The words stutter out at first but begin to flow a little smoother as he signs, “When my mother became pregnant with her second child, the nanny moved into my little room with me. We spent most of our days together. And I trusted her more than anyone else in the world.”
A wave of bittersweet nostalgia passes over him at the so long ago memory of the version of him who was capable of fully trusting someone.
But he continues, nonetheless. “One day, we went to the park, and she gave me a piece of sticky candy. She told me after I ate it that she had a friend who could give me all the sticky candy I wanted. But she said we needed to sneak away from my guards in order to go to her friend’s house since they would never agree to take us there. She knew me so well. Knew exactly what to say to get me to play along….”
Victor has to stop for a moment. A lump, red and angry, clogs his throat.
Dawn waits patiently, her eyes never straying from his face until he begins to sign again. “She took me to her friend’s house, but I immediately knew there was something wrong. The house was…not nice. As soon as we walked through the door, a man grabbed me and locked me inside a tiny room.
“I'm not sure how long I was there. But I never saw my nanny again. And eventually, my mom joined me. I think they must've told her that they had me and that they wanted money. But they made her come alone and not tell my father, or else. But that was also a trick. Just like the candy. They captured her too.
“We were made to wait in the tiny room there while my father and his enemy went back and forth. My father was willing to pay any price, he told me afterward. But whatever he would agree to, the rival would counter with an even higher price.”
Victor grinds his jaw, realizing at the same time he signs it, “The enemy didn't really want money. He wanted my father's pride. My father had humiliated him by stealing both lucrative deals and territories. So he wanted to destroy my father. They cut my tongue out and had it delivered to my father. Then the rival himself killed my mother in front of me and had a Polaroid taken, which he also sent to my father.
“My mind broke after that. I'm still not sure what happened next. Only that Han…he was so young. But he saved me. Both of our mothers died in that house. And that's why we are brothers to this day.”
With the story finally told, Victor returns to the present to explain to Dawn, “And that's why when I thought you betrayed me, I couldn't think straight. I couldn't stop loving you. But I couldn't stop punishing you either. It became mixed up in my mind. I was confused and unable to separate the present from the past I thought I didn’t remember.”
Victor opens the eyes he didn’t realize were closed to see tears rolling down Dawn’s cheeks.
“Dawn, don’t cry,” he starts to say.
But she cuts him off with a harsh shake of her head. “I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have ever chosen my father’s way over you. That must have felt so terrible having another parent die because someone you loved fucked you over. I’m so sorry.”
She sobs, her entire body shaking. “I’m so sorry for going along with my dad’s plan. I tried to make it okay in my head, but it wasn’t. It doesn’t matter how old I was. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Victor blinks, shocked that this would be her reaction to the story.
“No, do not apologize, Dawn!” He answers, his signs just as harsh and emphatic as her words. “You are the only one here who deserves an apology. You were right back then. You were right about everything.”
Victor has watched men die in the most gruesome of ways, but he wipes at her tears, unable to stand the sight.
Then he says, “You asked me if I would've wanted me for our daughter, and though I couldn’t see it right away, my answer to that question is no. I think you did the correct thing when you were eighteen. If it were my daughter, I would want her to do the same. Anything to keep her safe.”
Victor shakes his head and finally gives her the apology he should’ve delivered on the plane to Japan. “I spent ten years punishing you, but it is me who is most sorry. I'm the one who deserved to be punished. I should not have put you in that position. I should have protected you. Even from me. Please say you believe me.”