Bang Gang

I daren’t imagine how much the little bundle would come to, convincing myself that most of it would look totally shit on me.

But it didn’t. It didn’t at all.

“Oh my fucking God!” Tonya squealed as I stepped from the fitting room in the bodycon dress. “That was made for you!”

Even without the shaper knickers I was inclined to agree with her. It wrapped me in its beautiful contours, highlighting the slopes and curves that should be there, and somehow managing to skim over the ones that shouldn’t. Fuck knows how.

The other items followed suit. Teamed with the new hair and a splash of makeup it was like another woman staring back at me, and I liked her. I really liked her.

Every item ended up on the yes pile. Every single one.

I sighed as I re-examined the selection. “Which one shall I take?”

Tonya waggled a finger at me. “Uh uh, no fucking way, girlfriend.” She laughed. “These babies were made for you.”

I totted up the total. “There’s nearly four hundred quid’s worth of clothes in this haul,” I groaned. “I’ll take the bodycon dress, and that’s pushing it. A hundred quid for a bloody dress, I must have lost my mind.”

I pulled the dress from the pile and made to hang the others on the no rack before my heart could break, but she stopped me, tugged the clothes from my fingers.

“I’ll get these,” she said.

I grabbed her by the elbow before she was even a foot away. “Sorry?”

She sighed, looked pretty shifty. “I was going to tell you, but I wanted it to be a surprise.” She put her hand on her hip, like she meant business. “I won six hundred quid on a scratch card. I want to share it with you.” She looked at herself in the mirror, checked out her highlights. “Spent my bit already, got some good shit coming in the post. Quite an eBay haul…” She pulled a face, looked a little embarrassed.

“Well, congratulations!” I said. “And I’m touched by the gesture, but that money’s yours. You should spend it on you.” I gestured to her own pile of maybes back in the changing room.

“Don’t like them,” she lied. “I think I’ll probably need to lose a couple of inches first.”

“Whatever, Tonya.” I laughed. “I know you’re trying to save me and all that, and I appreciate it, I really do. I appreciate it more than you could ever know, truly, but I’m not taking that money from you. No way.” I yanked back the clothes before she could protest. “I’ll get the bodycon dress, as a one-off ridiculous splurge, and I’ll wear it on a night out. You can buy me a drink or two with your winnings, deal?”

“Not really,” she said. She fumbled in her handbag pulled out a handful of notes. A big handful. “I already got the cash out. I wanted to give it to you.”

I felt a strange tickle of gratitude in my chest, but I forced it aside. I took her hand, pushed that cash back in her purse. “No,” I said. “Thank you, but no. Spend it on you, please. You deserve it more than I do.” I smiled. “My lucky day will come. Maybe I should get a scratch card myself, eh? Maybe we’re onto a winning streak?”

She looked thoroughly fucking mortified. “Please don’t do this,” she said. “Those clothes look amazing on you. I know you want them. I know you feel good in them, I can see it written all over you.”

“They’re only clothes!” I said. I ignored my pained heart. “It doesn’t matter, Tonya. I got my hair done. That’s a start, right?”

“Please, Jodie.” She stared right at me. “I want to do this.”

I closed my eyes, shook my head. By the time I opened them again I was as strong as steel. “And I really want you to spend the money on you.”

I hung the rejected items on the no rack and made an exit, but every step towards the register and the inevitable exit beyond grew harder. My mind went to the forbidden zone, to that extra card in my purse, the one I never use. The one I’ve never even considered using, not since Darren and I nearly came to blows over my plans to use it for Disneyland for the kids.

No, he’d said. No fucking way, Jodie. We’ll find a way to pay for Disney ourselves. This isn’t what that money’s for. This isn’t what Pops meant it to be for!

I checked in my purse and there it was, the pristine plastic tucked cosily behind my standard dog-eared debit card. I pulled it out and rubbed it between my fingers, got a feel for it.

Tonya saw me and sucked in breath. “Pop Pop’s money?!” She nodded. “Oh yes. Yes! This definitely counts! One hundred percent!” She tugged me back to the changing rooms and I had to dig my heels in to slow down.