Off the Record (With Me in Seattle Mafia 3)

Chapter 2

~Annika~

No matter how much I try or how long I stand under the hot water, it won’t wash away the filth I’ve seen or done. It won’t make me feel clean.

I turn off the taps and reach for a towel, wrap my hair, and then grab another for my body.

I’m actually relieved that I don’t have to go sit on a plane today. I don’t have to keep my shit together. I can hide away in this pretty room.

Once I’m dry, I pull a fluffy robe around me and get into bed, pulling the covers over my head.

And feel the tears come.

I thought that with Richard gone, I’d be able to forget about all of the horrible things he did and made me do and move on with my life.

But he just keeps hurting me, even from the grave.

“A?”

I sigh at Nadia’s knock, then fling the covers back and walk to the door. I unlock it and crack it open.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in? I brought provisions.”

“I’m coming!” Ivie hurries down the hallway, out of breath. “I have the coffee.”

“Come on in.” I turn away and lie on the bed once more, but don’t cover my face with the blankets. “I’m not really in the mood for a party, though. And I feel awful about this, Nadia. You’re supposed to be off on your honeymoon, having wild sex and relaxing. I didn’t mean to fuck that up for you.”

“I already told you,” Nadia replies as she passes me a maple bar, “I’m still going, just a few days later than planned. This isn’t your fault.”

“Yes.” I take a bite, but it just feels like cardboard in my mouth. “It is my fault.”

“I personally think it’s a waste of time to argue about fault,” Ivie says and sits on the bench at the end of the bed, facing me. “I’m quite sure you didn’t hire someone to blackmail you at Nadia’s wedding.”

I take another bite. “No. That would be dumb.”

“Exactly.” Nadia grins at me, but her blue eyes are full of worry. “Honey, let’s not talk about the blackmail part because that’s being handled. What I want to know is, what’s in those photos? Tell me they’re photoshopped and it’s not you.”

It would be so easy to deny it. To take that line and insist that it isn’t me in the pictures.

But I don’t like to lie. And I’m not good at it.

“I didn’t find out until after we got married that Rich was into some really weird stuff. At least, weird to me. There are people in the lifestyle, consensually, who enjoy it. But, I’m not one of them.”

“Are you telling me he made you do that? That’s rape, Annika.” Ivie scowls.

“I guess I had a choice. I could either agree to it, or he would punish me for days if I said no. Sometimes, the punishment was worse than just going along with him. I had no idea that I was being recorded.”

I pace over to the windows and look out across the green, manicured grounds of the estate. The cleanup crew is here, disassembling the gorgeous wedding that took several months to plan.

“Someday, we’re going to unpack all of this baggage that Dick brought into your life,” Nadia says. “And the carry-on luggage that I carry because Alex had a hand in it.”

“We all need therapy,” Ivie adds and takes a sip of her coffee. “We’re some fucked-up people.”

“I think we’re pretty great,” I say, watching my best friends fuss over me. “We may be fucked-up in some ways, but we’re awesome in plenty of others.”

“Hell yes, we are,” Nadia agrees. “Do you think it’s smart to go back to Denver right now? We could all stay here for a little longer. It’s safer. I don’t like the thought of you being in that big house alone when these assholes are out there carrying a grudge.”

“I’m selling the house,” I announce. “It goes on the market next week. I don’t want to live there. Too many memories.”

I won’t even get into the fact that one of the photos in that awful envelope was taken in my basement.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Ivie says. “It’s a lot of house for one person anyway.”

“I think I want a condo. Downtown. Something close to restaurants and shopping.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Nadia says. “You know I love house hunting, so if you want help looking, I’m your girl.”

“Count me in,” Ivie agrees. “Okay, I have to go work my computer skills for my fiancé. He thinks I’m hot when I’m typing away at a keyboard. Maybe I’ll wear something sexy, just to make things fun.”

I laugh and reach for another donut. “Keep us posted. And maybe call a doctor because I’m pretty sure we’re about to put ourselves into sugar shock with all of these donuts.”