Finding Solace

It’s easy to get caught up in the stares and dropped jaws, to walk out of here like we don’t belong or that we can stop the gossip before it begins. But I don’t want to. We walk to a tall table in the center of the bar, and I pull out her chair. She whispers, “They’re not talking at all. What do we do?”

She sits down with a big grin on her face. “Give ’em a hot minute to get used to us again and the chatter will begin.”

The bar returns to life like we never walked in, conversations continuing with only a few sideways stares. McGilley calls, “Good to see, Mrs. Cut—Ms. Noelle. It’s been a while.”

“Sure has, Mr. McGilley.”

“First drink is on me. What are you having?”

I laugh, reaching across the table with my palm up. When she slips her hand in mine, I say, “I got her covered. Thanks, though.”

Delilah blushes for me, but then says, “Two bottles of your best.”

Sliding off the stool, I tap the table. “Be right back.”

McGilley sets the bottles down and eyes Delilah over my shoulder. “She never comes in anymore.”

“Maybe things are changing.”

“For the better, I’d say.”

The lines deepen around his eyes and the smile is more sympathy than happiness. Like any good bartender, he prefers to listen over talking, but something’s on his chest that he needs to get off, so I stay. “Say what’s on your mind.”

When he stretches his hands wide before me, you’d think he was working a farm instead of a tap by his calloused hands. “If you ever get the chance, tell her we’re sorry.”

I wasn’t expecting that, but it’s felt deep within me because I understand on some level. On another, though, this town stood by and witnessed it. “You should tell her yourself.”

He nods. “Beers are still on me tonight.”

I hold one up. “Thanks.”

When I turn around, Billy’s pulled a chair up like he intends to stay. He flicks the bill of his cap and grins. “What’s up?”

Setting the beers down, I reply, “Night out is all.”

“Cheers to that.”

We toast and then drink. “Good week?” I ask him.

“Got caught up in an auction for a calf midweek, and everything went to shit after that. Been meaning to mention the county fair is coming up in a few weeks.”

Delilah says, “Wow, I haven’t been in years. I want to go.” With her chair closer to mine, she rubs my leg under the table. “Maybe you can win me a giant bear or something I can cuddle with.”

“I thought I was your cuddle bear?” What the fuck did I just ask? Cuddle bear? Billy looks disgusted, so I’m quick to add, “God, forget I ever said that. That is seriously chop your balls off talk.”

“I thought it was cute,” she says through her laughter. “Cuddle bear.”

“No. We’re not doing that. That name is not happening.” I down my beer. “McGilley, another round please.”

Billy finishes his beer, and then says, “It’s good to know that even the great Jason Koster has a soft side.”

“No,” I say, “it’s not great to know. Nobody needs to know that.”

Delilah’s still laughing. “He doesn’t, Billy. He’s hard all over. Trust me.”

Billy stands. “This conversation has gone south fast, and I don’t need to hear it. I think there’s a lonely girl over there looking for company.”

Shoving his shoulder, I follow his gaze. “She’s staring straight at you, so I think she found her next victim.” He walks off just as Sabrina Smith shows up with a straight face and an ax to grind. “Well, if it isn’t Miss Freeland County herself. What brings you out, Delilah?”

“Sabrina,” she replies, giving her the courtesy of acknowledgment but not much else. It’s entertaining to watch. Anyway, we both know Sabrina came over on a mission. Sabrina has always been fairly harmless, but she’s bold enough to get on your nerves fast. It’s almost impressive how quick on the draw she is tonight. We just have to wait until she’s bored with us. Looking around the bar, I wait until her scrutinizing glare lands back on me. “No hello, Jason?”

“Hello.”

“After all we shared, too.”

She loves to tell lies about us hooking up. It never happened, but years after high school, she still holds on to them like they’ll turn into reality if she continues dragging it out. Delilah shifts, causing me to give her the attention she deserves. I don’t want her uncomfortable, so I reply, “Nothing ever happened between us, Sabrina. Your memory seems as foggy as ever.”

“It did, too. You’re just choosing to hide the truth—”

“Sharing a microscope in biology our sophomore year doesn’t count as intimacy. It was an assigned partner project. I had no choice.”

She rubs Delilah’s shoulder with a satisfied smile on her face. “See? He remembers. Anywho, where’s that handsome husband of yours, Delilah?”