It seemed almost impossible to her that she could even ever think of giving herself to a man. Not when the remembrances of that soldier forcing himself on her mother remained in her mind like a festering sore.
An involuntary shiver ran through her, causing her body to lurch with the intensity of it.
Dancing Cloud saw her tremor. He edged his horse closer. “You are u-yv-tla, cold?” he asked. “Would you be more comfortable if you had a blanket draped across your lap?”
Lauralee was never sure what he said when he mixed his Cherokee language with his English, but she was slowly learning how to interpret it by the words that followed. This time she interpreted him as having asked if she was cold.
“I’m fine,” she said softly. “But the air is cooler now that the sun has slipped behind the trees. How much farther will we travel today? Will we be making camp soon?”
Lauralee somewhat dreaded stopping for the night. There were many private things to see to. Her bath, and changing from her black mourning clothes into something comfortable for sleeping.
And how would they sleep? Since her journey from her burned-out home to St. Louis, she had not slept out of doors.
Especially not with a man who stirred her insides into feelings she had never experienced before.
She feared these feelings, but not the man. He was nothing at all like the soldier who had raped, then killed her mother. He was more like her father, gentle in every way.
“We will make camp now,” Dancing Cloud said, jerking his horse’s reins to guide his steed from the road. “Come. Follow me. We will find a place that will be far enough from the road so that there will be no dangers from passersby. Although the war brought peace to this country, there are still highwaymen who rob and steal from the innocent.”
“I never thought to worry about that,” Lauralee said, sending a wary glance over her shoulder as she followed Dancing Cloud from the road. In many ways, living in the orphanage had not prepared her for life anywhere but there. She had much to learn.
“The war left many men scarred, and not only physically, but mentally, as well,” Dancing Cloud explained. “That is why it is important that no woman travels alone.”
“Yes, I now see the importance of having an escort,” she said quickly. “Sometimes one tends to forget how ruthless and brutal men can be to defenseless women. Yet I don’t see how I could ever forget.”
Dancing Cloud cast her a quick glance. He wanted to ask her what she was referring to. Had she been treated brutally? Was she scarred by it?
But he could see by the wavering of her eyes that she was uncomfortable over having revealed too many of her feelings to him. There would come a time when he would know all of her hidden secrets. He would draw them from deeply within her. Once spoken, perhaps they then could be forgotten.
They traveled onward through tall, green grass, until they came to a stream that trailed, snakelike, through the groves of oak and cottonwood trees. When the bushes and trees became too thick and impassable, Dancing Cloud drew a tight rein and dismounted.
After securing his horse’s reins to a tree limb, he went to Lauralee and placed his hands at her waist to help her from her buggy. He could feel her become tense beneath his fingers.
Their eyes met.
His were full of questions.
Hers were full of apology for having shown even the slightest fear of him being so close to her, actually touching her.
She had fought off dreams of him being so close, of their lips coming together in a soft kiss. She could not help but be afraid of what this kiss might lead to. She was not sure if she could ever allow a man to take her sexually.
Not while in her mind’s eye she could so quickly replay her mother’s rape.
“Thank you,” she murmured. She held onto her hat as he lifted her to the ground. “But please don’t feel that it is necessary for you to see to my every need. I have learned to take care of myself far more than most women my age.”
She knew that most women her age were married and already had children. She had shunned all men as though they were the plague. She had wanted a nursing career, only. She wanted to be there for others, herself finding much comfort in helping the needy.
Now, for the first time in her life, she wanted more.
“Perhaps it is time for you to allow someone to make life easier for you,” Dancing Cloud said, easing his hands away from her. “There is no harm in accepting help, especially from someone who willingly gives it.”
“I never want to feel obligated to anyone again,” Lauralee said, lifting her hat from her head. “I paid my debt to the orphanage for caring for me through the years. I gave them half of my inheritance. That should help pay for many of the meals they fed me. The clothes I wore? They were donated to the orphanage. Most of the time those clothes were perhaps a size too small, or too big. But at least I was warmed by them. That was all that mattered.”
She went to the back of her buggy and placed her hat in a box. She then lifted an embroidered travel bag from her belongings and went back to Dancing Cloud. She turned soft eyes up at him.
“I truly won’t be obligated to you, either,” she said, her voice drawn. “I will see to it that you are paid well for your inconvenience. You refused money from father. But I will make sure you take what I offer you.” She lifted her chin defiantly. “You see, I won’t take no for an answer.”
Dancing Cloud responded only with a slow smile. This woman’s show of independence was attractive to him. He could tell that she had much spirit and pride, none of which had been beaten out of her during her time without parents.