The Secrets That Find Us (The Devils Dust MC Legacy)

I’ve regretted letting her go every single day of my life and can’t even be around anyone’s kid because it makes me think of her.

“What’s her name?” My voice trembles, curious what the family decided.

“Penelope,” my father answers and I can’t help the sob that slips from my lips. That is such a cute name. When I was pregnant, I had the worst names picked out. Penelope is perfect, it’s cute and tough. Wiping my cheeks, sniffling back my feelings, I look to my mother who is also crying.

“Can I see her?” I ask with a shaky voice.

“Of course.” She stands up, and I slip off the bed and follow her and my dad into the hall, Lee right behind me until we are back outside by the SUV.

Penelope is talking with Mark, showing him the stuffed frog. Sensing me, she stops talking and glances up at me, her eyes squinting from the sun just above the club. Walking to her on unsteady legs, I feel the whole club staring at me, the pressure of what to say and do unreal.

Kneeling just before her, I smile, tears filling my eyes again.

“I like your frog.” Reaching out, I run a finger down one of its kinked-up legs.

“Thanks,” she mumbles, rocking her body back and forth.

Silence falls between us and I just stare at her, I can’t help it. She has Thane’s eyes and my face. Her hair is so cute and I imagine brushing it.

“Are you my new mommy?”

My eyes shoot to Mark. How would she know such a thing?

“Her mother must have known it was her time, I’m not sure, but Penelope knows that she was adopted, and you are her real mother,” he explains, and then I feel even worse about the situation.

How will I ever explain to her that I gave her up for adoption because I wasn’t ready, that I was scared but regretted it instantly and thought about her every day since.

I tilt my head to the side. “Do you want me to be your new mommy?”

Penelope’s face drops, her bottom lip quivering.

“I want two mommies.” She starts to cry and I can’t hold back anymore.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest. She doesn’t fight me, and it doesn’t feel weird, it feels right. Resting my head on top of hers, I hold her and sit on my knees for what seems like forever but not near long enough because since the day my fingers slipped from the blanket wrapped around her at the hospital, I’ve dreamed of holding my baby girl once again. She smells of candy and a hint of baby lotion. Closing my eyes, I inhale the scent until I have no choice but to exhale. She’s so small and delicate, how did I ever think giving her to anyone else would be better?

“We need to discuss a few things, Delilah,” Mark interrupts my thoughts and I glare in his direction. I just want to be left alone with my daughter.

“Like what, what do you need?”

“Like, are you taking guardianship? There’re some uncles and aunts from the adoptive parents waiting to hear from me as soon as possible.”

“What, why?” Panic and confusion clogs my throat and it dawns on me they want her to come live with them now that her parents are gone. Her family, people she celebrated holidays with and came to her birthday parties.

Running my fingers through Penelope’s hair, I look to my own mom because for the first time in a long time… I don’t know what to do and I want my mom.

25

Big Chief/Lee

Sitting at the bar, I watch the little girl sitting on the leather couch across the room. Jesus, I’ve seen some nasty shit done on that couch. She shouldn’t be sitting on it. I see Delilah in her face. The hair, her nose, even the shape of her face. I can’t believe D has a fucking kid. I thought she had a miscarriage with Thane, but the little ball of life sits right in front of me, swinging her feet as she sings a song I don’t know and forcefully makes her frog hop across her lap. She’s cute, too damn cute but then again her mom is gorgeous, so why wouldn’t she be. Shadow must have ordered everyone home when the kid showed up because the club is quiet. That means nobody else knows about Penelope, I bet.

Penelope looks up at me and stops singing, her long lashes almost touching her eyebrows.

“Are you thirsty?” I ask in a gentle tone, not wanting the gruffness in my voice to come off scary.

She nods. Slipping off the stool, I hear Shadow’s voice get louder from the other room. Him, the lawyer guy, Dani, and Delilah are all discussing what is next for the little girl. At least that’s what I overheard.