“I just don’t want you to…to do something you don’t want to do. I know this changes a lot of things. That it can, that it will. I just want you to be—”
“I am.” Steph crushes her lips to mine. “I want you. I want you very badly. Possibly worse than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
“Good to know,” I whisper against her mouth.
I decide to stop talking. I think I’ve said enough. Awkwardly, but she knows. I know she knows. When she kisses me and pulls me into her again, I go, not because I’m lost but because I actually know who I am and what I feel.
CHAPTER 17
Stephanie
I’ve never felt truly safe with another person. I’ve never actually been able to just give myself up completely. But all that is not true with Adam even though I’m usually nervous, worried, and worried about looking silly—about my boobs not being big enough, my butt being too flat, and about just not being enough.
Now, I have zero thoughts about any of that.
When Adam breaks away, and he trails kisses over my breasts and down over my belly, I just feel bliss. Sheer. Radiant. Bliss.
He keeps going lower, loops his hands beneath my legs, and brings his face right there. He doesn’t hesitate even though he does take his time. He doesn’t go in for the kill like I’m an all-you-can-eat buffet without actual feelings and sensations down there. His tongue is gentle, and he tastes me sweetly, kissing me, and taking his time exploring and savoring me like I’m something magical.
I don’t know if I’m magical, but I know what he’s doing is. I have to bury my hand in his hair and grasp the sheets with the other. I wish my hips would stay on the bed, but they won’t. They keep writhing up into his face, grinding against his perfect mouth. He hasn’t shaved in two days, and the shadow of his stubble rubs against my sensitive skin, burning me, but it only adds to the heightened sensation. It’s a nice contrast, rough and sharp compared to his mouth.
Adam circles his tongue over my clit then sucks it into his mouth. He’s gentle, but my whole back still comes right off the bed. My hips basically clash into his face, and he runs a finger over my seam. He’s gentle, so very gentle, but when he traces the same pattern with his tongue, which is also gentle, it’s still hot. Hot as in a thousand degrees hot, and hot as in my hips grind hard into his face again.
He tastes me, groaning as he dips his tongue into my entrance. The moment he does, I’m right there, just a second away from shattering. My nerves are on the verge of being burned off, and everything throbs. Everything comes alive. Shivers travel up and down my spine, and I tug hard at his hair and practically rip the sheets right off the bed.
His tongue swirls over me again, and when he suckles my clit, he claims me this time, suckling hard and pushing his tongue against it in circles that create dazzling stars behind my eyes. I can feel the heat coming—the shivers spreading from my toes up into my thighs. I can feel the tingles starting in my lower belly, and I can feel all those cool, icy pinpricks pooling lower and lower until they burst into white-hot heat.
“Adam, oh god, I’m com—” I don’t get the rest of the words out before the pleasure hits, and I can’t say anything at all.
All I can do is moan and writhe beneath him as the waves rock me. I come so hard that I don’t just see the light; I feel like I’ve turned into a burst of light myself—a ray or a beam traveling across the universe and all over the world, here and there all at once, just a shivery, wavering mass of particles.
I shamelessly ride out the pleasure, and Adam keeps giving it. He doesn’t stop until I reach down and gently push his face away because it’s that intense, and I just need a few seconds. I tug him back up to me, slightly embarrassed that I just practically blacked out because I came so freaking hard that the world just about ended for me, in the best way it could ever actually end.
I kiss him hard, tasting myself on him. I whimper into his mouth and part my legs, wrapping one around his strong, muscled hip, and bending the other so that he fits. He’s so much bigger than I am. His shoulders feel massive, his chest seems harder than concrete, and his legs are so freaking long and thick and strong, they’re like tree trunks.
And then he lets himself down fully, supporting himself with a hand by my head, but I feel him—all of him—throbbing in my stomach. I saw his cock, so I know it’s big. That it’s really big. That it defies the word big, or maybe it defines it. I want to touch and taste him just as I said. I want to do all of it, all while knowing we don’t have time. That there’s this heated desperation between us now—this frantic want, this throbbing need.
Not now, but later. Because there will be a later, and this isn’t a one-off. This isn’t one of something that gets called a mistake again. This is Adam and me, moving forward. This is us taking a chance on us, on feeling something, and on really letting go and not being so afraid. There is no holding us back now.
I want to do everything with him. I want to do him. Everywhere. It’s surprising because I’ve never actually been a very sexual person. I mean, sex is fine, but I really could have taken or left it. I don’t remember ever feeling anything like this—this crazy want and this need to have Adam under my skin, in my veins, and inside me. I meant what I said about wanting to make him feel good, and I want to give him that—that part of me. To give him something I’ve never really given anyone. I’ve had sex before, obviously, but I don’t think there’s ever been a time where I’ve ever given up control or given up, willingly, all those bits and pieces of me.
I have never truly let another person in.
Not the way I want to let Adam in.
And not that kind of in. It’s not just physical. Even though at the moment, it’s really seriously physical. Maybe it’s because it’s more that this feels so good. So right. So real. So amazing.
When I run my hand over Adam’s huge shoulder, even though I’ve been touching him now for a few solid minutes, it still shocks me a little to feel how soft and silky his skin is over all that muscle. He reciprocates, brushing his hand over my hip and caressing me until his fingers protectively splay out over my hip bones, stomach, and ribs. His hand is that big that it hits all of me. I shiver at his touch and curl into him. I love the way he throbs against my stomach even if I would like that throbbing to be somewhere else, somewhere closer to all the places I’m throbbing.
“I don’t have a condom,” he says like he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
I can feel myself flush a little, but yes, this is what people do talk about in real life. “I’m on birth control. I have an IU in.” It might be embarrassing, but he needs to know, and I shouldn’t be embarrassed. He doesn’t make me feel embarrassed; I’m just naturally shy.
“Is it alright then? Is this okay?”
“Yes.” I wriggle underneath him a little. “Yes, it’s okay.”
He brushes a soft, tender kiss across my lips that makes the hair on the backs of my arms stand up and all the throbbing in my lady bits get much more intense. “The last thing I would ever want is to hurt you.”