I shouldn’t even be thinking about leaving. I needed the money Remington would pay me. It would allow me to totally change my life, but if my heart was utterly broken, would I be able to pick myself up and put myself back together? I’d not really managed that since I’d lost my mom. I didn’t know if I could handle another loss. I also didn’t know what I was doing thinking a man who’d hired me for sex for two weeks was interested in something more. What was wrong with me that I thought I would be losing someone by walking away from him? I’d only be losing money, and since he was by far the best client I’d had, I needed to stay.
As I stood there still staring down at the courtyard, I heard footsteps on the stairs. I leapt for the bed as if somehow Remington would know I was considering escape. When he opened the door, I was sitting on the bed cross-legged.
“Didn’t I tell you to get some more sleep?” he asked.
“I couldn’t sleep, not after being scared awake by a monkey.”
Remington huffed out a breath. “He’s not supposed to let Tony wander around my house. He knows better.”
“Where did he get Tony?”
Remington shook his head. “That’s a long and complicated story, but he’s had the little menace for over a year and that is a year too long for me.”
I wanted to know the story, but I could tell Remington wasn’t going to get into it now. “What did you tell him about me?”
As soon as I asked, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. “I told him I met you when I was out one night, and that when I did a background check on you, nothing suspicious came up.”
“And?”
“Cher, the nature of our relationship is private.”
All the tension I’d been holding left me as I exhaled. “Thank you.”
“You know I’m not ashamed of what you do, but I also know it can change the way people perceive you. It’s nobody’s business.”
How had I gotten so lucky? I almost hadn’t approached his car.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, brushing the backs of his fingers over my cheek. I realized how sweet he was being, how caring. Did that really come naturally to him?
“I’m thinking of things we could do besides sleeping that we might enjoy more.” I gave him a coquettish smile.
He frowned. “I would hope if that’s what you were actually thinking about, there would’ve been a smile on your face.”
“Why don’t you see if you can put one there?”
“There’s no question about that, but I’d like to know what was bothering you.”
“Who are you really? What do you do that your brother thought he needed to hold me at gunpoint?”
Remington frowned. “You’re better off not knowing.”
That was probably true, but it didn’t stop me from being curious. Now wasn’t the time to push, though. I lay back against the pillows, reached into my pajama pants, and circled my hand around my cock. “Why don’t we forget about unanswered questions and lack of sleep and enjoy ourselves?”
Remington accepted my offer. Things moved slower than they had before, and I felt Remington holding himself back. The raw need I’d felt from him the night before wasn’t there. He was creating distance between us. I tried to ignore the sadness that stirred in me. Everything he was doing still felt amazing. Remy giving part of himself was better than any other man I’d been with, but I wanted all of him now, and that made me think I should have snuck out the window when I had the chance.
21
Remington
I avoided Henri for most of the day. I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation I’d had with Lance. No way in hell would I admit it to him, but Lance was right. What I had with Henri was different than anything I’d experienced before in several ways, the least important of which was that I was paying him. But the difference that had me avoiding him was the fact that I wanted to keep him. The thought of anyone else touching him had me ready to burn the world down.
The night before, I’d deliberately tried to focus only on the physical. I wanted to see if I could make sex with Henri feel like it did with any other man. I desperately wanted to take him on his back, looking into his eyes, watching his every reaction, and preventing him from muffling any of his sounds. I couldn’t do that and keep any distance, though, so after exploring every inch of him, I’d turned him over onto his hands and knees and taken him from behind.
I did everything I could not to let myself feel more than the tight clasp of his ass around my cock. It hadn’t worked. Holding all that intensity inside made me feel like my chest was going to explode, and when I came it felt amazing, but not as good as it had been the night before when he’d stripped me bare in a way no other man had. I wanted to give myself to him. Sex like that, purely physical with nothing else between me and my partner, had always been enough for me. Now I wasn’t sure it ever would be again.