Dirty Secret

"Not love. Marriage. They're different things." Sienna turns to me. "What do you think, Cam? What's your philosophy on marriage?"

"Don't," I say.

Sienna laughs. "That's pretty clear. But what if you had to do it?"

"Why would I need to get married?" I sip my wine. It's good Pinot. Full-bodied, fruity, strong. A deep berry, without the sweetness.

"Because it's a hypothetical question," she says.

I raise a brow.

"You're that against it?" she asks.

"What's my other option?" I ask.

"Uh… you can never have sex again," she says.

"Let's go to the courthouse right now," I say.

"Me and you?" Her eyes widen with surprise.

"If I have to marry someone," I say. "A cute football player who's obsessed with sex."

Ty shoots me a tread carefully look.

"What else is there?" I ask.

"Besides soccer and sex?" she asks. "Coffee?"

"Do you make coffee?" I ask.

"Already asking me to make your coffee?" She shakes her head, how rude. "I'm not that kind of wife."

Indigo chuckles. "You have no idea what you're getting into."

I don't.

"I'll make the coffee if you make dinner," I say.

"You do the dishes."

I hold out my hand.

She shakes. "Look at us, negotiating. We're such a great couple already."

"Fuck her over my dead body." Ty tries to sell it as casual, but he doesn't quite get there.

I shrug like I buy his threat as a joke. "Damn. There goes our perfect marriage."

"There's always a catch," Sienna says.

The conversation shifts back to the wedding and Ty and Indigo's happily ever after, but Ty's promise stays in the air.

He'll do anything to protect her.

And he'll destroy anyone who hurts her.

By the time we finish dessert, we're three bottles of wine deep, and Sienna is no longer hiding her desire to fuck me.

I should be used to stolen glances. Sure, I haven't seen her in months, but I see the same look in other women's eyes all the time.

Women want to fuck me.

I'm rich, handsome, well-dressed. When I want to turn up the carefree charm, I can.

When I turn it off and let my fucked-up thoughts seep into my behavior—

Women are even more interested when I'm an arsehole. All right, I'm always an arsehole, but when I'm a brooding one, I clean up.

Women see me as a damaged bad boy—a rich one, in a suit, how novel—and they want to tame me. No matter how much I stress that I won't call them after, that I won't want to see them after we part, they take it as a challenge.

No matter how much they claim otherwise, or insist they're fine with a short fling, they believe they'll fix me.

They never do.

It's not possible.

I've been this way for half my life.

No one knows what happened. Only Ty and the older woman who ruined my ability to connect sex and intimacy.

I don't like people after I fuck them now.

I don't know why. I stopped asking why a long time ago.

Sienna deserves better. She's a sweet girl. She needs someone who will hold her, stroke her hair, whisper I love you.

That isn't me.

Even if everything was different, that isn't me.

I'll never be what she needs.

I shouldn't even think about it.

But my inhibitions are weak after all that wine. My head fills with images of her in my hotel room.

My tie around her wrists.

Her long legs splayed over the bed.

Her fingers curled into the sheets.

What does she sound like when she comes?

Is it a high-pitched whine?

Or something low and deep?

Breathy?

The server interrupts with the check. I push my dirty thoughts aside for long enough to fight Ty for the right to pay.

We agree to rock-paper-scissors.

He wins.

After he pays, I insist on walking the trio to their building.

We're close to Battery Park, but it's too dark to see the green. I only catch sight of the Hudson. The azure river reflecting the silver moon.

The not quite dark sky. With all the light pollution, the sky never darkens. It stays that perfect soft blue. A perfect contrast to the yellow fluorescent lights and the silver steel.

"Oh no." Sienna shakes her head. "You're one of those people, aren't you?"

"Which people?" I ask.

"Who fall in love with the city."

"I don't know New York well."

The light turns green. She waits for me to walk. Stays in time with me. Stays four paces behind her sister and Ty. "I could show you around."

It's a good idea. Being in public, far from my hotel room, will make it a lot harder to do something stupid. "Make sure I don't fall in love?"

"I can't control that. But I can show you the ugly parts too. Not just the Empire State Building at night or Central Park in the afternoon."

"I might fall in love anyway."

Her eyes flit to Indigo and Ty. "Aren't you supposed to say something about London is the superior city?"

"How can I judge fairly, when I haven't seen New York?"

"You've been here twice in the time I've known you." She steps onto the sidewalk. "And you're… older."