“And self-love, the real self-love, the self-love God wants us to have for ourselves—so we love ourselves like God loves us—is just being able to say 'I'm okay like this. This is the version of me I am today, and that me is all right. Maybe I want to improve, but if I never do, if I binge eat when I’m stressed out, I’ll still be okay. Lovable and wonderful, and a good person.’
“We as a culture...I think the reason we're having this moment where people are feeling really focused on self-care...is because for a long time, we weren't thinking like that. There's a long history in our country and in European and Euro-Asian cultures of being stoic. And that stoicism really is...is almost a form of dishonesty. This idea that you should look and act a certain way—like you're okay, like you've got this—even when maybe you aren't. And you don't.
“And I think that goes hand-in-hand with a culture that is overly focused on should and not focused enough on is. The root of all of this is honesty. Being real. I'm a fan of this new movement. Whether it's being called that, I think the concept of self-care and its popularity right now online, on Instagram and Twitter, its inclusion in our conversations, represents a cultural shift. Where we as a collective are acknowledging, 'Hey, when I'm honest, my mental health is better.' Mental health. That's a word we're all using now. And talking about. And that's vital.
“Denying who we are, and how we're doing…lying, putting on a façade…those are things that can kill. They might not kill us quickly, but they kill us over time. These things steal the color from our lives, make us less able to form real connections. To share our truest selves with one another in a way that makes it most likely that someone else reciprocates, sees us and loves us.
"I think we as a culture are realizing these things. That honesty and acceptance actually go hand in hand with trying harder. Being better. And that being authentic is the only way to form real connections. With each other and with God. And all this has been happening around us. As it's happened, people have been thinking more about how we should treat others when they're honest. And something happening alongside all this is that LGBQT-plus stigma is decreasing.
“To put it another way, if there's any time to come out of the closet, as the old term goes, that you are gay, or trans, or pansexual, or bi, or just queer in whatever way, that time is now. People are feeling more accepting about all of this. I'm going to be honest with you, though. Like I've been saying. Practice what I preach here. I have not felt comfortable enough to do this.” He sucks in a quick breath, and my heart aches as I watch him pause on the small backstage TV screen. “And I still wasn't comfortable when someone filmed me with my now-husband and that video was leaked online.
"My parents...were incredible. And they both loved me. I was fortunate to be born to parents who were emotionally intelligent, or tried to be. And they cared deeply about my wellbeing. My mother is alive, as most of you know." I see him wave on the screen. "Hi, Mom. My father passed. And I'm their only child. So I'll tell you my story. Just a little about that, and then I'm going to take questions. About me. About the Bible. So you feel like you understand where I am on this, and you can think about where you stand on these issues, too. And you can know where Evermore stands.”
Sky holds the mic in both hands for a moment, taking a few, paced steps with his head down. And then he lifts it. He squares his body so he’s facing the audience, which is jam-packed.
"I was six,” he says, “when I first had a thought about another boy. I won't name him, but he was a kid I played with in a certain setting. I just really liked him. Not the same as I liked other friends. This kid was...someone I wanted to be like. And be near. I thought everything about him was just awesome. So I would hang around with him, try to play with him. There were a lot of us boys, and we all played together. But when I played with this boy, I felt...better. He made me feel...not happy…but...I guess maybe you'd say buoyant.
“I didn't think about it at all. I just thought of it like I liked him, maybe a little extra. Over the next year or two, the more I was around this boy, the more I liked him. Sometimes I would feel like I hoped he would look at me. Or smile at me.” I blink as tears fill my eyes. “And then one day around that same time, someone mentioned something about getting married. Said something like, ‘oh Luke, you should marry Allison’. A made-up name. And I said, 'actually, I'm going to marry Samuel.'”