Autumn Night Whiskey (Tequila Rose 2)

“No,” I answer while tossing both the phone and the remote back onto the coffee table. “I feel awful and stupid and like I can’t do anything right.”

Renee cuts in, “It’s called dumb for dick … It’s a real thing.” She mouths the word “dick” and as if on cue, Bridget peeks up at her although Renee smiles innocently back.

A huff of a laugh turns genuine at my lips and it’s the first laugh I’ve had today.

Ping. The semblance of a smile is quickly erased as I check the notification on my phone. My stomach drops and I freeze with my phone in my hand.

“You okay?” Renee doesn’t hide her concern. “You just went pale all of a sudden.”

The email is sitting right there and it’s only a click away. Before I can answer her that the paternity test results are in, there’s a knock at the door.

With my nerves plucking away at my rational side, I ask Renee, “Can you answer it?” My fingers hover over the inbox of my email. They’re numb and refuse to press the button.

Every fear I’ve had ramps up, but they’re all silenced by the sound of a familiar voice asking, “Is she here?”

I peek up to find Renee opening the door wider, her sorrowful expression seen before Robert steps inside.

“Bridge, do you want to build a playpen for Kitty in your room?” I ask my daughter, my heart racing. My hand trembles as I set the phone down, but other than that, I’m all smiles as I talk to Bridget. Renee helps me convince her to head to her bedroom.

“Thank you,” I tell her and then stare back at Robert, who’s a pitiful sight. Before I can say a word, my eyes fill with tears.

“Mags, please, don’t.” Standing there, whispering his plea, a man I know to be strong and capable drops to his knees. With both of his hands raised, his glossy eyes meet mine and he professes, “I love you.”

With my hand over my mouth, I stifle back all my agony and make my way to him until I’m on the floor as well, my knees digging into the carpet and my hands over his. I can barely stand to look him in the eyes. His strong arms wrap around me and I rest my head on his shoulder. He does the same as he rocks me and kisses the crook of my neck. “I love you,” he repeats. “I promised I’d love you forever.”

Sobs wrack through me as my nails dig into his flannel shirt. “I think you wanted me to say more and I wish I had. I’m sorry.” He barely gets out the words, but somehow he makes them sound strong. Pulling back, with both of his hands on my shoulders his pale blue eyes seek mine so he can tell me, “I’m sorry I didn’t stay with you every night.

“I will make it all right. I will change. I will …” he trails off, taking a moment with his eyes closed before opening them to peer back at me. “I didn’t know what to do.” He grieves our past in atonement. All the while he wipes under my eyes, rather than his own.

I confess, “I didn’t know either.”

That’s the crux of our love. Life was brutal and we barely weathered it. Just kids moving through life with no guide, only leaning on each other in ways maybe we shouldn’t have. At least we can say we did it with love. It left a tangled mess, but my heart knows it’s true.

“I love you,” I tell him, and sit back with my legs folded underneath me. There’s hope in his eyes, until I finish and a piece of my heart begs me not to, but I have to. “But it’s not fair to you, Robert.”

“Don’t,” he begs me and I lay my heart bare.

“You were my first love—”

“Please, Mags.” His head falls but I keep going.

“I love you, I always will, but it’s a different kind of love. It’s ours and no one can replace it, but it’s not the same.”

Inhaling a shaky breath, he respects the distance I put between us, inching back, but our hands are still entwined. His strong hands are now wrapped around mine. Even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t let his hands go. I grip them back just as much as he holds me.

“I know it’s late to say it now. But if I could go back, I would change everything, Mags. I wish I could just go back.” Swallowing thickly, he waits for me to say something, but I can’t. Every word I know, every plea, every reason, every memory threatens to suffocate me if I dare speak. All I can do is shake my head, knowing how much I love Brody, how much loving him scares me, but how very real it is.