Bang Gang

I’d have to tell her that I’d been fucking Lorraine in secret for years, that the majority of the cash in the box under my bed was from her seedy advances, that she’d been the one to orchestrate the whole fucking lot of it.

And Jodie thought they were friends.

They weren’t fucking friends.

I tried to type it out, tried to say what I needed to say, but everything sounded shit. I’ve never been fucking good with words.

I changed my message to a general we need to talk that sounded so fucking ominous I didn’t want to send it. And then what? If I did? I tell her about Lorraine and what? We weren’t even together, not yet, not definitely. Something like this could put a spanner in the works before we’d even had a shot, before we’d even given ourselves a fair fucking chance of making something real again.

What if Jodie took Lorraine’s side?

She wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Not with a bitch like her.

But would she believe me? Why would she believe me? She hadn’t even trusted me with Mia’s fucking bullying issues.

I hated to think what fucking shit Lorraine would whisper in her ear.

I smoked another cigarette when the cow had finally fucked off, and another after that. I needed to tell Jodie something, needed to warn her, but now wasn’t the time.

We had the rally weekend coming up, in person would be better, talk her through it when I could see her face and she could see mine. Tell her it didn’t mean anything, that Lorraine didn’t mean anything, tell her that I wasn’t even Bang Ganging anymore, hadn’t been since she first came over.

I’d tell her everything. Lay it all out on the table.

Nothing like breaking the habit of a fucking lifetime.

We were all packed up, my poor little Ford bursting to the seams with tents and sleeping bags and a million supplies we’d probably never need. I’d left Nanna with kind Maisie Harris, who came to do her toenails every month. She didn’t mind house sitting, she’d said. No need to house sit, so Nanna said, but I wasn’t convinced.

“I can’t believe we’re actually camping,” Tonya said for the hundredth time. “We haven’t been camping since that time we went out to the cider festival with Trent and Buck when we were kids. I still remember you puking behind the bandstand after too many vodkas.”

“Urgh,” Mia said from the back. “You got drunk, Mum?”

Daisy giggled, and Mia did, too. Two giggly peas in a very small pod, those two.

“It’s an exaggeration,” I lied. “I think I had a dodgy hotdog.”

“Probably that, yeah,” Tonya said, and flashed me a grin.

I wondered if Darren was there already. I guessed he was, and all the guys with him, at least that’s what Ruby claimed. I imagined he was already hard at work, doing all the car stuff, whatever stuff needed to be done with these rally cars.

The event was signposted for miles, and we pulled up into open fields that had been segregated into camping areas. The attendant pointed us over to a spot in the corner, and Ruby squealed in excitement as we got out of the car. People were already setting up tents around us, so we grabbed ours from the car and marked out a spot. I still couldn’t believe I was doing this.

Tonya opened a bottle of cheap fizz as I arranged the tent poles, handed me one in a crappy plastic tumbler. I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Jesus, Tonya, it’s not even ten a.m.”

“Start as we mean to go on,” she said and clinked my glass. “Cheers.”

I took a courtesy sip and placed the tumbler on the car roof. “Let’s get set up.”

She downed hers. “Sure thing.”

I was wrestling tarpaulin when Ruby’s voice rang out. “It’s Buck! Buckkkk! Over here!”

I couldn’t help but notice how quickly Tonya pulled her head from under the canopy. Like a brother my arse.

Ruby was already hanging off his hip, yapping in his ear about her dad, and how brilliant this was going to be, and how many cars were there. He had infinite patience, answering her every question with a smile. I loved Buck for that. He’d always had so much time for the girls.

I watched him hitch her onto his shoulders and point into the distance.

“There he is!” Ruby shrieked. “Mum! Dad’s over there!”

Those bloody butterflies started up again. “I’ll catch up with your dad later, Ruby. We’ve got to get this bloody tent up, unless you want to sleep in the car.”

Buck dropped Ruby at my side. “I’ll give you a hand,” he said.

He did, too. He had the tent up in no time, then blew up our airbeds with the foot pump without even breaking a sweat.

Mia and Daisy hovered, whispering into each other’s ears before Mia found voice enough to ask if they could go chill amongst the crowds.