Deviant (Boys of Winter 3)

“But you don’t share.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t.”

Tears threaten to well in my eyes, but I hold them back as my hand slips behind my back to grab hold of the door handle, far too stubborn to allow Carver to see me break right now. “Then you have no choice but to lose me,” I tell him, my voice breaking as a lump grows in my throat and threatens the oxygen flowing in and out. “As much as I want that too, I won’t give them up for anything.”

Carver pulls back so his intense stare is locked on mine, and even in this darkened room, I can still make out every little speckle of brown, green, and gold deep within his eyes. Without a single word, he reaches around me and his hand finds mine over the door handle. He twists, and not a second later, the door pops open behind me. He takes a step back, allowing me space to open it properly and walk out.

I don’t look at him, fearing what I might see in his eyes, and fearing that if I did, I would take it all back and run straight into his warm arms.

I step out of his room, the cool air in the hallway stealing my breath, and as the door slams shut, the finality cripples me. Standing out in the hallway, I struggle to put the distance between us—the distance we so desperately need. So, I just stand … stand here as my heart shatters into a million pieces.

A second passes, and then another, and after a minute, I finally feel as if I can maybe hold myself together. So without missing another beat, I storm down the hallway with my head an absolute mess and push through King’s bedroom door.

The lights are on and his room is filled with steam from the open bathroom door. I hear his shower running and suck in a breath, knowing that being with one guy to ease the pain of another is no way to handle my feelings, but I need to. I need King to help take the pain away before I break.

I storm into King’s bathroom to find him standing in the shower. His hand is propped against the tiles and his head hangs into the water, and judging by the steam rolling out in large clouds, I don’t doubt that the water is scalding hot.

Perfect.

Hearing me race in, King’s head whips up. He eyes me for less than a second before his brows furrow, leaving me wondering just how fucked up Carver must have left me to have King so instantly concerned about my well-being. “What did he do?” King demands, anger flickering over his expression.

I shake my head while grabbing the hem of my tank and pulling it up over my head. My jeans go next, and as I step into his boiling hot shower and his arms fall around me, my desperation shines as bright as a diamond. “No … I can’t,” I say as the water rushes over me, the heat instantly helping. “Please … just make me forget. Fuck me until the pain goes away.”

“Babe …”

“Please, King,” I beg, looking up into his warm, ocean blue eyes. “I just … I can’t talk about it yet. Just take my mind off it for a moment and I promise, afterwards, I’ll give you answers, but right now … I just … I need to ease the pain before it tears me to pieces.”

King’s lips press into a tight line, and it’s clear he’s not thrilled with using sex as a means to avoid my feelings, but he’s not going to say no when seeing the desperation in my eyes. He’d do absolutely anything to ease my pain, even if it went against everything he believes in.

His knuckles sweep over the stitches just below my ribs. “You good?”

I nod. “I can handle it,” I whisper as the water runs over my face. “I don’t want you to be gentle.”

King narrows his eyes, and before he’s even said a word, I know he’s reading me better than I could ever read myself, and for once, I’m not so fucking thrilled about it. “I’m not about to use sex as a way to punish you for whatever the fuck just went down between you and Carver. I’ll fuck you and it’ll be hard, but it’s going to be on our terms, between you and me. Your shit with Carver stays out in the fucking hallway.”

I go to pull out of his arms, knowing damn well that he’s not about to give me what I need. There’s no way that I’m able to leave my feelings for Carver out of this. The whole reason I’m standing in his fucking shower is because I can’t process my goddamn feelings.