Dirty Secret

She laughs.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. It's not funny you're… jealous?"

My blush deepens.

"But we totally disagree about Billie Eilish's brilliance."

"You do?" Which of them likes her?

She nods. "You're right. I love talking to your sister. We're already close friends and we connect in a lot of ways, including music."

"Cool hair?"

"And cool hair. And even old movies." She laughs. "But she loses me when she starts to talk about melody. And I lose her when I talk about literature."

"Really?"

"Really. We're friends, good friends even, but she's always going to be your older sister."

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Is she going to stop being your sister?"

I nod. "If she finds out I fucked Cam."

She laughs. "She won't."

"She'll be disappointed."

"Maybe, but she'll get over it."

I shake my head.

She stands. "I won't argue. She's your sister. You know her better. But I'm an older sister too, and my sister did a lot worse to me and I still love her more than anything."

"What did she do?"

"I can't say. It's hers. But it's bad. It's weird to call it bad. It's probably selfish, thinking about my feelings in this situation, but… she hurt me. She hurt me deeply, and I didn't know if I'd ever forgive her."

It's hard to imagine anything coming between Eve and her sister. They're incredibly close. They're twins. But there's an edge to Eve's voice. Whatever it is, it did hurt her deeply. Deeply enough, it still causes her pain.

"Besides, Indigo is much sweeter than I am."

"Maybe."

She offers her hand. "You want to look? Or you want to sit a little longer?"

"I can look. Just… slowly." I take her hand. Let her help me up. Follow her to the wall on the right, the one filled with black silk. "This is really her."

"Ty must like silk. She has a lot of it."

"Have you worn silk?"

"Yeah, okay, I see your point. It's very…"

"Sensual?"

"Yeah." My cheeks flush at the memory of Cam rubbing me over my silk camisole. And then I remember that he's not mine and he won't be mine and my stomach sinks.

"Are you okay?"

No, but I need to finish this, so I can go home and hug his cufflinks by myself. "I'm surprised you let Ian dress you. You know, with your…" What was it she said? "Hatred of the patriarchy?"

"Am I that much of a broken record?"

"No… sometimes." And Cam was right. "I'm probably just as bad with talking about soccer all the time."

"It all sounds the same to me." She nods.

"But, uh, it is cool that you're so passionate. I don't always get the nuance, but I appreciate the commitment."

"Thanks."

"So I'm surprised you let Ian dress you."

"It was part of our agreement at first."

"Really?"

She nods. "And… what was I going to do, turn down half a million dollars?"

"Did you think about it?"

"Of course. I was scared."

"Even though you wanted him?"

"Because I wanted him. He's… intense. I was afraid I'd fall in love with him. But, of course, I wasn't going to let something silly like that talk me out of paying my college tuition."

"Yeah."

"I didn't really get him at first," she says. "He was teasing me when he was dressing me. Because he knew the idea I had of him."

"I can see that." Well, I can see Cam doing it. "Plus, he gets to picture you naked in the dressing room."

She laughs. "And he didn't want me to feel under-dressed. Though—" She flips her teal hair. "I'm not sure I ever blend in."

"Would you want to?"

"Sometimes. Not usually." She dismisses a slip as too similar. Studies a bodysuit with a deep v-neck. "Do you?"

"I don't usually think about it. I like to look cute, but unless I'm dressing up, I'm all about comfortable."

"Dressing up to appeal to someone?"

My cheeks flush. And my stomach sinks again. I want Cam. I can't have Cam. It doesn't make sense.

She holds up a lace bodysuit. "This would be cute on you."

"Maybe."

"With your shoulders and the halter neck? Definitely."

I glance at the price tag. Sure, it would be cute, but it's really not in my budget, and I'm not really in the mood to try on lingerie. "I don't know."

"On me?"

"No way."

"On… Cam?"

"No, we, uh… it was a temporary thing."

"And it's…"

"Over."

"Oh." Her eyes go wide. "I'm sorry. That's hard."

"Yeah."

"Fuck lingerie. And fuck men, right?"

"No, it's okay." Maybe I will feel better if I try it on. Maybe I'll be able to focus on how much I want to fuck Cam and turn that into wanting to fuck, period. Or maybe I'll feel badass and hot and ready to find a new guy to make me forget Cam.

That's a theoretical possibility.

Technically.

"I'll try it," I say.

She hands me the bodysuit. "Should I try something too?"

"No offense, Eve, but I really don't care if I see you in lingerie or not."

She chuckles. "Being able to see my hip tattoo isn't doing it for you?"