The Crown of Gilded Bones (Blood and Ash 3)

I jolted. “You love your people—”

“But I love you more.” Flecks of gold burned brightly in his eyes, churning restlessly. “Do not underestimate what I would or would not do to ensure your happiness. I think you know this by now. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do, Poppy. Nothing.”

I did. Gods, he’d already done the unthinkable by Ascending me, but he’d been prepared for me to become a vampry. He would’ve fought anyone and everyone who came near him to keep me alive, even if I became a monster. I didn’t doubt him now.

“This is about you, about what you’re comfortable with and what you want,” he continued. “No one is going to force this choice on you. It will be your call, and then we will deal with whatever may or may not happen. Together.”

A soft tremble worked its way through me. I didn’t doubt what he said. I didn’t underestimate him. I was at a loss for what to say as I stared at him in silence, utterly overwhelmed. That kind of devotion? His promise? It was…it was life-altering.

And maybe the truth was that I wasn’t worthy of him.

I rose and walked around the table to where he sat without really understanding what I was doing. He tilted his head back, watching me silently. I didn’t let myself think about what I was doing or if it was normal or acceptable. I just did what I wanted, what felt right to me. My senses were open to him, and I felt a rush of warmth and sweetness as I sat in his lap. His arms immediately wound around me, and he held me tightly as I wiggled as close to him as I could get, tucking my head under his chin.

I closed my eyes. “I hope this chair doesn’t collapse on us.”

Casteel chuckled as he dragged a hand over my hair. “I’ll break your fall if it does.”

“Stop being sweet.”

“I was just pointing out that I would, indeed, break your fall if the chair broke as it would be me who hit the floor first,” he said, brushing my hair back from the side of my face. “And you’re the one being sweet right now.” His arms tightened around me and then relaxed only slightly. “I like it.”

“I like you,” I murmured, pressing my fingers into his chest. “You know what it means to me, having that choice. That freedom.” Emotion swelled in my chest and burned its way up my throat. “It means everything to me.”

He slid his hand around to my cheek, tilting my head back. Dipping his head, he kissed me softly. “I know.”

“You are worthy of me, Cas. I need you to know that.”

“With you in my arms, I feel worthy,” he said, pressing his lips against mine once more. “I do.”

“I want you to feel worthy of me when I’m not in your arms.” I placed my fingers against his cheeks. “Why would you think you’re not? After all you’ve done for me?”

He was quiet, and I could feel the sourness of shame as thick lashes lifted. “What about all I’ve done to you? I know you’ve accepted these things, but that doesn’t change that I lied to you. That because of those lies, you were hurt. Because of what I did, people died—people you loved.”

My heart ached. “Neither of us can change the past, Cas, but because you lied, I saw the truth of the Ascended. People were hurt—Loren, Dafina.” I drew in a shaky breath. “Vikter. But how many lives have you saved? Countless, I’m sure. You saved mine in more ways than we probably even know.”

A small smile appeared and then faded, and I sensed it was about more than just what had happened to me. His shame and guilt ran so much deeper than that.

“Talk to me,” I whispered.

“I am.”

“I mean, really talk to me.” I smoothed my fingers along his cheeks. “What makes you think you’re unworthy of me?”

His throat worked on a swallow. “Are you reading my emotions?”

“No.” I sighed when he arched a brow. “Kind of.”

He chuckled, the sound hoarse. “I don’t know, Princess. There are things that…come into my head sometimes. Things that lived in my head when I was caged by the Ascended. I don’t know how to put them into words, but even if I did, neither of us need to deal with that right now.”

“I disagree,” I said empathetically. “We do.”

One side of his lips tipped up. “We have a lot on our plates. You have a lot on yours. I’m not going to add to that. I don’t need to,” he added when I opened my mouth. “I’m okay, Poppy. Trust me when I say that.”

“Cas—”

He kissed me, capturing my lips in a deep, drugging sort of kiss. “I’m okay, Princess. I swear.”