Calculated Risk (Blackbridge Security 5)

First the apology for the first kiss, and then last night? The man is really giving me a complex, but I keep putting myself in the position to be rejected and humiliated.

I found my car keys on the kitchen counter last night, and I saw my car was parked next to the space we pulled into last night, making my getaway super easy this morning.

I’m already regretting getting off work and make a plan to contact Parker at lunch to see if she’ll go shoot with me. Avoiding going back to the condo as long as possible is on the top of my priority list.

I don’t know how much later Quinten stayed up after me, but I found a note beside my purse this morning with an apology for digging through my things and a warning that he loaded my little gun.

The weight of it on my shoulder this morning on the elevator ride down felt much heavier than the couple of pounds I know it to be. Being armed carries a lot of worry and fear rather than a sense of security.

I let the idea of walking around armed sweep over me the times I went to shoot alone, but I don’t feel an ounce of that confidence now that I actually am. I’m more worried about it going off and shooting me in the leg, or someone stealing it and doing something terrible with it.

Once I arrive at the office, I spend fifteen minutes in my car just sitting. I’m way too early to be at work, and I doubt my boss will care if I get there before everyone else. I still wouldn’t be able to leave until five. I hate giving my time away for free. I told the truth yesterday when I confessed to Quinten that I didn’t like my job.

I don’t think a single person there is happy, and if they are, it’s because they’re new and the job just hasn’t sucked the life out of them yet. Accounting is a solid skill to have, and I know I can find work elsewhere, but that also means putting in applications and interviewing, and honestly, the idea of that right now with everything else going on makes me even more exhausted than I already feel. It’s just one more thing I’ll need to add to my never-ending list.

It took hours for me to fall asleep last night, despite being utterly spent. I blame Quinten and the weirdness of yesterday evening. I can’t seem to turn my head off where he’s concerned and being in such close proximity to him isn’t making things better.

First, he teases me about sex toys, and then he maybe almost kisses me? The man can’t seem to make up his mind. I do know that I liked the feel of his hand on my hip, hating that my blouse was tucked in rather than wearing a t-shirt or tank top that gave him the chance to actually feel my skin. It didn’t stop the warmth of him though. I felt that heat there long after ending the awkward encounter and walking away.

I squeeze my eyes shut, needing just a moment without my head filled with thoughts of him, but closing my eyes brings snippets of my dreams from last night back to memory. Geez, the bravery I’m able to display in my dreams is nothing like the shy girl who walked away last night when all I wanted to do was climb him like a tree and press my lips to his.

Grumbling, I climb out of my car and head to the elevator that will lead me to my floor, hoping that distracting myself with work will keep my mind from wandering to places it has no business heading. I want to be brave. I want to open my mouth the next time I see him and demand he tell me why he keeps backing away. I want to ask him to his face if he wants to kiss me. If he rejects me then, so be it. At least I’ll know where his head is at. At least I’ll know where I stand. Not knowing has the power to drive me insane.

As the elevator begins to ascend, my phone chirps, reminding me just how early I am because it’s the thirty minute warning alarm I’ve set to prevent me from being late. I pull it from my purse, silencing the alarm and staring down at the otherwise blank screen. Parker hasn’t been as interactive as normal lately, and although I’m concerned for what’s going on in her life that she seems insistent on keeping me in the dark about, I have things going on in my life that I haven’t been quick to update her on either. It seems we both have our secrets.