She pulled her hand out of my grasp. “So, you telling me you loved me this morning was more about priming me for this huge bomb you were about to drop in my lap?”
“What? No!” I gasped. “My god, Skylar, don’t ever think that! I told you I loved you because I do. I fucking love you. Every single, wonderful thing about you. There was no ulterior motive to me saying that to you this morning. I just had to tell you in case it all fell apart when I told you this.”
Skylar was quiet for a long time. The silence was deafening. I wanted to say something to break it. The longer she went without speaking, the edgier I became. She stared down at her hands. Edgar started whining, picking up on the tension.
After what felt like forever, Skylar looked up at me, her eyes wet. “I understand, Rob. I really do. I know why you made the choices you did. You were young and easily manipulated. You felt you had to take care of your family in the only way you could.”
I felt immeasurable relief. “Yes, Sky. That’s exactly it.”
“And I can understand why you continued to dance. Why you set up that website. I imagine once you’re entrenched in it, it’s hard to give up. And this time it was in your hands. Tiffany wasn’t controlling it. That had to be a powerful feeling.”
She got it. She really did.
“Skylar, I’m so relieved you understand. I was so worried—”
“I said I understand, Rob, that doesn’t mean I’m okay with you lying to me for months. For making me fall in love with you all the while keeping something so big from me. I can get why you don’t want your mom or brother to know. I especially understand why it’s important to keep this from Adam and Jeremy. But from me? I’m your girlfriend. I thought we were building something special here.” She was crying now. My god, why was she crying?
“We are, Sky. What we have is so special, so important. Don’t you see what you mean to me?”
She shook her head. “I would never judge you, Rob. But I can’t forgive your duplicity. If you lie to me about this, how can I trust you not to lie about other things? I can’t live a life always wondering if you are telling me everything. If you were saying one thing but then doing something else behind my back.” She covered her face with her hands. “I love you, Robert. I love you so much it hurts. But I can’t be with someone that I can’t trust. You know this.”
She loved me. She just said the words I had been longing to hear from her.
And she tells me as she’s breaking my goddamn heart.
“No, Sky. Don’t do this. We can get through it. I’ll work hard to make you trust me again. I’ll prove it to you.” I was crying now. I couldn’t stop. “Please, Skylar, I love you.”
“I can’t trust you, Robert. That’s the end of this story.” She rubbed her face, wiping the tears from her skin. “I want you to go now.”
I reached for her, pulling her into my arms. I wouldn’t let her go. Not now. Not ever. “You have to believe me; I’ll never lie to you ever again. I promise.” I was sobbing. I couldn’t bear to lose her. Not now. Not after all this.
For a moment she melted into me as if her body couldn't help it. I lifted her face and kissed her nose, her cheeks, her chin. “I love you, Skylar. Please, don’t do this,” I whispered, kissing her mouth, begging her with my lips. “Please.”
She closed her eyes and when she opened them there was a resolve that chilled me to the bone. “I’ve asked you to leave, Robert.”
And that was that.
She had shut down. She was past hearing me now. I didn't want to leave, but I wouldn’t push her either. I knew that once I walked out that door, that was it. We were finished. And that was something I would never, ever accept.
Except it’s what she said she wanted.
And her wants and needs would have to matter more than my own.
I dropped my hands and with a final pat on Edgar’s large head, I stood up. “I love you, Skylar. Don’t ever forget that,” I said quietly as I headed to the door.
As I drove down the driveway back to the main road, I knew that I had left my heart behind and I’d never get it back.
Chapter Fifteen
Skylar
“Come on, Sky, you need to get out of the house. You’ve been wearing that same PJs for a week and a half now,” Meg complained, pulling on my arm. I weakly got up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.