Robyn nodded and talked about the months after the shooting. Bending his head, he pressed soft kisses to her scars as she told him about her recovery, about the therapy, the nightmares she still had sometimes, and about her sister abandoning her when she needed her.
He raised his head and saw the pain of that abandonment buried in the back of her eyes, and vowed he would never lose sight of that vulnerability in Robyn again. He knew better than anyone that often those who seemed the strongest buried their pain a little deeper than the rest. Sometimes those who seemed the strongest needed the support of others more than those around them ever realized.
Past boyfriends, Mac, Regan, even her mother … they’d failed to make Robyn a priority.
Lachlan suspected it was the thing she craved most, even if she couldn’t admit it.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” The words were out before he could stop them.
Instead of flinching from his concerns, Robyn reached up to stroke his cheek, her fingers rasping against the bristle of his beard. “Tell me why you don’t want anything more than casual. Please.”
It was something he’d never said out loud before.
Something he wasn’t too proud of.
And to confess it to Robyn, the most fearless person he knew … “You’ll think less of me.”
“Try me.”
Pulse racing, the urge to remove himself physically from her was strong, and as if she sensed it or felt his increased heart rate, she slid her leg over his, her strong thigh trapping him.
It was hard to want to move after that. “I’m not you, Braveheart,” he admitted. “I might have played an action hero on the screen … but I’m afraid I’m a bit of a cowardly bastard.”
“I don’t believe that.”
He huffed bitterly. “I … I lost my mum. Then I lost my dad. He was there, but without her, he fell apart. He wasn’t the man or the father he was before her death. Even though he got better over the years, he never moved on. People are supposed to move on, aren’t they?”
“He loved her very much,” Robyn whispered, emotion bright in her eyes.
“Half of him was here. The other half was with her. And then Aunt Imogen died before I lost Dad too.” He squeezed her waist. “If that wasn’t bad enough, I had to watch my brother go through the same thing. He’s stronger than my dad ever was, but I’m my father through and through. And there’s the fact that my great-grandfather lost his wife young in childbirth too. His father before him lost his wife to influenza only six months after they were wed. We Adairs seem cursed to lose the people we love.” His grip on her tightened. “What a fucking awful existence my father had. I can’t imagine anything worse.”
Understanding dawned on her face.
“Lachlan,” she whispered. Her lips parted as if she wanted to say more but didn’t have the words.
That’s because there were none.
His was a deep-seated fear and as much as this woman was under his skin … he wasn’t certain the fear wouldn’t win in the end.
“I’m a risk,” he said, owing her that honesty.
“Then I guess I’m a risk too.” She moved over him, pushing him back on the bed, straddling him. Her hair tumbled around her shoulders, tickling his skin, and he reacted instantly to the glorious sight of her naked body.
He was addicted.
“I can stay …” She pressed a kiss to his chest. “And rather than labeling ourselves something, we just see what happens.” She looked into his eyes. “Or if you want me to, I can go, and I promise not to hold it against you. What do you want, Lachlan?”
His body betrayed him, his hands gripping her hips tight at the words “or I can go.”
Staring at this brave, sexy woman who had taken over his life, he knew what she’d do. She would face her fear head-on.
She inspired him.
He flipped her onto her back with such speed, she let out a cute squeak of surprise. Lachlan took hold of her hands and held her down. “Does that answer your question?”
Robyn grinned, and in a quick blur of movement, he found himself on his back again.
He stared up at the ceiling, dazed.
How the fuck did she do that?
As she moved over him, announcing it was her turn, Lachlan gave a bark of laughter and happily let her have at it.
30
Lachlan
It was unlike Lachlan to feel nervous about anything, but as he stood outside Mac’s office, he hesitated a moment to take a deep bloody breath.
The truth was, since his affair with Robyn had begun, he’d been avoiding his friend. Not just because it was complicated but because he wasn’t sure he could give her up if that’s what Mac wanted. And that seemed ungrateful at best, perfidious at worst, considering Mac’s loyalty over the years.