Bang Gang

“Shh!” I chided. “Nanna!” But Nanna was well out of earshot and I knew it.

Tonya’s eyes twinkled. “If it’s good enough for Mandy big-gob Taylor and the rest of the village, why not?”

“Because…” I began. “Because… Darren… because the girls…” I lowered my voice. “Because it’s been ages, I might have forgotten what the fuck I’m supposed to do.” I let out a giggle. “It’s probably bloody healed up by now. I’m a reborn virgin.” I smirked to myself. “Brian wasn’t exactly… adventurous.”

She groaned. “Brian was such a boring douchebag. Fuck knows how you even ended up with that loser.”

“You know how I ended up with him.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know the version you told me at the time.”

I smiled. “Internet dating, like I said.”

“Boring Dudes dot com?”

Oh my poor cheeks at the thought of the real story. Me looking for some casual hook-ups to finally get me over Darren, looking for guys who could fuck me senseless and make me feel like a woman again. Risky guys. Wild guys. Guys who’d make me bow-legged and exhausted for days to come. Only I’d found the safe option. Mr Thirty-grand Salary. Mr Respectable. Mr Safe As Fucking Houses.

Mr Fucking Dull.

Tonya leaned in. “The thing I never quite got,” she said. “And I can ask you this now, since you’re…”

“Since I’m..?”

She looked me up and down. “Since you’re… you again. I just never got the move from someone like Darren to someone like Brian. I mean, you and Darren were… intense.”

“Humping like fucking rabbits, you mean?” I laughed.

“Like rabbits on Viagra.” She downed some more of her wine. “I remember the shit you two used to get up to. Getting it on in Mary Hart’s garden, while her parents were manning the barbeque… that time you disappeared in the Drum’s loo and the whole fucking pool team could hear you… Sucking his dick in the back of Buck’s car on the way to Jenna Ward’s birthday bash…”

I couldn’t help but smile at the memories. “A long time ago.”

“Maybe not so long ago.” She tipped her glass in my direction. “You’d have loved this Bang Gang crap then, just for the wildness of it. I know you would’ve.”

I kept it coy. “Maybe.”

“So, what’s different? Like I said, if it’s good enough for Mandy bloody Taylor, it’s more than good enough for you.”

I waved her suggestion aside. “Why don’t you have a go, if you’re so sure it’s a good idea?”

“Yeah, right.” She rolled her eyes. “Like I have either the cash or the inclination. Trent and Buck are like fucking brothers to me. One million percent friend-zoned.”

“And Petey, and Hugh and Jimmy O?”

She grinned. “Maybe Hugh and Jimmy O. I hear Petey’s not up to all that much.”

“How would you…” I questioned, but the answer was obvious. I smirked, and so did she, and we said it in unison.

“Mandy. Fucking. Taylor.”

We were still laughing when the front door thumped its trademark thump into the wall. The regular Ruby entrance. She’d bang it off its hinges one of these days.

I composed myself as she came bounding through, a caked-on oil smear across her cheek. Standard. Mia followed a lot more meekly, dropped herself into the seat beside me. They pulled and prodded my hair, full of giddy compliments.

“Did you girls have fun?” I asked, grabbing them both in for a kiss. I rubbed at Ruby’s cheek and she pulled a face.

“They’ve eaten,” a voice called from the kitchen doorway, and the moment I’d been anticipating was upon me. Darren dropped their schoolbags on the floor by the fridge, and then his eyes met mine, and widened.

“Granny T cooked us stew,” Ruby told me. “She put carrots in it and made me eat them. Urgh.”

“That’s lovely,” I said. “Granny T makes a lovely stew, even if it does have carrots in it. I hope you said thank you.”

She nodded, but I wasn’t convinced, and right then I didn’t have the resolve to push it. My parenting goals had frittered away to nothing and I was burning under Darren’s stare, that low simmer behind his eyes scorching me alive. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, not even close, not even after all this time, but my heart was racing, my skin prickling.

“Thanks,” I said to him. “For having the girls.”

“No bother at all,” he said.

I wanted him to say something, anything. Nice hair, or nice lippy, or that colour really suits you, but he said nothing, just stared.

It was Tonya who broke the tension, shrugged at Darren and gave a loud sigh. “Well?” she asked. “What do you think of Jodie’s epic new do?”

He swallowed before he answered and it made my tummy flutter. I couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t bear it.

“It’s not new,” he said.

Tonya rolled her eyes. “Ok then, her new-old do. Do you like it?”