I could keep my baby.
It was stupid and crazy, but I had to convince her to stay.
“You’re upset,” I said, and gently rubbed her back. She nodded a little and leaned into my hand. “You’re probably scared. Have you told anyone else yet?”
She shook her head slightly. “Only you. I had this feeling, and my period’s late, so I bought a test and—” She stopped herself and took a deep breath. “I haven’t told anyone yet.”
“Then stay here tonight,” I said as gently as I could.
She pulled away from me. “What?”
I held my hands up. “Just for tonight,” I said. “I don’t want you going back home and doing something stupid.”
“Like what?” she asked, eyes narrowing.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Like telling your parents before you decided what you’re going to do. You’re upset and you’re scared, and I think you should stay here tonight to get yourself together. You really think going back home’s going to help?”
She opened her mouth then shut it again. Her eyes softened slightly and I felt a quick patter in my chest. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this fucking nervous in my entire life. I’d gone to kill men and felt less, and yet here was some beautiful, small girl sitting across from me, pregnant with my child, eyes still damp with tears, scared out of her mind—and all I wanted to do was help her, and I was terrified of the whole thing.
“I’m afraid you have ulterior motives,” she said.
“Nothing sexual,” I said. “I swear to you. I have an extra room you can sleep in. The door locks if that helps.”
She laughed a little. “It actually does.”
“Then come on. Sleep here. We can talk, or I can give you space, but either way you won’t be alone at least.”
She stood up suddenly and walked across my living room. I watched her carefully, ready to spring up if she decided to make a run for it. I didn’t know what I’d do—force her to stay with me, plead with her not to go, maybe something worse. I wasn’t sure, but I knew I didn’t want to hurt her, not matter what happened.
“I don’t know,” she said and started chewing on her fingernails then seemed to stop when she noticed herself doing it. “God, I’m a mess, aren’t I?”
“You have every right to be.” I didn’t know where I had all this patience. I’d never felt like this for a woman before, much less for a girl I’d met only once before. That sex was incredible, but we’d barely shared more than a few words and yet I felt like I couldn’t let her walk away. I felt like this girl meant more to me than I’d ever realize, and if I passed up on this chance then something like it would never come around for me again.
I didn’t have an easy life. I didn’t come from money like her, and I sure as hell didn’t have future prospects. I was a violent gangster because it’s all I’ve ever known, even as a young man running around the streets of South Philly with a dead dad and a drunk mom and an abusive piece of shit stepfather named Jerry. I turned to drugs and fucking and drinking and stealing, and slowly turned into a monster.
But Ash, she was still pure. Spoiled and rich, but still pure. I saw it in the way she didn’t want to moan, the way she controlled herself while I fucked her and brought her to a leg-shaking, back-arching orgasm. That level of control came from years and years of repression, some deep-seated shit. She was going to marry some piece of shit because her family wanted her to, and I could only begin to imagine what sort of pressure she felt.
This baby must’ve been a nightmare for a girl like her. And yet to me, it felt like heaven, and a chance at something good for once in my miserable, piece of shit life.
All I had to do was show her that she’d be happier with me.
“One night,” she said, glaring at me over her fingers. She let out a sigh and started chewing on her thumb. “But no sex, and if you try then I’m running out of here as fast as I can.”
“No sex,” I said. “I promise.”
“Good.” She hesitated and looked around. “Where’s this extra room?”
“Right this way, my lady.”
She rolled her eyes, but smiled and followed me. I took her upstairs and showed her the guest room. It was pretty sparse: bed, dresser, nightstand, TV, and nothing else. “Bathroom’s in the hall,” I said as she sat on the edge of the bed and bounced a little. “Sheets and everything are clean. I’ll leave some towels for you next to the shower.”
“Thanks,” she said.