She was a woman without a husband now. He was sure her heart was feeling even more empty than his own.
He then slid his gaze over to his brother’s tepee. Slow spirals of smoke came from the smoke hole. He was not certain whether that meant his brother was already up, or whether his lodge fire was still burning enough to send off smoke.
His heart went out to High Hawk, for although he was a strong man, he had adored his chieftain father, and in addition to his sorrow he had to shoulder the responsibilities of seeing to the safety and welfare of many people.
“You will do it well, my brother,” Sleeping Wolf said, smiling with pride in High Hawk. His brother had never pitied him, but had made Sleeping Wolf feel as though he was his equal in so many ways.
“You were kind to do that when all who saw me knew it was not so,” Sleeping Wolf said, then turned and walked toward the corral behind his brother’s tepee. Although Sleeping Wolf had never gone on a horse-stealing expedition, he knew that his brother’s steeds were also his.
In all ways his brother had been generous to him. But he needed more than High Hawk had given him now. He needed to know the pride of being the one to avenge his father’s death!
He chose a horse, but not a saddle. A saddle was too heavy for him to lift, so he moaned and groaned and struggled to mount the steed bareback.
Suddenly he slipped and fell hard on his back. He cried out at the pain that shot through him.
He heard footsteps and saw Three Bears running toward him. The warrior knelt down at his side.
“Sleeping Wolf!” Three Bears gasped. He had just stepped from his lodge to stretch his arms and legs before preparing for another day of mourning.
“Sleeping Wolf, what were you trying to do?” Three Bears asked. He was not sure how to help the other man, for it seemed that Sleeping Wolf was in too much pain to be moved.
“Mount . . . the . . . steed,” Sleeping Wolf gulped out, wincing when renewed pain struck his back like a hot poker.
“But why?” Three Bears asked, gently slipping an arm beneath Sleeping Wolf in an effort to help him up from the ground.
But he withdrew his arm quickly when merely touching Sleeping Wolf’s back made him cry out with renewed pain.
“I wanted to avenge my ahte’s death,” Sleeping Wolf said weakly. He was acutely embarrassed that once again he had failed to act like a man.
The fall and the resulting helplessness made Sleeping Wolf feel more useless than ever before.
“But you know . . .” Three Bears began, but he stopped before saying the words that he knew would hurt his best friend’s brother . . . that Sleeping Wolf knew he could not do as most warriors did, even so simple a thing as mounting a horse.
“Ho, I know,” Sleeping Wolf said thickly, knowing what Three Bears had been about to say.
“I will carry you inside your lodge, then go for Two Stars,” Three Bears said. He forced himself to ignore Sleeping Wolf’s cries of pain as he picked him up. Sleeping Wolf seemed no heavier than a feather since he was so slight in build, without an ounce of muscle anywhere on his body.
Sleeping Wolf closed his eyes to the humiliation of being carried like a baby. Soon Three Bears placed him on the bed of blankets in Sleeping Wolf’
s lodge.
“I would rather be by my fire, not in my bed,” Sleeping Wolf said weakly, and Three Bears carefully moved him to a blanket near the fire pit.
“I will return shortly with Two Stars,” Three Bears said, then left the tepee in a hurry.
Sleeping Wolf soon heard voices and recognized his mother’s among them. Three Bears was telling her what had just happened to her older son. Sleeping Wolf hung his head in shame and sobbed. Once again his mother would be reminded that one son was proud and strong, while the other was weak, an object of pity, and so very useless.
He did not even look up when she came into the lodge and sat down beside him. She cradled him in her arms as if he were nothing more than a baby.
“My son, my son,” Blanket Woman said softly. “Why would you do such a thing? You know you are not able.”
Her words made Sleeping Wolf’s embarrassment and shame twofold. He began crying as his mother held and comforted him.
“I only wanted to help,” he sobbed out. “I wanted to be the one to find my ahte’s murderer. But all I succeeded in doing was make myself look a fool. I will never live this down. Never.”
“You will, as you have always done before,” Blanket Woman murmured. “Everyone understands. Do not feel ashamed because of what life has handed you. I am so sorry, my son, for it was surely something I did while carrying you in my womb that caused you to be so different from your brother.”
She continued to hold and rock him. He sobbed and clung to her until Two Stars came.