples and cheeks, soaking my pillow.
That’s it.
I can’t take this anymore. Time to call in the cavalry.
Kate picks up on the first ring.
“Finally,” she says. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all week! Where the hell have you been, and what are you not telling me?”
I scoff. “Good morning to you too.”
“Aw, honey, you don’t sound good.”
A pause as the ache in my throat swells. “I can’t eat, and I can’t sleep, and I’m at a loss, Kate. I miss him.” I take a shaky breath. “Can you talk? I know weekends are tough for you to get out.”
“Please. Every day is tough for me to get out. But by some miracle, Jane is home today, and she’s not on call. I’ll be over in twenty.” A wail sounds in the background. “Make that ten. I’m leaving now. Like, right now. PS I’m in my pajamas, so don’t judge.”
“Apparently I look like I got punched in the face, so. Yeah. No judgment here.”
Kate does indeed show up in her pajamas, bearing gifts of coffee and bagels. Lauren shows up not long after with a box of tissues tucked under one arm and a handle of vodka tucked under the other.
“Why eat all those carbs”—she nods at the bagels—“if they don’t have something to soak up?”
I nibble on my toasted cinnamon raisin bagel, heavy on the butter, while Kate gulps her coffee and Lauren stirs up a pitcher of Bloody Marys.
“Thank you guys for coming over,” I say. “I’m sorry to call you at the crack ass of dawn on a Saturday.”
Setting a Bloody Mary in front of me, Lauren waves away my words. “I lost the ability to sleep in when I hit thirty-five. Plus, Justin was snoring so bad this morning, I was happy to escape.”
“Same.” Kate plucks the celery stalk from her drink and bites down on it with a satisfying crunch. “It turns out toddlers love Saturdays so much they wake up at five.”
I wince. “Ouch.”
“Yup.” She lifts a shoulder. “But kids that age are so freaking happy in the mornings. It’s sweet. And exhausting. But mostly sweet. I do enjoy that time, even if I feel like I’ve lived a whole day by eight AM.”
The normalcy of our conversation, along with the bed-mussed company of my friends, is an enormous comfort. My face is puffy and sore, but overall, things feel less dire than they did an hour ago.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch this week,” I say, wiping my hands on a napkin. “I hoped I could get over this whole thing on my own. But clearly, that hasn’t happened.”
Kate sips her coffee. “What did happen?”
“In a nutshell?” I take a breath. My throat starts to ache again. “I fell for Hank. Really, we fell for each other.”
Lauren blinks. “Okay. Wow.”
“I know it sounds crazy. But our connection—”
“Was instant,” Kate says. “I could tell. I saw it when we were in Vegas.”
“You saw what?”
Lauren sets down her cocktail. “I’ll be honest, I haven’t seen you smile and laugh that way with anyone. Ever.”
“Including Dan,” Kate adds.
Rolling my tongue between my lips, I say, “Well, yeah, hard not to smile and laugh when you’re having this sexy little weekend with a super hot guy.”
“It was more than that.” Kate shakes her head. “It was a sexy weekend, sure. I think y’all had this special understanding of each other. You saw him, and he saw you, and he adored you.”
“And worshipped you.” Lauren smiles. “Hank loved that you were such a badass at the tables. You loved how thoughtful he was. Plus those biceps . . .”
I wince again. “Please, please don’t remind me of his biceps. Kate, didn’t you tell me that I wasn’t at risk of falling in love with Hank? You told me it was teenage fever. Now you’re saying you knew we had it bad back in Vegas?”
She lifts her hands and shrugs. “You needed to be talked off the ledge. I didn’t want you making a mistake by cutting short the incredible weekend you and Hank were having. I did what had to be done.”
“As a good friend should,” Lauren says.
“But you falling for him is still a problem,” Kate continues, “because he’s young and idealistic, and he wants to get married and have a family.”
I nod. “It’s not his age that’s the problem. He’s actually very mature. And thoughtful, like you said. It’s the fact that we want completely different things.”
Lauren reaches over and wraps her hand around mine. “I know you don’t want to get married again. Trust me, I get it.”
“We all do,” Kate says.
“But what I don’t get is why you’re cutting yourself off from having any relationship at all. Especially with such a stand-up guy.”