Wrong Kind of Love

“No! Fucking tell me why.” The boom of his voice combined with the click of something on the gun sends me over whatever edge I’m clinging to.

I lose my hold on any sense of calm, freefalling into a kind of all-encompassing dread that takes over my entire body. Warm liquid trickles down my legs, and I can’t even be embarrassed. Instead, I just stand here, my entire body shaking, tears rolling down my cheeks. “Please.”

His eyes slam closed, and the gun slips, trailing over my throat before it drops to his side. “I can’t fucking do this…” he whispers, then backs away.

Adrenaline crashes through my body like a storm, and I break down, slumping to the floor like a puppet with cut strings as strangled sobs breaks from my lips. I don’t know how I pictured what impending death would look like, but the reality has stripped me to the bone and then ground me to dust. I’ve never felt so small, my life so inconsequential as it does right now.

A lamp crashes against the wall, pulling my attention to Jude. His waiting gaze trails from my face to the floor, and the rage seems to dissipate as his chin drops to his chest. He paces beside the bed, rubbing at the back of his neck for a few moments before he stops. “Get up.”

My legs are too weak to move, and when I don’t budge, Jude grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet. If he’s not going to kill me, the least he could do is leave me to my shame and misery.

Without warning, he picks me up and carts me out of the room. I know I should fight him, but the numb state of shock has stolen any bravery I had.

He carries me down the hall and into a dark room, spinning around to fumble for the switch. Bright light flickers to life, shining over the massive tub and walk-in shower. I picture my blood splashed over the pristine tiles, my dead body in the tub as he crosses the room with me.

He places me on my feet, then shoves me inside the shower, and turns the taps. Freezing water pelts down on me, forcing me to suck in a startled breath.

“Take your clothes off,” he says.

Two minutes ago, he had a gun to my head. Anger overrides fear in an instant. “You sick fuck!” I shove him, but like a concrete wall, he doesn’t budge. So I pound my fists over him again and again until I’m out of breath. The rage at him, at Euan, at my entire situation, bleeds from me with every blow. I want to hurt him the way he’s hurt me. He just put a gun to my head, ready to kill me, like my life is worth less than nothing. I wish he could feel a sliver of the fear I just felt. Not once does he try to stop me from hitting him? He simply takes it, allowing me to keep going until the water has warmed and my arms are weak, and my cheeks are wet from tears.

He stares at me through the wall of steam building between our locked gazes. “Don’t make me fucking repeat myself, Victoria.”

I’m still terrified of him, but that doesn’t stop me from telling him to go fuck himself one more time, and that’s all it takes. He leans into the shower and grabs the collar of my shirt, shredding it down the middle. I snatch the material together, trying to cover myself from his gaze, but he simply steps out. “You’ve got five minutes,” he says, closing the shower door with a bang.

I stand beneath the water and clutch the hummingbird necklace my sister gave me for my sixteenth birthday, trying to ground myself. Will I ever see her again? I wonder as I watch the man who almost took me from her take a seat on the vanity.

Almost...why didn’t he? What made him stop? I refuse to believe that he has a conscience, yet I find myself clinging to the possibility. That may be the only thing that will save me. So how can I play into that… In the three days I spent in Caleb’s room, he talked about Jude like he idolized him. They obviously have a close relationship. Maybe if I can make him identify with that, he’ll let me go. “I have a sister. Her name is Lizzy.” I suck in a stuttered breath. “We’re all each other has.”

Silence. And I can no longer see him because the glass is fogged over, which is the only reason I strip out of my clothes. “I don’t know if Euan will pay you, but please, just don’t kill me. Don’t kill me over his debt. Don’t do that to my sister.”