“What’s up?” she asked me, making me realize I had been zoning out.
“Sorry, what?” I asked her.
“Sister-sense. I have it too, you know.”
“Right,” I chuckled, then sighed. “I’m just trying to decide about something.”
“Whether or not it’s a good idea to be with Ragnar in a serious way?” Jonna asked knowingly.
“Wow, good guess.”
“The benefit of experience.”
She had me there. Jonna had a lot more experience, at least in particular aspects of life. What used to look like mistakes, she reshaped into adventures and leaning opportunities.
If anyone would understand what was going on with Ragnar, it was her. Jonna could see it from both sides.
“We’re just so different,” I admitted to her.
“How so?” Jonna pressed.
“Well, we have different cultures.”
“Do you now, Olga? You think you have a radically different culture than Ragnar Karlssen?” she asked.
I grimaced at the pointed use of my first name.
“Okay, in terms of background no, but he grew up in Norway, and we were raised here. I’m American, really.”
“And Ragnar is a Norwegian living in America. Sounds like an opportunity for both of you.”
“I never really thought about it that way.”
“What are sisters for?”
That was another line she took from me. Things really had gone topsy-turvy. If only that were what was really concerning me.
I liked that Ragnar and I had a shared cultural history. I’d learned a bit on my own, but Norse-Americans were difficult to come by, particularly on the west coast.
“Then there’s the other thing,” Jonna promoted.
“Other thing?”
“Come on, sis. This is me, your screw-up of a baby sister who was nearly disowned twice. I know what it’s like to go against expectations. Ragnar is a metal head and looks it. You definitely don’t, except with special effort. I’m guessing you like his band?”
“Yes,” I confessed, my cheeks getting warm.
“Most people do. They have what most producers would call ‘cross-over appeal,’ like Metallica with the Black Album.”
“I thought it was the White Album.”
“That’s the Beatles. It’s a bit of an inside joke.”
“I wouldn’t have thought they would have fans in common.”
She shrugged.
“Music does that. And sometimes a genre just grabs you, like metal grabbed me. And apparently, now, you.”
The denial caught in my throat, screaming for release despite the ultimate truth of the matter. I had stepped, however shallowly, into the pool of Metal, and surprisingly liked what I found there.
“True,” I finally agreed.
“But you’re worried about your reputation. What might happen if your friends and colleagues found out you’re with a dirty headbanger?”
“Ragnar is not dirty,” I protested on reflex.
“No, he isn’t, and neither am I. I’m as much of a metalhead as Ragnar, but he’s just managed to make it a career. Are you embarrassed by me? Do you try to hide my very existence?”
“No, I would never.”
“Exactly.”
Casey started to fuss a bit, moving, and twisting in my arms, patting my chest with his tiny hand.
“Oh, I think he’s hungry,” she remarked.
“I definitely don’t have what he’s looking for,” I joked.
I passed Casey back to Jonna, who started to nurse him, a blanket over her shoulder to conceal herself, just as the food she’d already ordered arrived.
Jonna had known exactly what to order. I loved every bit of it, each bite like a jubilee bursting in my mouth. She must have been paying attention during our rare family outings. At periodic intervals, I would look at Casey, and wonder.
Do I want this kind of life, too?
Chapter Ten - Stephanie
It was inexplicable. An impulse from the unexplored depths of being, like the driving urge to climb a mountain, or jump off a low cliff into deep blue water just because the opportunity was there.
But I had to try on the show clothes again. They were even more comfortable this time than they had been the first time.
I tucked in the shirt, just to double-check. My ass indeed looked wonderful in the jeans, still visible under the bottom of the biker jacket. I didn’t have the makeup anymore, but it still worked.
It felt good, if not entirely natural, still one up on my office clothes, which felt neither comfortable nor natural, and were just something I wore because I was told to. I was honestly beginning to see the attraction for people like Jonna and Ragnar. Even if Varg’s look seemed a bit over the top.
Urged by curiosity, I went to my computer and, with little trouble, found the Suspicious Activity Records website. Loki’s Laugh was there of course, listed as a ‘coming soon.’
They’d started playing new songs live which I figured were from the new album. Going further down the drop menu, I found other names, some of which I recognized in passing and others I didn’t know at all. Dante Street Massacre and, of course, Autumn Corrosion rang a bell.
There were a number of others that were complete new to me. In my newfound spirit of discovery, I downloaded everything of theirs I could get, their listings joining Loki’s Laugh on my account.