“Yeah, and my family, too. I had a talk with my mom after we dropped you at the airport. It was…intense.”
“Good intense?”
“I think so. I’m not sure yet. Hearing her story at Jigme’s, and talking with her today. It’s a lot to process.”
Process it with me.
Talk to me.
Use me.
“I understand,” she said. “I’m in the same place, in a way. Trying to sort things out with Beatrice and decide what I’m going to do if I’m not going to climb the Seven Summits.”
“You’re not?”
“I’m not.”
“For sure you’re not?”
“I still have to speak with Indira, but I’ve made my mind up. It’s not the right path for me. They’ll be able to find someone to take my spot who belongs there.”
Gently, Kal turned her toward him. “How does that make you feel?”
“Mixed?”
“Selfishly, I’m glad to hear it.”
“You’d rather I not climb mountains.”
“I’d rather you not die on a mountain, mostly.”
He kissed her, his mouth opening over hers, his tongue delving deep, and Rosemary wanted to want this. She wanted to surrender to this moment and feel relieved, open to his desire for her safety, his desire for her.
She wanted to. But she felt herself stiffening and drawing back. “What if I hadn’t decided this way? Would you still be willing to be with me if I were climbing? Or would you assume I was crazy or stupid to put my life at risk?”
“Rosemary—”
“I’m not sure I can be loved like this. Where it’s fine when I make one decision but not another. Where every day I have to wonder if I’m being someone worthy of love.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“I know, but it’s what I feel. I feel…”
Trapped.
That was the word, but she didn’t say it aloud, because she didn’t want to fight with Kal. The fight was looming over them, her heart racing with the offense she’d taken at his comment about her decision not to climb—and, if she was being honest, with the pain of listening to him tick off a list of all the ways her life was too complicated for him to fit himself into it.
She loved him, for what it was worth.
He loved her, for what it was worth.
Surely they could set aside the inevitable argument and find a way to make it worth more than it sounded like it was in this moment, at the end of a long day, in the middle of this dark water.
“I think we need to go step by step with this,” she said. His hands were at her elbows, his expression so dark it made her want to run. Rosemary let out a slow breath. “If we look at our decisions one at a time and take it slowly—figure it all out rationally…” The pressure to look away from him got the best of her. She glanced in the direction they were heading and saw lights. Shoreline.
“One at a time,” Kal repeated. “That sounds doable.”
“Our next decision point is where we’d like to spend the night. Should we push on to Manitowoc, or would you like to find a hotel here?”