Savage Illusions
Page 61
He turned back to Jolena and placed his hands at her waist, slowly drawing her to him. "Had my warriors not arrived when they did, the Cree would have sent another arrow into the air, and that one would have found its true mark. I would have joined Two Ridges on the long walk to the Sand Hills."
Jolena flung herself into his arms. She clung tightly to him. "I could hardly bear it when I thought that you had died," she sobbed. "Two Ridges had almost convinced me that you were dead. I didn't want to accept what he said as true. But there was no proof that you weren't. When I rendered him unconscious I started working my way through the forest, but only half-heartedly, for without you, nothing seemed important to me anymore."
"You should never allow yourself to feel hollow with despair," Spotted Eagle said, stroking her long, thick hair. "I made the same mistake when I thought you were dead. And now do you see? Hai-yah! We despaired for naught. It was emotion wasted! One must always have faith and hope. Despair is a worthless emotion!"
"It is easy to condemn such feelings," Jolena said, leaning back, gazing up at him. "But when I thought you were dead, I could not help it. My world has become you. You are my lifemy every heartbeat. Should you die, I would be only half alive!"
He framed her face between his hands and drew her lips to his. When he kissed her, it was not from hungry passion, but sweetness and lightness, matching the mood they both were feeling.
Remembering what her Blackfoot father had said about having to prepare Two Ridges for burial made Jolena draw away from Spotted Eagle. She gazed up at him with wide, woeful eyes.
"Why should I be expected to prepare Two Ridges' body for burial?" she asked, shivering. "Spotted Eagle, the thought of doing that curdles my blood. How could I be expected to forget how he tried to rape me? How?"
"There are times when one must put other people's feelings before one's own," Spotted Eagle said, gently placing a hand to her cheek. "Now is such a time for your Blackfoot father."
"But why should I?" Jolena said, more in a whine than she wished it to sound. "Two Ridges and I shared the same blood, but that is all."
"And that is my fault," Spotted Eagle said, turning his face away from her to stare into the dancing flames of the fire. "Had I been truthful with Two Ridges, he would not be dead now. He would be celebrating having a sister. You would share that. Knowing that you were blood kin!"
"Why didn't you tell him?" Jolena said, moving around in front of him. She leaned up on her knees, so that she could look directly into Spotted Eagle's eyes. "Didn't you think that he would welcome such news?"
"I am not sure how he would have accepted the truth, had it been told him," Spotted Eagle said. "I believe that he had strong feelings of a man for a woman for you and never would have been able to sort through them and find those meant only for a sister."
He paused and lowered his eyes, then looked up at Jolena again. "My reason for not telling him was a selfish one," he said, his voice breaking. "I did not want you to know that he was your brother, nor did I want him to know that you were his sister, fearing that too much of your time that I wanted to spend with you would be spent with your brother. He would have the answers to so many of the questions eating away at you. I wanted you all to myself for as long as I could have you. And I was wrong. Will you forgive me?"
Jolena crept closer to him and twined her arms around his neck. "Darling, there is nothing to forgive," she murmured. "The fact that you love me so much makes my heart sing."
She gave him a soft kiss, then leaned into his embrace. "There is much to be sad for," she murmured. "But also there is much to be happy for. We have found such love, you and I. And I have found my true people, especially my father. He is exactly what I thought he would be. He is a kind, dear man. How sad that he has lost a son, after discovering he has a daughter!"
Her eyes widened and she leaned away from Spotted Eagle again. "There is just so much to ask, and to say," she blurted out. "I feel that my brother Kirk is still alive. Will you send a search party out to look for him? Please, will you?"
"Soon, my love," Spotted Eagle said. "After arrangements are made in our village for Two Ridges. Then we will focus our attention on your other brother."
"Thank you," she whispered, giving him a gentle hug.
Then she looked up at him, her eyes wavering, her insides cold again at the thought of what her Blackfoot father was expecting of her. "You did not say why I must prepare Two Ridges for burial," she said, her voice shallow. "Why must it be me? There are many others in your village who had more respect for Two Ridges than I. How can I, the woman he tried to rape, be expected to be dutiful to him?"
"No matter what he did, he was your brother," Spotted Eagle said. "It is the practice of the Blackfoot that the next female relative of the deceased prepare the one who has died for burial. You are the only living female relative. It is required of you to do this for your Blackfoot father."
Jolena shuddered. She dropped her gaze and slowly shook her head back and forth. "I don't think I can," she said in an almost whisper.
Spotted Eagle cupped her chin with one of his hands and raised her eyes to his again. "Yes, you can," he said firmly. "For your true father, you must."
"I don't think I can touch him! My father will know that something is wrong by my behavior."
"You must not allow that to happen," Spotted Eagle said, taking both her hands and drawing her close to him. He implored her with his dark eyes. "We must never allow your father to know the terrible truth about his son. Can you not see why? Your father might blame you for the chain of events that led his son to his death! If not for you, Two Ridges would have not become someone foreign to himself! It is best not to give the old warrior cause to resent his daughter! He deserves to have some time of happiness with a daughter he now knows is very much alive, and here to love him."
"It's all so confusing," Jolena said, tears streaming from her eyes.
"There is something else to consider," Spotted Eagle continued. "I do not want to give Brown Elk cause to doubt what I told him about how his son died," he said. "If so, I might be put to the test of truth-telling. It is not good that a next chief in line be dishonored in such a way.''
"What do you mean?" Jolena asked softly. "What sort of test would you be put through?"
"It is a solemn form of affirmation, a sac?
?red ceremony practiced by our people when someone's word is in doubt," Spotted Eagle said, rising. He began slowly pacing back and forth, his arms folded tightly across his chest. "If a man tells his companions some very improbable story, something that they find hard to believe, and they want to test him to see if he is really telling the truth, a pipe is given to a medicine man. The medicine man paints the stem red and prays over it, asking that if the man's story is true he may have long life, but if it is false that his life may end in a short time." Spotted Eagle paused, then gazed intensely down at Jolena. "The pipe is then filled and lighted and passed to this man who is doubted. The medicine man says to him, 'Accept this pipe, but remember that, if you smoke, your story must be as sure as the hole through this stem. So your life shall be long and you shall survive. But if you have spoken falsely, your days are counted.'
He knelt down before Jolena and placed his hands on her shoulders. "This man may refuse the pipe, saying, 'I have told you the truth; it is useless to smoke this pipe,'" he explained softly. "But if he declines to smoke, no one believes what he has said and he is looked upon as having lied. If, however, he takes the pipe and smokes, everyone believes him. It is the most solemn form of oath."