The Plains of Passage (Earth's Children 4)

The man chanted without words while he rubbed himself with the soft slippery stuff, but Ayla had the feeling that his chanting was not so much ritual as an expression of enjoyment. She was feeling a little light-headed, and she wondered if it might be from the decoction they had drunk.

When they were through, and had used all of the sudsy foam, Losaduna picked up the wooden bowl, walked to the pool and filled it with water, then walked back to the stone-paved area and poured it over himself, rinsing the foam away. He poured two more bowlfuls of water on himself, then brought more and poured it over Madenia, and then Ayla. The water ran off away from the pool and between the cracks of the paving stones. Then the One Who Served the Mother led them back to the hot pool, chanting wordlessly again.

As they sat and soaked, almost floating in the mineralized water, Ayla felt completely relaxed. The hot pool reminded her of the Mamutoi sweat baths, but was, perhaps, even better. When Losaduna decided they had had enough, he reached down into the deep end of the pool and removed a wooden stopper. As the water began to run out of the deep outlet trench, the man began to shout, which shocked her for a moment.

"Evil spirits, go! Cleansing waters of the Mother, take away all traces of the touch of Charoli and all of his men. Impurities, run out with the water, leave this place. When this water is gone, Madenia will be cleansed, purified. The powers of the Mother have made her as she was before!" They walked out of the water.

Not stopping for their clothes, Losaduna led them out. They were so warm from the hot water that the cold wind and the freezing ground on their bare skin felt refreshing. The few people who were out ignored them or turned their heads aside as they passed. With an unpleasant feeling, Ayla was suddenly reminded of another time when people looked directly at her but refused to see her. But this wasn't like being cursed by the Clan. She could tell that the people really did see them. They just affected not to, more as a courtesy than a curse. The walk cooled them down quickly, and by the time they reached the ceremonial shelter, they were happy to find soft dry blankets to wrap themselves in and hot mint tea.

Ayla looked at her hands curved around the cup. They were wrinkled, but absolutely clean! When she began to comb her hair with an implement with several teeth made of bone, she noticed that her hair squeaked when she pulled it through her fingers.

"What was that soft, slippery foam?" she asked. "It cleans like soap-root, but much more thoroughly."

"Solandia makes it," Losaduna said. "It has something to do with wood ashes and fat, but you'll have to ask her."

When she finished her own, Ayla began to comb Madenia's hair. "How do you make the water so hot?"

The man smiled. "That's a Gift of the Mother to the Losadunai. There are several hot springs in this region. Some are used by anyone, any time, but some are more sacred. We consider this one to be the center, the one from which the others come, so it is the most sacred of all. It makes this Cave especially honored. That's why it's so hard for anyone to leave, but our cave is getting so crowded that a group of young people are thinking of founding a new Cave. There is a place downstream and across the river they would like, but that's flathead territory, or very close to it, so they haven't decided what they will do."

Ayla nodded, feeling so warm and relaxed that she didn't want to move. She noticed that Madenia was more relaxed, too, not as stiff and withdrawn. "What a wonderful Gift that heated water is!" Ayla said.

"It's important that we learn to appreciate all the Mother's Gifts," the man said, "but especially her Gift of Pleasure."

Madenia stiffened. "Her Gift is a lie! It is no pleasure, only pain!" It was the first time she had actually spoken. "No matter how I begged them, they wouldn't stop. They just laughed, and when one got through, another started! I wanted to die," she said, then heaved a sob.

Ayla got up, went over to the girl, and held her. "It was my first time, and they wouldn't stop! They wouldn't stop," Madenia cried over and over. "No man will ever touch me again!"

"You have a right to be angry. You have a right to cry. It was a terrible thing they did to you. I know how you feel," Ayla said.

The young woman pulled away. "How do you know how I feel?" she said, full of bitterness and anger.

"Once it was pain and humiliation for me, too," Ayla said.

The young woman looked surprised, but Losaduna 'nodded, as though he suddenly understood something.

"Madenia," Ayla said gently, "when I was near your age, a little younger I think, but not long after I started my moon time, I was forced, too. It was my first time. I didn't know it was meant for Pleasure. For me it was only pain."

"But only one man?" Madenia said.

"Only one man, but he demanded it of me many times after that, and I hated it!" Ayla said, surprised herself at the anger she still felt.

"Many times? Even after being forced the first time? Why didn't someone stop him?" Madenia said.

"They believed it was his right. They thought I was wrong for feeling such anger and hatred, and they didn't understand why I should feel pain. I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. After a while, I felt no pain, but no Pleasure either. It was not done for Pleasure. It was done to humiliate me, and I never stopped hating it. Hut ... I stopped caring. Something wonderful happened, and no matter what he did, I thought about something else, something happy, and I ignored him. When he couldn't make me feel anything, not even anger, I think he felt humiliated, and he finally stopped. But I didn't ever want a man to touch me again."

"No man will ever touch me again!" Madenia said.

"All men are not like Charoli and his band, Madenia. Some are like Jondalar. He was the one who taught me the joy and the Pleasure of the Mother's Gift, and I promise you, it is a wonderful Gift. Give yourself a chance to meet a man like Jondalar, and you will learn the joy, too."

Madenia shook her head. "No! No! It is terrible!"

"I know it was terrible. Even the best Gifts can be misused, and the good turned to evil. But someday you will want to be a mother, and you will never be a mother, Madenia, if you don't share the Mother's Gift with a man," Ayla said.

Madenia was crying, her face wet with tears. "Don't say that. I don't want to hear that."

"I know you don't, but it's true. Don't let Charoli spoil the good for you. Don't let him take away your chance to be a mother. Have your First Rites so you can learn that it doesn't have to be terrible. I finally learned, though there was no gathering and no ceremony to celebrate it. The Mother found a way to give me that joy. She sent me Jondalar. The Gift is more than Pleasures, Madenia, much more, if it is shared with caring, and love. If the pain I had the first time was the price I had to pay, I would gladly pay it many times for the love I have known. You have suffered so much, maybe the Mother will give you someone special, too, if you give Her a chance. Just think about it, Madenia. Don't say no until you think about it."

Ayla woke up feeling more rested and refreshed than she could ever remember. She smiled lazily to herself and reached for Jondalar, but he was up and gone already. She felt a moment of disappointment, then remembered that he had awakened her to remind her that he was going hunting with Laduni and some of the hunters, and to ask her again if she wanted to join them. She had declined the same offer made the evening before because she had other plans for the day, and she had stayed in bed enjoying the rare luxury of snuggling back into the warm furs.