“I love you too,” she whispered.
“That’s good.”
A deep silence settled upon the truck, and Caia began to shake with exhaustion and fear.
“Like a friend, Cy?” Sebastian whispered suddenly, and then winced.
“What?”
“You love me like a friend?”
She nodded, unable to lie to him, even now. But his eyes never dimmed. “That’s enough for me.”
30
Gone
Sebastian died in Caia’s arms ten minutes later. The grief thickened the air as they drove back to the pack, Lucien staring blankly ahead at the road while Ryder soothed a crying Jaeden, who was mourning more the loss of her friend than her innocence. Caia hummed softly, stroking Sebastian’s hair, her throat thick and burning with unshed tears.
She had failed him. He loved her, and she had failed him.
But she wouldn’t fail the rest of the pack.
31
The Decision
“They’re all gone.”
Marion walked slowly into Caia’s room and stopped, grasping a post of the bed. Caia tucked the picture of her father beneath her bedcovers so Marion wouldn’t realize the full extent of her depression.
Marion’s eyes were gentle with understanding, and Caia wanted to look away from that sympathy.
It had been a week since Sebastian’s death.
With the elation of having Jaeden home came the crashing disbelief that Seb was gone. What was worse was that no one blamed her.
She was the hero who’d led them to Jaeden in the first place, who’d taken down the purported Head of the Midnight Coven.
No one blamed her, but … it seemed like it was more out of fear of her than anything.
Lucien’s home had been filled with pack members since their return, and a suffocating mix of awe and grief had wrapped around the house like a cloak. Having cried herself to sleep the night they got back, and then cried herself boneless the next day, Caia was numb. She’d woken up every morning since afraid to open her eyes, determined that if she lay there long enough with them closed tightly, it would all go away. It would all be a bad dream, and Sebastian would knock on her door any second.
But it wasn’t a bad dream.
And she would never see his smile again.
Somehow, she had managed to go to Sebastian’s funeral, but she hadn’t been able to meet Isaac’s or Imogen’s gaze … or anyone else’s, for that matter. The only person she’d even looked at was Jae, and that was only to make sure she was alright. Her friend was a shadow of her former herself. Caia had never understood that expression, until now. Jae stood apart from everyone, following her family a few paces behind, despite their determination to keep her close. But she was haunted by what had happened to her, and by the looks of it, that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.
And now everyone had gone home. Was it wrong she was relieved?
“I heard,” she managed.
Marion came around the bed to sit beside her, both of them looking out the window.
“Happy birthday.”
Caia blinked. It wasn’t a cause for celebration. So what? She was a year older and one friend down. She hated to think what the next months would bring.
Marion understood her silence and changed the subject. “Marita and Vanne have been informed. Their spies tell them that the Midnight Coven is in chaos.”
Caia nodded numbly.
“I hate to ask, but … do you feel anything?”
Every day. The hum of connection had been growing stronger and stronger, and Caia believed, ironically, that her grief had been keeping it compressed and easy to handle.
“Yes. I already knew the coven was in chaos. Attacks have stopped. The major players are convened at their headquarters in Moscow, trying to work out where Ethan is, if he’s dead or alive. A few ambitious ones are pretending they have the trace magik.”
“The headquarters are in Moscow? We thought they were in Minsk … sneaky …”
Caia smiled humorlessly.
Marion grinned at her. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe we have you. This … is the beginning of the end.”
Caia didn’t say anything, but Marion must have detected her reticence.
“What?”
The truth was, Caia was sure something was wrong with her trace. For days now, she’d been sensing thoughts that baffled her. It would seem there were Midnights apathetic to the war, some oblivious, some afraid, others weary, and even some who had no hatred for other supernaturals as she’d been brought up to believe. It couldn’t be right, could it?
“Caia?” Marion urged.
No, she wouldn’t reveal her worries to Marion, or anyone, not until she had a handle on it herself. For now, she would carry on in the capacity of adviser to the Daylights, as Marita wished.
“The attacks will start again. They’re already panicking. Things will get out of control, and I don’t know if I will be able to help everyone when they do.”
Marion laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You do what you can. That’s all anyone can ask. You have it in you, Caia … for Gaia’s sake, you obliterated Ethan.”