The Mammoth Hunters (Earth's Children 3)

“Ayla, show me how to say ‘I love you’ with signs, so I can tell Branag when I see him again,” Deegie asked.

“Clan has no sign like that,” Ayla said.

“Don’t they love each other? You make them sound so human when you talk about them, I thought they would.”

“Yes, they love each other, but they are quiet … no, that is not right word.”

“I think ‘subtle’ is the word you want,” Deegie said.

“Subtle … about showing feelings. A mother might say, ‘You fill me with happiness’ to child,” Ayla replied, showing Deegie the proper sign, “but woman would not be so open … no, obvious?” She questioned her second choice of words and waited for Deegie’s nod before continuing, “Obvious about feelings for man.”

Deegie was intrigued. “What would she do? I had to let Branag know how I felt about him when I found out he’d been watching me at Summer Meetings, just as I’d been looking at him. If I couldn’t have told him, I don’t know what I would have done.”

“A Clan woman does not say, she shows. Woman does things for man she loves, cooks food as he likes, makes favorite tea ready in morning when he wakes up. Makes clothes in special way—inner skin of fur wrap very soft, or warm foot-coverings with fur inside. Even better if woman can know what he wants before he asks. Shows she pays close attention to learn habits and moods, knows him, cares.”

Deegie nodded. “That’s a good way to tell someone you love him. It is nice to do special things for each other. But how does a woman know he loves her? What does a man do for a woman?”

“One time Goov put himself in danger to kill snow leopard that was frightening to Ovra because was prowling too close to cave. She know he did it for her even though he gave hide to Creb, and Iza made fur wrap for me,” Ayla explained.

“That is subtle! I’m not sure if I would have understood.” Deegie laughed. “How do you know he did it for her?”

“Ovra told me, later. I did not know then. I was young. Still learning. Hand signs not all of Clan language. Much more said in face, and eyes, and body. Way of walking, turning of head, tightening muscles of shoulders, if you know what means, says more than words. Took long time to learn language of Clan.”

“I’m surprised, as fast as you’ve been learning Mamutoi! I can watch you. Every day you’re better. I wish I had your gift for language.”

“I am still not right. Many words I do not know, but I think of speaking words in Clan way of language. I listen to words and watch how face looks, feel how words sound and go together and see how body moves … and try to remember. When I show Rydag, and others, hand signs, I learn, too. I learn your language, more. I must learn, Deegie,” Ayla added with a fervor that bespoke her earnestness.

“It isn’t just a game for you, is it? Like the hand signs are for us. It’s fun to think that we can go to the Summer Meeting and speak to each other without anyone else knowing it.”

“I am happy everyone has fun and wants to know more. For Rydag. He has fun now, but is not a game for him.”

“No, I don’t suppose it is.” They reached for the waterskin again, then Deegie stopped and looked at Ayla. “I couldn’t understand why Nezzie wanted to keep him, at first. But then I got used to him, and grew to like him. Now he’s just one of us, and I’d miss him if he wasn’t here, but it never occurred to me before that he might want to talk. I didn’t think he ever gave it a thought.”

Jondalar stood at the entrance of the earthlodge watching the two young women deeply involved in conversation as they approached, pleased to see Ayla getting along so well. When he thought about it, it seemed rather amazing that of all the people they might have met up with, the one group they found had a child of mixed spirits in their midst and so was more willing than most would probably have been to accept her. He’d been right about one thing, though. Ayla didn’t hesitate to tell anyone about her background.

Well, at least she hadn’t told them about her son, he thought. It was one thing for a person like Nezzie to open her heart to an orphan, it was quite another to welcome a woman whose spirit had mingled with a flathead’s, and who’d given birth to an abomination. There was always an underlying fear that it might happen again, and if she drew the wrong kind of spirits to her, they might spread to other women nearby.

Suddenly the tall handsome man flushed. Ayla doesn’t think her son is an abomination, he thought, mortified. He had flinched with disgust when she first told him about her son, and she had been furious. He had never seen her so angry, but her son was her son, and she certainly felt no shame over him. She’s right. Doni told me in a dream. Flatheads … the Clan … are children of the Mother, too. Look at Rydag. He’s a lot brighter than I ever imagined one like him would be. He’s a little different, but he’s human, and very likable.

Jondalar had spent some time with the youngster and discovered how intelligent and mature he was, even to a certain wry wit, particularly when his difference or his weakness was mentioned. He had seen the adoration in Rydag’s eyes every time the boy looked at Ayla. She had told him that boys of Rydag’s age were closer to manhood in the Clan, more like Danug, but it was also true that his weakness might have matured him beyond his years.

She’s right. I know she’s right about them. But if she just wouldn’t talk about them. It would be so much easier. No one would even know if she didn’t tell them.…

She thinks of them as her people, Jondalar, he chided himself, feeling his face heat again, angry at his own thoughts. How would you feel if someone told you not to talk about the people who raised and took care of you? If she’s not ashamed of them, why should you be? It hasn’t been so bad. Frebec’s a troublemaker anyway. But she doesn’t know how people can turn on you, and on anyone who’s with you.

Maybe it’s best that she doesn’t know. Maybe it won’t happen. She’s already got most of this Camp talking like flatheads, including me.

After Jondalar had seen how eagerly nearly everyone wanted to learn the Clan way of communicating, he sat in on the impromptu lessons that seemed to spring up every time someone asked questions about it. He found himself caught up in the fun of the new game, flashing signals across a distance, making silent jokes, such as saying one thing and signing something else behind someone’s back. He was surprised at the depth and the fullness of the silent speech.

“Jondalar, your face is red. What could you be thinking?” Deegie asked in a teasing tone when they reached the archway.

The question caught him off guard, reminded him of his shame, and he blushed deeper in his embarrassment. “I must have been too close to the fire,” he mumbled, turning away.

Why does Jondalar say words that are not true? Ayla wondered, noticing that his forehead was furrowed in a frown and his rich blue eyes were deeply troubled before he averted them. He is not red from fire. He is red from feeling. Just when I think I am beginning to learn, he does something I don’t understand. I watch him, I try to pay attention. Everything seems wonderful, then for no reason, suddenly he’s angry. I can see that he’s angry, but I can’t see what makes him angry. It’s like the games, saying one thing with words and another with signs. Like when he says nice words to Ranec, but his body says he’s angry. Why does Ranec make him angry? And now, something bothers him, but he says fire makes him hot. What am I doing wrong? Why don’t I understand him? Will I ever learn?

The three of them turned to go in and almost bumped into Talut coming out of the earthlodge.

“I was coming to look for you, Jondalar,” the headman said. “I don’t want to waste such a good day, and Wymez did some unplanned scouting on the way back. He says they passed a winter herd of bison. After we eat, we’re going to hunt them. Would you like to join us?”