Silence hangs over us for a long moment. There’s been something weighing on my mind. The one thing I haven’t yet told Lycan about me—what happened at college. Even though I told my mother some of it, I didn’t admit the whole truth, not to her. But Lycan would understand, at least, I hope he will.
“Will you tell me something,” he says as he works, interrupting my inner thoughts. He slices the bread, and I watch him add the spread before grabbing some cheese and tomato, layering it perfectly. He then continues to heat the cooker and places a pan on the stove.
“What would you like to know?” I smile, taking in the way he builds the layers of cheesy goodness. The heat of the cooker warms me, as he sets the sandwich in, and the sizzle starts.
“When you were studying,” he starts, but he doesn’t have to continue because my secret is something he already knows about. Perhaps not the whole truth, but what I’ve kept hidden for so long, is about to come out. “Something happened.”
Two words cause my breath to catch. Lycan doesn’t say anything more as he picks up a plate after shutting off the pan. “My kind of grilled cheese,” he explains, but he doesn’t look at me. “I can’t be your father, or give you those years back, but I can show you the affection I feel for you now. I can look after you and care for you.” He sounds almost sad, as if he would do it if he could, and my chest aches with emotion.
“I know, Lycan. I know that because you’ve already given me so much.” When he finally turns around to face me, he’s offering me the plate with a steaming grilled sandwich with cheese melting from the corners. The scent makes my stomach rumble once more, causing him to laugh out loud.
“Eat.” An order. One I don’t argue with because I’m famished.
He watches me for a long while, a smile on his face as I moan at the deliciousness of my sandwich. It’s such a simple thing, but it’s definitely one I’m enjoying. Once I’m done, Lycan takes the plate from me and sets it on the counter.
“I had just turned eighteen when I went to my first frat party,” I start. I finished school a year earlier than everyone else and managed to get into college with my father’s connections. “I was young and stupid, but also, I wasn’t. I’ve read the stories of girls who got hurt, who got…” Shaking my head, I drop my gaze, the guilt and shame of what happened still haunts me. It’s like a phantom pain that just doesn’t seem to go away.
“You got drunk?” Lycan urges gently as he watches me.
I shake my head. “No. I was actually still sober. A little buzzed, but sober.” When I finally lift my gaze to meet his, I continue, “These two guys danced with me for most of the night, and I felt powerful, in control, until I wasn’t.”
“And nobody helped you?” I can hear the rage burning in his words. The question drenched in pure anger at the fact that I was alone, and none of the students bothered to come to my aid.
“They were all pretty wasted. I mean,” I whisper now, feeling the burden of what happened. “I was alone with them in this room. One pinned me to the wall, the other stuck his fingers under my skirt, inside my panties.”
With every word I mutter, I watch as Lycan’s rage takes over and the wolf bares its teeth. I’m sure if those boys walked in here now, they’d be mauled by my husband.
“I wasn’t… They didn’t get any further than their fingers. They didn’t rape me,” I finally utter the words. “But…” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Fear and adrenalin had spiked through me, at least, that’s what I tell myself because I… I...”
“You were wet, turned on,” Lycan finishes for me, and I shamefully nod. “I don’t want you to ever feel ashamed to tell me something.” His voice is low, rough with emotion. “What happened to you was reprehensible. But how you deal with it, in your mind, in your heart, that’s how you cope. If you want to talk to someone, a professional, I’ll go with you, or not. But I never want you to feel as if this is your fault for enjoying a fantasy, or a kink.”
“I think…” Sighing, I rub my hands over my face, trying to come up with a reason for it. There’s no doubt I felt broken, betrayed by my own body. The helpless feeling, along with the way they touched me flicked a switch inside me, and now I’m delving even deeper into the darkness.
“Anything we do, every moment we’re in a scene, or each time I touch you, if you feel you need to stop, if you have to walk away, tell me.” The honesty in Lycan’s gaze heals my shattered heart, not completely, but the way he’s looking at me with so much love and affection, makes me wonder if my beliefs all these years, were a lie. “I love you, Scarlett Bardot, and I’ll do anything for you.” There’s no lie in his admission. He would do anything for me.