I watched her through the crowd until she disappeared out of sight.
For a rally event, given that I don’t know shit about cars, and struggle to be all that interested in them, the afternoon was a lot of fun. I had a couple of glasses of light fizz with Tonya, grabbed burgers for us and the girls, and checked in with Nanna who told me she was doing just fine.
It felt so strange to relax. It felt so strange to be me again, away from normal regular life. We sat on some fold up chairs and laughed about times gone by, and Ruby listened to every word, asked about her dad, asked about how we met, how we knew we loved each other.
I told her the truth.
That I’d known I’d loved her dad long before I reached out and took his hand on the way to get fish and chips. I’d known I’d loved him when he’d looked at me with eyes that said I meant something, with the same stare he’d been looking at me with ever since. I’d known I’d loved her father since he’d walked along the river with me and told me that nobody had ever made him laugh the way I made him laugh, and his face had lit up and I knew he meant it.
I always knew he meant it.
I knew Darren Trent inside out and back again.
And there he was, on the edge of the field, stood in a crowd with the other guys, trademark cigarette in his mouth as he laughed at some joke or other. I pulled my coat tighter around me, teeth chattering a little against the chill as the sun went down, and his eyes found me and held me, that same stare that made my tummy flutter.
I smiled and he smiled back, tipped his head.
I wanted him. Fuck, how I wanted him.
“Go to him,” Tonya said.
I shook my head. “He’s with the guys. Busy.”
“I’m sure he’s not gonna grumble.” She laughed. “Go up and surprise him, grab him and stick your tongue down his throat.”
Ruby pulled a face. “That’s gross!”
Tonya ruffled her hair. “Sorry, Ruby. Adult speak. I’ve had too many wines.”
Ruby nodded. “I get it, like garage talk. Still gross.”
A gaggle of women joined the guys, and I felt my heart drop a little. They were dressed up like groupies, short skirts in October and a shit ton of makeup. How do you even look that good when you’re supposed to be camping?
One of the blondes stepped close to Darren, looked at him every time he laughed. She was drinking beer from a can, her smile easy.
“She’s nobody,” Tonya whispered. “Just some dumb cow.”
I shrugged. “Maybe she knows him.”
“She wants to. That’s all.”
She leaned in and asked him a question and he dropped his head, smiled and laughed. I felt jealous and it was absurd. He was probably fucking other women every night of the week and some random blonde’s drunken flirting was bothering me? Quite absurd.
“Can I go see Dad?” Ruby asked. “I’ve finished my burger.” She showed me her empty polystyrene tray as evidence.
I nodded. “If he’s busy with his friends, come back though, right?”
I watched her skip over to him, and the moment she arrived it was as though the blonde didn’t exist. He scooped Ruby up and spun her around, and the world was only her. The blonde sidled away and he didn’t even notice.
“You’re going to have to talk to him,” Tonya said.
“Sorry?”
“This thing, whatever it is, it’s got to go one way or the other. You’ll both end up insane at this rate.”
I sighed. “I know, but it’s got to be the right time.”
“He wants to be with you, Jo, I can see that plain as day, even if you can’t.”
I wished I had her faith. “He’s fucking half the village. He has Stacey’s ring still in his bedside cabinet.”
She raised her eyebrows. “He does?”
I nodded.
“Shit,” she said.
“Tell me about it.”
She took a swig of wine. “Doesn’t add up, Jo. I didn’t think he was all that bothered about Stacey. He never seemed it out at the pub, not like he was about you.”
“He was engaged to her.”
“Yeah, well, maybe she was rebound.”
I laughed. “She wasn’t rebound, Tonya. We’d been split up ages before he got with her.”
“He wasn’t over it ages before he got with her though, Jo, I’d put money on it. He was a mopey sod for a fucking long time before he hooked up with her.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I said. “I was always home with the girls.”
“It’s true. I saw it. Back when I was dating Phil Evans and we were down the Drum every night. He wasn’t over you, Jo. I don’t think he ever has been.”
The wine made me giggle. “Now you’re really pushing it.”
“No,” she said. “I’m not. I’m just telling it how it is.”