Well those two and Track, but I knew where he stood already so I didn’t even bother to ask. I also knew that I wasn’t ready to share what I’d seen and heard that night I’d been outside her house, not yet anyway, and not with everyone here.
“I already told them to get fucked so it’s too late.”
“You can always change your mind.” This was true and they had a valid argument, one that was beginning to make sense to me even though it left a bad taste in my mouth.
I can’t believe I was actually contemplating this shit, it felt kind of disrespectful to my baby that I would even give it any play.
But I kept coming back to the fact that it might be the only way for me to get to the truth. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to get the person who’d fucking hurt her and make them pay.
I looked back over to where she was sitting and tried to imagine what that shit would look like, me pretending to be Mandy’s boyfriend while she recovered her memory.
Could I put her through something like that, no matter the cause? And how the fuck would I even pull it off, when I can’t even stomach the idea of Mandy?
I tried to imagine if the tables were turned and Sian was in my shoes, and I actually laughed my ass off. She’d be fucking dead.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my parents’ relationship, it’s respect. I know down to my soul that if I did this shit it would be disrespectful to my girl, no matter the reasoning behind it; but the question still remained, will it help me get closer to the answers I was looking for?
The ball game was put on hold as the guys played around with different scenarios. I was dead set against having anything to do with this shit, but some of their arguments made sense.
My only stumbling block, well there were two of them. How the fuck would I pull it off believably, and what the fuck would I do with Sian if I went there?
If I did it I knew there was no way I would ever touch her, but just the thought of being in the same room with her, or even letting her think that we were still together for even a second, fucked with my head.
There was a slight chance that she was for real, that her memory really was gone, though I was more inclined to believe that she was full of shit; but what if?
In the end I decided to discuss the shit with Sian later. The only reason I would even contemplate doing this shit is for her anyway.
We still didn’t know who’d attacked her and why, and the longer we went without any answers, the more worried I became that we’d never know. I can’t live with that shit.
As repulsive as I’d first found the idea, it seemed to be growing on me now as my anger was pushed aside by practicality. If I needed to get close to her in order to get to the truth, then I might have to put my personal feelings aside and go for it.
“Let’s play, I can’t think about this shit right now, it’s fucking with my head.” We headed onto the court, the discussion tabled for the time being, but it never left my thoughts.
I only hope that if I had to do this shit it wouldn’t be too much for Sian. But somehow I think I knew what her answer was going to be already.
CASSANDRA
I barely overheard a little bit of what the boys were saying as I pretended to be interested in something in the gardens beyond the basketball court, after I’d heard what Jace’s dad had said to him about that phone call.
They hadn’t even noticed me thank heavens or they would’ve noticed my reaction. So she was still alive, and now awake, that sucked. I was hoping she’d die, even after she’d been found, but it looks like she’d escaped once again.
I was a nervous wreck the rest of the afternoon while the others laughed and played around me. Sian kept studying me though, so I had to put on my smiley face as I bided my time and counted down the hours ‘til I could respectfully leave. I needed to go home and think in the confines of my room.
Both of my parents had been acting strange this morning at breakfast, strange meaning they were almost back to normal, at least that was something. But now with her still in the picture instead of six feet under, who knows how long that will last?
“Cassie are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been so quiet all day, aren’t you having fun?”
I walked over to sit next to Sian who had been confined to the lounge chair by Jace, who kept throwing her looks every so often as if to make sure she was following orders.
“I’m fine, just thinking about some stuff I have to do at home.”
“Oh, do you need to leave? Because I will totally understand if you do! You don’t have to stay here keeping me company if you have stuff to do.”
“No it’s okay, I’ll stay for a little while longer.” I didn’t want to call too much attention to myself by acting weird, so I’d better get my act together.
No one knew about Mandy and my dad, and I was glad now that I hadn’t shared what I knew with anyone. It would only have made things a lot more difficult.
If her memory was gone did that mean it would never return, or was it only temporary? And more importantly, was it really gone?
I had to find out more before I made a move, but this time, no matter what, I was not about to let her destroy my family. I had to stifle my thoughts as I sat there among my friends who had no idea of the turmoil I was going through.