Reckless (Mason Family 3)

“Girlfriend, I’m telling you, if this was too much for him, he’d find the nicest way to tell you. He wouldn’t make you guess. He’s not a jerk. Which, now that I think about it, makes me really kind of mad that I didn’t ditch Ted and try to hook up with him.”

I know she’s kidding. I even know that would’ve been in the past—before I met him.

Still, it gets under my skin, and I have to talk myself down from saying something catty.

“I know,” I say instead. “But I just … it’s probably fine. It’s all fine. I’m fine.”

She laughs. “You can’t just I’m fine yourself out of your feelings. That’s not healthy.”

“It’s healthier than spiraling down a case of the nerves.”

“Could you be pregnant?”

I gasp. “What? No. No, I couldn’t be.” I catch myself. “I mean, we’ve had sex, but he’s used a condom, and I … No. I’m not pregnant. Fuck you for even mentioning that right now. Geez.”

“I was just trying to help.”

“Well, you’re not.” I look at the ceiling and try to calm myself. Try to be rational. “He just made a comment to me about a plan he has. And then someone is coming over. Apparently, he and Wade were talking about the pitfalls of marriage today.”

“So, let me get this straight. You’re afraid he’s going to propose?”

My eyes nearly fall out of my head. “No, Lib. I’m afraid he’s going to have a plan to segue himself out of this. Like maybe he thinks this is too fast, and I’m thinking we’re forever, and he wants to find the nicest way to tell me. Just like you said.” I slap my forehead with my palm. “That has to be it.”

She falls quiet on the other side of the line. While it’s uncomfortable and I wish she’d just keep the conversation going so I don’t wallow in this misery, it’s better than the crunching.

My stomach twists. Nausea bubbles in my throat. I feel wildly out of control on an emotional level as reality pummels me.

That I know I’m right. That it was probably inevitable.

That now, because of my willingness to buy into a relationship with a man at a time when I was vulnerable, I’m going to have to try to shield Rosie from all of it too.

Dammit.

“For what it’s worth,” Libby says, jolting me out of my daymare, “if I were you, I’d think that a proposal was much more likely than a breakup. But that’s me and my unbiased, clear vision speaking.”

I want her to be right. So much. So much that it boosts my hopes despite the fact that I know raising them will only hurt when the truth comes out.

And I’m right.

“Boone!” Rosie shouts his name as she runs down the hallway. “Boone!”

I poke my head around the corner. “I’m here, Rosie.”

She screeches to a halt. “Where’s Boone?”

“He’s at work.”

“Still?”

“Yes, still. He’ll be home soon.”

“Okay.” She walks to me and takes my hand. “Let’s play school.”

I look down at her. “Go sit at the table, and I’ll be there in a second.” I turn my attention back to the phone. “I gotta go, Lib.”

“Call me later. And breathe. This is going to be fine. I promise.”

“Thanks.”

“Bye, Jax.”

“Bye, Libby.”

I feel so bad. I should be the one comforting Libby. After all, I know what it’s like to be cheated on and rejected, but all I can focus on is my life. My future. Well, Rosie’s and my future. Libby deserves so much more from me.

And this is why it’s so absurd that Ted cheated on her. She’s sunshine and roses, one of the best people I know, and he cheated on her. It doesn’t make sense. I hope she does steamroll him, whatever that means.

But what else doesn’t make sense is Boone and me. There is no way that Boone is thinking of proposing marriage. No. Way. I’m … me. And now, well, I’m a package deal.

But how on earth do I make plans to move out and start fresh somewhere when I don’t have a job and need stability for Rosie? Deep breath, Jaxi.

You’ll never amount to anything, Jacqueline. Everything you touch ends in disaster. You infect everyone with your darkness.

No. This is not the time to hear Mom’s voice. I’m determined to do this right.

I head into the kitchen and pull out a workbook of letters and a pencil. Siggy not only supplied toys and games for Rosie but she also gave her these pre-Kindergarten workbooks that she loves. I’m so grateful for Siggy because I would’ve been out of my depths more than I could’ve predicted.

When I sit with Rosie, her eyes are full of excitement. She takes the pencil from my hand, making me so very thankful. She’s happy.

I stroke a lock of hair out of her eyes and try to take a second before I switch gears.