That’s what stopped her confiding in him.
In the end, she talked herself out of it.
She would have to deal with this on her own. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t used to taking care of herself.
Eventually, Jaeden was sent to find her, but Caia didn’t open the door to her or anyone, claiming she was tired and needed to sleep.
She shut herself in her room the next day. Jaeden had called, Ella had hovered, and Lucien had threatened to break down the door. At that, she’d whispered she was okay, she promised, she was just exhausted, but they shouldn’t worry.
But they had.
Caia felt it radiating throughout the house. How she could feel it—as strongly as she felt her own emotions—she didn’t know, and it had worsened her anxiety.
Jaeden wasn’t accepting her feeble reassurances. She’d dragged Caia over and into her car as soon as she’d arrived at school on Monday.
Caia looked out the passenger window at a cat dashing from belly to belly of the cars parked around them. Its simple happiness made Caia envious.
“Caia.” Jaeden finally broke the silence between them. “You have to tell me what’s wrong.”
Her friend wouldn’t to give up and Caia wasn’t going to tell her the truth, so she decided to waylay her with the other something on her mind. “Lucien kissed me on Saturday.”
Jaeden’s eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and she let out a startled whoop. “Oh. My. Goddess.”
Caia managed a wan smile. “Yeah.”
Jaeden grabbed her arm, shaking her. “Caia, are you crazy? Aren’t you happy? I thought this was what you wanted?”
“It’s just a crush, Jae.”
Her friend shook her head, refusing to accept that. “You can’t say that.”
“Yes, I can, and it is.”
“Cy … a crush is what I have for Ryder. He’s gorgeous, and he has a cool, dangerous job. But I haven’t spent time with him, gotten to know, not the way you have with Lucien.”
“What are you getting at?”
“Have you considered the possibility that what you feel is more than a crush? That you might be falling for him … and he for you?”
Caia twisted her lips in thought and looked down at her hands, clutching the straps of her backpack so tightly, her knuckles turned white. She liked Lucien. A lot. And she was, of course, attracted to him. But in love with him? Did she really know him well enough for it to be that? Did she even want it to be that?
“No.”
“No?”
The sounds of laughter from inside drifted toward her ears. She could hear a teacher telling a student not to write on the desk; a class giggling at one of the few funny teachers in there; a girl stuttering over a class presentation. It was all so normal, so human. But she wasn’t human. She wasn’t even sure she was a normal lykan. The only examples of reality she’d had in her life were the bonds of friendship she shared with the girl by her side. And goddess forgive her, all she wanted right then was for Jaeden to go away. To leave her alone so she could go back to ignoring the fact that something was happening to her, good or bad, she didn’t know.
And to top it off, her crush on a lykan she could never have had gone from hot to sizzling in a matter of twenty-four hours. She glanced back out the window at that cat. If what was inside her was dangerous, she would take herself far away from these people she’d begun to love.
Caia smiled humorlessly as she thought of the day she’d told Sebastian that China was always an option if worse came to worst. She had always wanted to see the Great Wall.
“Caia?”
She looked back at her friend and placed a reassuring hand over hers. “I’m not meant for him, Jaeden.”
“Maybe that’s not your decision.”
Caia really couldn’t handle another speech about the gods and fate. “I better get to class.”
“Caia …”
She shook her head and got out of the car. “We’ll talk later.”
Alexa smiled like the cat that ate the canary. It put Caia’s back up as she slid into her seat in English. She didn’t even want to know what was going on with her.
When fifteen minutes went by, and Alexa hadn’t said anything, Caia relaxed minimally, trying to concentrate on the passages the teacher asked them to read. As per usual, the class was rowdy and obnoxious, and the poor teacher had trouble controlling them.
“So, you missed all the excitement on Saturday night,” Alexa purred.
“Really,” she muttered back, uninterested.
“Mm,” Alexa continued, a smugness in her voice that alerted Caia. Her skin prickled unexpectedly, the hair on the nape of her neck standing up. What the Hades? She looked at Alexa. “Yeah. While you were gone, to gods know where, I helped Lucien mop up. He was very grateful.” She sighed dreamily. “And then we got to talking. Really talking, you know.”