“He’s not carrying me to bed.”
She’s quiet, helping me balance and urging me forward. The scent of lavender incense from earlier lingers in the air but does nothing to calm me.
“Good luck.” She leaves with an encouraging squeeze.
Evin’s body is facing the wall, and he doesn’t budge when I get in, sitting close.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for the way you feel. I’m sorry, too.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“I did plenty wrong, starting with missing the signs you were so unhappy.”
Unhappy. That fucking word is like a branded Scarlett letter. “Those things I spewed earlier, they weren’t meant to come out that way.”
“Poppy, it’s late. I’m wiped. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Our life in Charleston is everything to me.” I push, hoping he’ll understand
Silence.
“Will you please roll over and look at me?”
He rotates a few inches, giving me his face. The guarded reflection in his eyes is unlike anything I’ve seen and slices deep. Knowing it’s my fault hurts worse than any pain I’ve ever felt.
“I lied to you earlier. It wasn’t a lie at the time, but now it’s clear. My over-eagerness and hyper-drive for intense therapy were to prove something. You were right. The challenge fueled my arrogance. Subconsciously, it took me back to the seventeen-year-old girl who had everything to prove. The next four years of my life were a constant strive for perfection and approval. It wasn’t until Cirque that I shed the pressure on myself. Today, in that office, it unintentionally came back in spades. Dante helped me realize the truth. I want to impress with my recovery, but more so, I wanted to prove that Tasha can’t beat me.”
“She’s not a factor here. This is about you.”
“I know and tonight it all came into perspective. She tried to seduce you, only to be humiliated. Her ridiculously childish intent to trip me damaged my ability to perform on a stage career, but you gave me another career. She tried to sabotage your reputation, and that backfired, working out to your advantage. It’s annoying that she’s out there trying to wreak havoc because she’s a self-absorbed bitch. But for the first time in her life, she’s losing.
“What happened earlier, the way I lashed out… I don’t even know who that person was. Nothing about our lives is menial, and everything we do gives me purpose. Please don’t let the awful things said ruin us.”
His eyes warm, and he fully turns, bringing his hand to my cheek. “Jesus, Poppy. You’re my wife, not my seventh-grade girlfriend. Nothing will ruin us.”
His words send relief racing through me. My palm goes to his chest, covering his heart and my flower. “I’m really sorry.”
“Your condition is a setback; it doesn’t make you helpless nor crippled.”
“That was multiple personality Poppy. Let’s hope she never makes an appearance again.”
“She said some things that made sense, specifically Rexwell controlling your fate.”
“That was overly dramatic. We know it’s the therapist who truly holds the cards at this point.”
“Maybe, but I called him. Talked it through. If you want to come back for therapy after Thanksgiving, he’s onboard.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“To be closer to him. You could resume some light workouts with your Cirque trainers and get the water training.”
“Do you want that?”
“My wants don’t factor in. This is about you and what will satisfy your personal goals.”
“You don’t think your opinion matters on where we live?”
His blank expression grips me in terror. “Are we living together?”
“I’ll travel back and forth. It’ll be like before.”
I try to pull my hand away, but he catches my wrist, holding it in place. “Poppy, this is all for you.”
“Are you trying to punish me?”
His head jerks, his eyebrows drawing together. “Punish you? Never. I’m trying to give you back your normalcy.”
“No.” I shake my head fiercely, squeezing my eyes to stop the blistering agony building inside. “There’s nothing normal about us living apart.”
“We did it before.”
“Yes, before, Evin!” My eyes pop open, panic creeping into my voice. “Before this happened and I knew what it was truly like to have the beauty we have together every day. What about Devin’s birthday? What about the birth of the babies? What about the holidays, decorating our home for the first time? Do you think I want to miss all those things to work-out with my Cirque crew? You think that will make me feel normal?”
“If this is what you choose, we’ll deal with the details.”
“There are no details to deal with because my answer is no. No way in hell am I giving up what we have.”
My nose, eyes, and throat sting, his face becoming blurry.
“Come here.”
I scoot and fall into him at once, attaching myself and holding back the tears. He doesn’t need to comfort me. “I love you. And I love that you’re protective, even if I pretend differently. I love that your first reaction today was concern for me.”