Love You Always

Oh God. How the heck am I going to tell him? The thought of losing him is almost unbearable but I know that my baby has to come first. It’s something that I never experienced during my childhood. This little angel growing inside of me will know that they are loved and wanted. Ethan may be ready to love me but with me comes our baby. This was what I was afraid of all along.

I reach up, turning the water off, grab the towel off the heated rack and begin to dry myself. I need to get it together. My hand stops when I get to my belly. Even though I’m not showing, I can tell that my body is changing.

I want so badly to tell Ethan but after this morning I’m not sure what I should do. I sigh and continue getting ready. I text Mia, letting her know that I need to see her. I throw my hair up in a ponytail, put some mascara on and head into the bedroom to put some clothes on.

When I come out of the closet fully dressed I see Ethan sitting on the chair in the corner of the room. I often find him there when I wake up. It should probably creep me out that he watches me sleep but it doesn’t.

In a weird way I find him always being there reassuring. It gives me hope that he will do the same in my life but that thought is too scary. To believe that and then have it taken away if he decides that one day he doesn’t want me anymore would devastate me.

I think he’d watch me from the bed if he trusted himself more. He is holding back sex from me. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he always gets me off. I shouldn’t be too upset about it but I want him back inside of me. To feel as close to him as I can get. I was surprised when I woke up today and he wasn't there. I knew I’d find him in the kitchen.

“I can hire movers?” he says, motioning me to come to him.

“Movers?” I rest one hand on his shoulder while the other goes to his short hair. I enjoy messing it up. He never seems to mind. He’s in a new pair of slacks and one of his crisp buttoned-up shirts. His sleeves are rolled up, showing off his tattoos that I’ve learned he got after his father died. They had been an outlet for him when he was struggling to find out who he was supposed to be. I am still trying to figure out who the hell I am.

“You said you need to get more things from your place.” He gives a shrug as he lifts his hands to my hips, pulling me until I'm standing in between his open legs.

“I meant more clothes.” I let out a small laugh.

“You should just move in. Unless you don’t like my place. We can find something else.” He leans in, kissing my stomach over my sweater. The air in my lungs freezes for a moment. “We could live in your place if you want but I’d want to amp up security then.”

I shake my head no. “Your place is fine,” I say, still in a little bit of shock that he kissed my stomach.

“Movers then?”

“I think I’ll want to pack some myself. Organize.” I lift my hands from him. “In fact, I’ll do that today. I have nothing else going on since I’m not working. I’ll have Mia come over and help. We need some girl time. She’s going to kill me if we don’t hang out soon.” Ethan’s hold on my hips tightens.

All true. I need to talk to Mia. I might even call Kim, her sister-in-law who I’ve been friends with for years. I don’t know why I didn't think of that before. If anyone would know things about Ethan it would be her. She roamed in the circles of the elite. Her brother is, after all, Max Kennedy.

“I’m guessing you don’t want me around for this girls’ talk?” He releases his hold a little, but his thumbs continue drifting back and forth across me. “You always leave the room when you're on the phone for any amount of time. If I didn’t hear Mia’s voice when you answered I might get jealous.”

“Good. You should be jealous,” I tease him. Okay, maybe not a full-on tease. I like the idea of him being jealous over me.

“Jealousy is one thing I’ll never lack when it comes to you.” He stands. I have to tilt my head back now to look up at him. “You have no idea the crazy thoughts I had about you all those months you were gone.”

“Me too,” I admit.