Bang Gang

No way, of course none of us swear. Not me. Never bloodied and shitted and fucked in my life. And Ruby does know, both girls know they can’t get away with saying nasty shit, I wouldn’t dream of letting that slip by on my watch.

I said as much to Miss Davies, and she nodded sweetly but she wasn’t really listening.

“The C word,” she said, just like that. “Ruby used the C word.”

Oh the shame. The terrible shame. My parenting goals crawled into a hole and died right there in front of me. And I knew.

Trent.

King of the C word.

Otherwise known as God in Ruby’s eyes — Daddy’s girl doesn’t even come close.

Miss Davies knew it, too. Her face said it all.

She shrugged. “Look, Jodie, for what it’s worth it wasn’t at anyone. She’s not that kind of child. We have to act on it, but Ruby’s a nice girl, she just has some challenges with managing her frustration. She kicked out at the netball hoop after she missed a shot… called it a stupid C and told it where it could shove itself.”

I winced. I actually winced. “I’ll talk to her,” I said. “It won’t happen again.”

She patted my arm in sympathy. “Thanks, Jodie.”

I pulled out my phone as soon as she left me.

King C Word himself could deal with this one.

By the time I’d shaken off Miss Davies, sent a text to Darren C-word Trent about our co-parenting issues, grabbed Nanna’s prescription from the chemist and made the house look basically habitable, I was the last lady to arrive at the Velvet Bean coffee shop. Yes, that’s actually its name, and I work there when I’m not on the customer side of the counter. That means, in real life terms, that from the very first day I stepped foot behind it and donned my Velvet Bean apron, I’ve been known as Jodie-from-the-cafe and my business is officially everyone else’s business, and theirs is mine.

That’s how it works around here.

I got a wave from Tonya as I stepped through the door, but the others were too deep in conversation to give me a second glance. They were a huddle of whispers and giggles, eyebrows raised as Mandy recounted some village happening or another. I grabbed a cappuccino from my boss Lorraine and made my way to the table, letting out a sigh of relief as I slipped into my seat, hoping beyond hope for a funny tale or two to take my mind off my own crap.

I’m sure I caught the end of a ‘hung like a horse’ comment, but then the gossip stopped. Entirely.

Not for an interlude of hellos and smiles, or to give me a chance to catch up with the flow of conversation. Nothing so innocuous as that. It just stopped. Dead.

Nobody said a word.

“What?” I said. “Have I got shit on my face or something?” I patted my cheeks, but couldn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. I didn’t even have any makeup to smudge.

Silence.

“So what’s the news?” I settled into my chair, kept my smile bright.

Tonya cleared her throat. “Mandy was just, ergh… She was just saying how she had a…”

“It was nothing,” Mandy interrupted.

“Nothing?” I asked. “It didn’t sound like nothing…”

She shrugged. “Just a date. Nothing too much of note.”

I’d have believed her if the whole lot of them weren’t staring straight into their coffee cups and not at me.

“A date?” I prompted.

She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “A date, yeah. A kind of date.”

“Booty call,” Steph said.

I smiled. “Someone got lucky, then. Tell me all, I’m desperate for a good giggle. Morning from hell.” I sipped my drink and waited. Kept waiting.

Debbie started talking to Steph about her new blonde highlights, and they all jumped in, jabbering on about some boring hair crap that nobody really gave a shit about.

“Come on!” I laughed. “Don’t hold out on me. What’s going on?”

“It wasn’t anything,” Mandy said. “Just a… I had a…”

“An orgy,” Debbie blurted. “Mandy had a gang bang last night. Three men to herself!” The others looked horrified, but Debbie shrugged. “It’s all over Facebook, it’s hardly a secret…”

I nearly spat out my coffee as I giggled, but they weren’t joining in. I looked around the faces. “Seriously? For real? Three men at once?”

Mandy shrugged. “It was a… fantasy… of mine…”

Isn’t it everyone’s? Three hot guys at once. Ripped and well hung and well aware of what to do with it…

I stared at her, willing her to tell me everything. This kind of shit was like balm for my frazzled, chore-shackled soul. I could practically feel the restraints of Mum-Jodie slipping away at the thought of some decent sex-gossip.

I leaned in, elbows on the table. “So? Was it… good?”

Mandy nodded, and her face lit up like an arcade after dark. “It was absolutely. Fucking. Amazing.”