Bang Gang

“I get it,” he said. “You want the big bang, the explosion. You want the same primal shit they all go on about. I hear it all the time.”

I closed my eyes. “I guess you do.”

“Why the guys? Why not some randoms from online dating?”

“Because I know the guys. I know I’d be safe. I know I could let myself go and enjoy it for what it is, and not be freaking out that I’ve made some godawful mistake and landed myself in a load of shit I can’t get myself out of.”

“But you’ll do it anyway, if I say no? You’ll find some randoms and do it anyway?”

“I don’t know,” I said, honestly. “Maybe.” I risked a laugh. “Christ, Darren, I’ve been virtually celibate for more years than I care to remember. I don’t want to end up in a nunnery, I want to get laid, just as much as every other woman around here. Just as much as the other women you… service.”

“But you’re different,” he said. “This would be different.”

Would be.

“Why so?”

“Just because,” he said, then held up his hands. “I wouldn’t have to be involved, that’s not what I’m saying, but you know these guys. We know these guys. Our girls know these guys.”

The thought of the girls made my stomach lurch. “And I trust these guys. Hell, Darren, I trust our girls with these guys. I know they’ll give me what I’m looking for without any nasty repercussions. It’s a one-off, just a crazy, ridiculous, horny one-off.” I sighed, wished he’d offer me one of his bloody cigarettes. “I’m not going to beg you, I get that your word goes and no means no. I just wish you’d give me the same courtesy you give every other woman who wants a go.”

“Courtesy, that’s an interesting way of looking at it.” He rested his head on the headrest. “Everyone’s banging on about fucking courtesy. This isn’t about courtesy, Jo, it’s about sex for money. A cold, hard dirty fuck for money. Is that really what you want? You really, truly want to fucking do this? Bang the guys and hand over the cash afterwards? Wham-bam fucking thank you, ma’am?”

I mustered all the confidence I could.

“Yes,” I said. “I really, truly want to fucking do this.”

He sighed, rubbed his temples. “Fine,” he said. “If that’s what you really fucking want, then I’ll set it up.”

I couldn’t hide the shock. I must have been gawping, mouth open, staring like a fucking moron. “You will?”

“I don’t want you scraping up the dregs of online fucking dating for a cheap thrill, Jo. No fucking way.”

“Thanks, I think.” I was smiling. The grin crept up slowly, my heart thumping.

He put the key in the ignition. “Four guys,” he said. “Four hundred quid. That’s a good rate.”

I nodded. “Ok.”

“You can use my place, if you want. Somewhere familiar.”

I nodded some more. “Please. That would be good.”

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll set it up, and then I’ll stay out of it. Just a one-off, though.” He held out his hand. “Deal?”

I shook it. “Deal.”

Four guys and me, for real. This is really fucking real.

I didn’t want to be disappointed, but I was. I pushed it aside, told myself four would do. Probably better Darren wasn’t there. He didn’t even want to be there.

I definitely didn’t want him to be there, either. That’s what I told myself.

No way.

But I did. I did want him to be there. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him.

“I’ll drop you a text with some dates, we’ll book it in,” he added, just like this was some random car repair.

“Thanks, Darren.”

He nodded. “I’d best be off. Mum’s doing a mid-week roast.”

“Nice,” I said. “Give her my best. Your dad, too.”

“Will do.”

I let myself out of the truck, and he didn’t even give me a second look as he drove away.

He definitely, definitely, definitely didn’t want to be there.

But that was ok.

I’d make it ok.

It would be hot. Intense. Crazy. Wild.

It would be the ultimate fantasy. One big tick on my bucket list.

So why did it feel so goddamn bad?

I was watching a late-night crime with Nanna when Trent’s text came through.

Wednesday week. Or maybe the Friday.

I checked my ovulation calendar app.

Friday, I text back. I’ll make sure I’m not working the day after.

Ok, he said. I’ll book it in.

Thanks, I sent back.

My belly was full of flutters, a tight ball of excitement with just a hint of disappointment underneath. That was good enough.

I was surprised when another text came through.

Just a thought, but I could be there, if you like. Just for the intro. Just to make sure it kicks off smoothly.

My fingers were a blur. Yes, please. That would be nice. Help with the nerves.

I sent it off and kept typing. I’ll be crapping myself, I’m sure. It would be nice if you were there.