Of course everyone blamed it on the loss of my little brother. That was sad as all hell, but I didn’t even have a chance to mourn him, because I was too busy trying to keep mom from finding out, trying to keep our world from unraveling even more than it already had.
I was nervous all the time and started to hover over mom and the baby as if my being there would make up for his absence somehow.
Mom seemed tired a lot lately, and she didn’t fix herself up as much, but that was to be expected with a new baby, though she had servants to help out.
But the worst of it, the absolute sign that my life was about to be disrupted in a most horrid way was the yelling and the fighting.
In all my life, I’d never heard my dad say a cross word to my mother. In fact, he seemed to worship her.
Now, it’s as if he can’t stand to be in the same room with her. I don’t remember the last time I saw him kiss her, not even in goodbye.
He still found time for the baby, and for me sometimes, but not as much as before.
When he was at home, he was always shut away in his office or downstairs in the game room.
It was there I had caught them in the early summer. I had built up my courage to confront dad about what he was doing to mom.
I’d found her crying in the greenhouse and instead of going to her, I’d left her there and ran back to my room to think.
I knew if something wasn’t done, that my family would be lost.
I’d waited until late at night, when I was sure that mom would be asleep. She was in the habit of taking sleep aids now, and the nanny was responsible for the baby during the night.
At first, I thought that the nanny might be the one he was with down there when I heard the noises.
I’m not a complete dweeb, I know the sounds of sex when I hear them, but still my feet kept moving.
In a small part of my mind, I knew that I would find my father there with someone other than my mom.
But another part of me couldn’t accept; so I kept moving until I was standing in the shadows looking down at the two bodies as they moved together.
I remember thinking how weirdly beautiful sex looked. I became frozen in place, a scream of horror trapped in my throat.
I couldn’t see her face his body covered her completely. All I saw were her feet and part of her legs as they wrapped around him, seeming to be pulling his body into the one beneath it.
I don’t remember how I got back up the stairs, but I do remember having the sense to hide so I could see who she was.
Thinking that maybe if I knew who she was, I could talk to this person at a later time and tell her what she was doing to our family.
I sat there for a while before I heard them heading up the stairs. I got shakily to my feet and peered around the corner.
My gasp was so loud I was sure it would be heard, but they did not turn back to me.
I went to bed that night more afraid than I’d ever been before. The pain in my stomach intensified and a hate grew along with it.
I hated my father from that day until now. I wasn’t sure what hurt most. That he was cheating on my mother, or that he was doing it with someone who had made my life a living hell?
I didn’t know what to do; there was no way I was confronting that snake, I know her only too well. She’d get even more pleasure out of knowing that she’s hurting me.
She’d come to the house, what did that mean? That she didn’t care if mom found out? But then what? After she breaks up my family does she get to marry my dad?
The thought had sent me to the bathroom to throw up.
It’s been months now and I still haven’t figured out what to do. Mom seems to be coming back to herself, but dad hasn’t gone back to the way things were.
If I tell mom now it will only destroy her and all the progress she’s made will be for nothing.
Sian is the only one who’s picked up on something being wrong, then again, she’s the closest thing to a friend that I’ve ever had.
But I can’t tell even her. If anything is to be done, I’ll have to be the one to do it.
“Where’s your dad?” Just as I expected, that was mom’s first question. She looked so hopeful with her hair all done up and her nails done.
She hadn’t done stuff like that in a long time. I use to be mad at her for that, for letting her self go after the baby and everything. Use to think that it was her fault that dad did the things he did.
Now I feel ashamed of myself for having thought that. After all the research, I now knew that it was unfair of dad not to have been there for his family.
“Uh, I think he got hung up at the shoot or something, it’s no problem, Sian brought me home.”
“Well, did you girls have fun?” I could see the stark disappointment in her eyes and felt like I was contributing to her suffering.
How could I not tell her? What kind of daughter am I? I felt like I was bleeding inside and wanted to bash dad in his stupid face until he came to his senses.
I should just tell mom everything now and be done with it. I didn’t want to carry this filthy secret inside me any more.
Instead I kept my silence and told her all about our plans for the upcoming party and the big game the next day.