My gut fucking pained.
Petey looked fucking horrified.
She changed the subject. “Next week,” she said. “You and me. Don’t pretend you don’t want it, I know how to make it feel better, don’t you worry.”
I sighed to myself. “Just do a good job with the fucking lad.”
“You know it,” she said.
“I’ll pick him up later.”
“Don’t worry about that,” she said. “I’ll drop him back when I’m done with him.” She looked him up and down, weighed up the rabbit-in-the-headlights expression on his face. “This may take some time.”
“Take as long as you want, just get him up to fucking speed.”
I didn’t even say goodbye.
“Call me,” she shouted after me. “Soon, Darren. I’m looking forward to it.”
Shame I couldn’t say the fucking same.
No babysitting duties for Nanna this evening, Tonya insisted she stay at mine to make sure my Bang Gang special risked no disruptions. I think she was really there to make sure I wore the slutty red.
It worked.
Darren dropped me a text as I finished up my makeup. I could barely contain my nerves, belly churning as I clicked to read it.
Ready when you are.
Shit. Shit shit shit.
“I can’t believe I’m really doing this,” I said to Tonya, spritzing myself with a second round of perfume.
“Go get ‘em,” she said. “Enjoy it. Experience of a lifetime, remember?”
I checked the envelope of cash was still in my handbag. I’d felt like such a slut as I took four hundred in twenties from the bank that lunchtime, but it would be worth it.
At least, I hoped so.
Experience of a lifetime.
I hoped my pussy would take it. Darren had been a good intro, and a vibrator had picked up where he left off. I’d been practicing.
As much as you can possibly practice for something like this.
I’d set out my fantasy to Darren by text, worked through the technicalities, too – how to call it off, how it would take just a simple statement of I’m done if I’d had enough. What was acceptable and what was not. Pussy, yes. Mouth, of course. Ass, one big maybe.
I didn’t want to admit it to him, but Darren was the only man who’d been in the backdoor, and that was a long time ago. Brian tried it once, in a moment of drunken madness completely at odds with his regular modus operandi, and it was terrible. Just terrible.
Darren’s cock and my ass seemed to form a mutual alliance from the get go, it just worked. Nothing else seemed to fit like he did, no vibrator and certainly not Brian.
So, yeah, I’d put a big maybe and said I’d see how I felt on the night.
Righto, he’d said.
Positions, I’d said whatever works. Spunk in the face, I’d said yes, please.
Condoms were an absolute. He assured me they always were.
Any particular kinks? he’d asked. I’d said No. Not this time, anyway.
He hadn’t replied to that.
I had a quick glass of wine with Tonya to still my nerves, and another for the road which I chugged down before I set off.
The journey seemed to take no time.
This time Darren was outside smoking. He watched me totter along the road, and I think his scrutiny was the only thing that kept me moving forwards, kept me putting one foot ahead of the other and not caving to last minute nerves.
He met me on the stairs and his eyes were every bit as intense as usual.
“You sure this is what you want?” he said.
No. Yes. Maybe.
I want you.
“Yes,” I said. “This is definitely what I want.” I smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“Good,” he said, and it was so clipped, so professional.
Hold my hand, I wanted to say. I’m scared, and worried I’ll be rubbish, I’m worried this will be the shittest gangbang you guys have ever had.
I followed him upstairs and he didn’t even look back at me, just finished up his cigarette at the top and held the door open as I stepped inside.
I took the opportunity to pull the envelope from my bag, handed it over without a word. He took it without looking at it, dropped it on the key shelf like it was toxic.
“Don’t you want to count that? Make sure it’s all there?”
“No,” he said.
I shrugged. “Ok, cool.”
I heard the guys in the living room, and they were so loud, laughing and joking just like any other day. I would have stalled if Darren hadn’t been right at the back of me, but his presence kept me moving, made me paste that big smile on my face and remind myself why I was here.
I want this.
I want to be wild again. I want to be a woman again.
I want the kind of crazy experience that will last me a lifetime.
The guys abandoned their conversation the moment I came into view. They smiled, and Buck and Hugh shifted apart on the sofa enough to offer me a seat. I felt myself relax a little.