Bang Gang

My poor nerves, they were shot. Up and down and up again. The Darren Trent effect.

“Where’s Mia?” I said. “Skype?”

Ruby shook her head. “Mia’s sad.”

“She doesn’t need to be sad now,” Darren said. “Tyler Dean’s not going to be bothering her again, that’s a sure fact.”

I stepped into the hallway, called up the stairs. “Mia? You alright up there? Your dad’s staying for dinner.”

No reply. I leaned over the bannister. Her bedroom door was shut.

“I’ll go up,” I said. “Make sure she’s ok.”

Darren got to his feet, joined me in the hallway. He watched me as I climbed the stairs, his eyes burning my back as I tapped Mia’s door. “Mia? Can I come in?”

No reply.

I eased the door handle down. “I’m coming in, love, ready or not.”

My heart smashed like glass, my little girl on her bed, crying into Mr Fluff like the world was ending. I rushed to her side, pulled her close. “It’s over now,” I said. “Your dad’s sorted it, that little shit won’t be bothering you again, Mia, I promise. I’m so sorry, I really thought Mrs Webber had sorted this out.” I heard footsteps on the landing, the door creak open. I turned to find Darren there, face ashen as he took in the scene. “It’s sorted now, isn’t it, Darren? No more Tyler Dean, he won’t say a word.”

“It’s done, Mia,” he said. “I’ll pick you up in the morning, take you to the bus stop myself, see what Tyler Dean’s got to say for himself then, eh?”

Mia shook her head, but she couldn’t speak. Her words were just sobs, I could have cried myself.

“Don’t argue… don’t argue over me!” she cried. “Please don’t! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything! I shouldn’t have said anything about Tyler! Just please don’t be mad…”

“Hey,” Darren said, he came over, knelt at the side of the bed. “Nobody’s arguing, Mia. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

“I heard you…” she cried. “Arguing over me… and I’m sorry! Please don’t be angry with each other! Please don’t!”

“We’re not,” I said. “It was just a conversation, Mia, sometimes people get a bit upset, it doesn’t mean they can’t sort it out, does it, Darren?”

I met his eyes, willed him to say something, anything.

His answer melted my shattered heart.

“You know what I’m like, Mia. My mouth runs away with me sometimes. Bit of a hot head.” He squeezed her arm. “I can be a bit of a prick, getting butt-hurt all over the place. You can forgive your dad for being a bit of an idiot, can’t you? I hope you can, I was looking forward to having sausages and beans with you.”

I felt the tears coming. I smiled at him, and he smiled back, but there was such pain there, such pain in all of us.

Mia let go of Mr Fluff and rolled over, faced her dad with puffy eyes. “Don’t go, Dad, I won’t make you argue again, not if you stay, not ever again. Not like last time.” Her face crumpled. “Not like when I was little, I’m big now, I can be better, I won’t make you argue ever again, I promise!”

My jaw dropped and so did his. We stared at each other, sharing that one moment of horrified parenthood.

“What are you talking about?” I said. “We never argued over you, Mia, never. You never made us argue, not once.”

“You did!” she said. “You’d argue and Dad would leave and then you’d cry, Mum. You’d cry and pretend that you weren’t!”

I stared in disbelief. I thought she was too young to remember this, too young to have seen it.

Guilt hit hard. It made me feel sick.

“It was me!” she said. “I know it was me! And I won’t do it again, I promise! I promise! Just stay! Just stay with us, Dad!”

Darren put his hands on her cheeks, brushed her tears away. My heart lurched.

He stared her straight in the eye. “Not once,” he said. “Not once that we argued was it ever ever your fault, Mia, I promise you that. It was mine. All mine.”

“And mine,” I said. “It was our fault, me and your dad’s. Not yours, not ever yours.” I looked at Darren then back at my poor daughter. She looked so young again. Too young for this, too young for any of this. “Never ever think that was your fault, it wasn’t. None of it was your fault.”

She took a horrible gulpy breath. Then she nodded.

Darren’s voice was thick when he next spoke. “I’m your dad, Mia. I’ll never leave you, no matter what happens, no matter how much me and your mum argue. No matter how butt-hurt I get, no matter how much of an idiot I am, I’ll never leave. I’ll always be right here, just down the road, whenever you need me. That’s a promise, alright?”