Wrong Kind of Love

Our lips meet, and he shifts me in his lap until my back hits the mattress. "I fucking want you, Tor. Let me have you. Please.”

When his body cages me in, the rough material of his jeans rubs between my legs, and my mind attempts to dredge up nightmarish memories again. I fight it, digging my nails into Jude’s shoulders. "Again," I whisper. “Tell me again.”

"I love you, Tor. So much." Those words break through Tom’s hold until it’s just Jude and me and our bond forged through love and suffering. I lower his fly and widen my legs. I need him to erase every bad memory I have and create new ones.

"I love you.”

His hand slips between my thighs, and a thousand feelings bombard me at once, waging a war inside my head.

"Breathe," he whispers, and I realize how much my muscles have tensed. “Just breathe, doll.” He waits a moment before his fingers brush over me, then stops. “You okay?”

I honestly don’t know, but I do know I need him to do this. I nod, and he presses inside me. I expect it to feel intrusive and unwelcome, and I wait for fear to raise its ugly head, but it never does because this is nothing like what happened to me with Tom. This isn't violent or degrading. This is Jude.

His fingers work inside me, and his lips cover mine in a greedy kiss. “God, I fucking need you.”

I need him too. Before my courage can fade, I grab him and guide him into me. When he nudges my entrance, I tense again. His gaze meets mine, so full of adoration. “I love you, Tor.” And then he pushes inside, and I cling to him like he’s the only dry land in an endless sea.

His forehead touches mine on a deep groan as he stills inside me. “God-fucking-damn, woman.”

With each slow movement, each gentle kiss, my body softens to him, and the tension gives way to pleasure. Jude takes away everything by giving himself to me.

"You're mine, Tor. No one can take you from me.”

“Yours.”

He claims me until all traces of Tom are swept away, and all that’s left is Jude.

_____

The next morning, I wake to Jude’s naked body wrapped around mine, his palm resting on my stomach. A sense of warmth and happiness radiates through me. I feel like I’ve conquered a demon by exercising Tom’s hold on me. Jude and I have each other, and we have a baby on the way. I still don’t know that I’ve fully got my head around that, but at least Jude seems pleased about it.

Despite wanting to live in the moment, I can’t help this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that fears being happy. The higher you climb, the worse the fall, and I feel like I’m somehow playing right into Tom’s hands.

I slip out from underneath Jude without waking him, then dress in a tank that’s grown a little too tight and a pair of shorts before I head downstairs to the kitchen.

A stream of smoke drifts over Marney’s shoulder. When I move around the breakfast bar, he peeks over the edge of his paper.

“If you ain’t told him yet, he’s gonna figure it out real soon. Those clothes of yours are getting snug….”

“He figured it out last night, Marney.”

Marney whistles. “Bet that went over like shit in a punch bowl.”

My lips twitch. Where does he come up with this stuff? I grab a glass of water then open the freezer for ice. Instead of a carton of Rocky Road and a bag of frozen broccoli, my gaze lands on a garbage bag partially covering a bloodied face. I slam the door on a scream, adrenaline setting my veins on fire.

"Well, hell.” Marney pushes up from the counter. “I would've warned you if I'd known you'd be going in there.”

He nudges me out of the way with a smile, then opens the freezer door. “Let me help you out.” By the time he fishes a handful of ice cubes out, Jude’s in the doorway with a look of alarm on his face

"What in the hell are you screaming about?"

“What am I screaming about?” I narrow my gaze at him, my mood swinging from one of a shock to annoyed disbelief. “There’s a head.” I thumb behind me. “In the freezer! Why?”

Marney pats my back on a cackle as he shuffles around me. “Gotta keep them cold, or they start to smell.”

I don’t know what’s worse, the fact they put a severed human head in the freezer or that, after the initial shock, I’m not totally surprised.

Jude’s attention swings to Marney, who plops onto the bar stool with a grunt. “Why did you let her open the freezer, old man?”

“I didn’t know she was gonna.”

I cock a brow. “Because that’s the issue here...”