I kiss her, soft, hard, feeling too much of everything, like she’s slipping through my fingers just as the days are, the time we have together. I don’t want to lose her, I don’t want to let go of her. I want to keep fucking her like this, buried so deep inside so that she’ll never be able to shed me, or forget me.
I want her to stay with me and I’m too fucking scared to ask for it.
So, instead, I let out a guttural groan, and she whimpers in response, and our need for each other fills the room, becoming something bigger than the both of us.
Let me have this, let me just have this.
I keep pumping into her harder and harder. My hips slam against the sink as I fuck her, faster, and her legs wrap tighter around me, keeping me as close as possible.
“Yes, yes,” she whispers, and I glance at her, watching as her eyes pinch shut, as her head starts to slam back against the mirror. Fuck, this is hot. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.
Her hands move frantically up and down my shirt, nails digging into my muscles and trailing down to my ass where she yanks me into her, until I’m driven so deep inside her that the air is knocked out of my lungs and I’m gasping for breath.
“Fuck, Shay,” I swear, grunting with each thrust, the sweat beading on my forehead and rolling off onto her tits, which are practically popping out of her dress. “I’m not going to last long.”
“I’m ready for you,” she says, nails digging in deeper. “I want to feel you come inside me. Make me drip with you.”
Holy fuck. I have never heard Shay do any sort of dirty talk before, and I have to say, I’m in fucking love with it.
“Good girl,” I grunt, pressing my hand against her throat, holding her head back against the mirror as I fuck her longer, deeper. “Such a good girl, Shay.”
She watches me with wild eyes and then I reach down with my other hand, sliding over my slick shaft where it disappears into her at breakneck speed, bringing my fingers up until I’m rubbing at her clit.
“Oh fuck!” she calls out, coming already, and now I can’t hold back any longer. I arch my back, driving my cock up at an angle while she orgasms, her thighs quivering as she convulses around my cock, squeezing and…
There.
So close.
Fuck.
I come, eyes rolling back into my head, the bathroom spinning until we’re in a galaxy of our own. I think I’m swearing in Norwegian, my words turning into nonsensical animal sounds as I keep coming inside her, shooting straight into her as my pumps begin to slow.
I feel like I’m being emptied, not just physically, but emotionally. Like I’m being drained, giving Shay every single ounce of me, hoping she’ll keep me safe and close to her heart.
But as my orgasm starts to leave my body, and I’m aware that I just fucked her inside a public washroom in Alesund, all my old worries come back to me.
That I won’t be enough for her.
That this is all I’ll get of her.
And that I’ll spend the rest of my days regretting that I didn’t do more to keep her this second time around.
Because the problem now, the problem that I see so very clearly, is that I can’t just let Shay go, and I can’t keep her either. One is unfair to me, the other is unfair to her.
The problem is that I love her.
I’ve fallen back in love with her.
And if history has taught me anything, it’s that this isn’t going to end well.
18
Shay
One of the first things the guidebooks to Norway will tell you is that you have to get out to see the fjords. There are so many of them, including the one that leads to Todalen, that most travelers will be overwhelmed with choices, but it’s Geirangerfjord that most people talk about. It’s definitely the one on the actual cover of the guidebooks.
Right now, standing beside Anders on the top deck of the ferry, I can see why it’s a UNESCO World Heritage Site, and the fairy-tale like subject of so many photos. It’s narrow as hell, with countless waterfalls splashing down the sharp sides of the towering sheer mountains, plunging into the depths of the ocean. There’s barely any shoreline, and when there is a pocket of land, picturesque remains of abandoned farms, accessible only by boat, add some color to the endless green, gray and blue.
More than anything, this fjord makes you feel impossibly small. This car ferry looks like a miniature ship in comparison, and everything seems too big to contain with your eyes.
In a way, it reminds me of how I feel around Anders.