This area was relatively secluded, five minutes out of town and up a winding, poorly maintained road. The rogue beer bottles told me that this was more of a spot for bored teenagers than mothers pushing children in strollers. But it was still broad daylight, and there was nowhere to hide.
I still got naked in front of my fiancé.
Then with me naked and shaking—despite the warmth—Jay undressed. Completely.
“Hands and knees. On the ground, ass facing me,” he commanded when he was magnificently naked and magnificently aroused.
I licked my lips and did as he said, the dirt soft and cool, my limbs thrumming with desire despite the fact that this felt animalistic and insane. Because it felt animalistic and insane.
Jay lowered himself behind me, his cock pressing into my entrance which was already soaking wet because he had me naked on my hands and knees in the dirt in the middle of the fucking day. Apparently, that turned me on. Big time.
He kissed the back of my neck. “I’m always going to hurt you, Stella,” he murmured, teasing me with his cock rubbing against me. “But I’ll never stop loving you, never stop breathing you, always fucking starve for you.”
Then he was inside me, brutal, deep, magnificent.
I cried out. Loudly. My cry echoed off the trees.
Jay grasped a handful of my hair, yanking my head back, causing pain to explode in my scalp while pleasure coursed through my blood.
His other hand was biting into the flesh of my hip as he fucked me, a deep growl echoing from the back of his throat. That sound sent me over the edge, crying out once more, clenching around him. He pulled at my hair tighter and didn’t stop. Didn’t stop fucking me in the dirt. Not until I came again.
Yeah, it was incredibly fucked up and wrong that I felt healed from basically rutting in the dirt like an animal with my fiancé, but that was me. That was us.
Chapter 10
One Month Later
The death of my mother was a ripple in my life. In our lives. But it was not a tidal wave. Mostly, I was worried for my father, worried about the blame he’d place on himself. Males, especially alpha males who loved fiercely, tended to blame themselves for anything that happened to their women, even if it was outside of their control. Especially if it was outside of their control.
Jay watched me carefully, which was saying something since his attention had already been so focused and intense on me before. I wondered if he was waiting for me to crack, maybe for the illness that had killed my mother to slip through those cracks. For pieces of me to shatter and slowly grind down to dust until there was nothing left of who I was. Or maybe that was just me.
I had my moments, of course.
But there was always Wren with wine. Zoe with her firm reasons whenever I started to spiral over myself having the same fate, and Yasmin to listen, to pull up studies, medical journals, offers to set me up with neurologists. Then there was Jay, there was always Jay.
We’d recovered from Felicity. I had taken a while to completely forgive him, and I’d never understand why he’d had her in the house for so long, but we got over it. Our relationship was not going to be without bumps, without huge fucking valleys and mountains. I’d come to terms with the fact that Jay was going to give me new scars while he helped me come to terms with old ones. And I was okay with that. Because of the live I had with him. The life that I loved.
And I truly loved what we had. Loved that I went to sleep with him every single night, loved that no matter what, I came home to him. Or he came home to me. But despite this—or maybe because of it—it was hard leaving him. Even if it was for a dinner with Wren and the girls which I was looking forward to because Wren was the only one who even kind of understood what it was like, being in a relationship with someone like Jay.
Even though there was no one even remotely like Jay.
Or Karson for that matter.
It was good to talk to her about the craziness of their lives. Of our lives now. Craziness, which it seemed was only going to get crazier.
“I’m going to put someone on you from now on,” Jay informed me as I gathered my things and put them in my purse.
I glanced up at him from where he was watching me on the bed. His laptop was perched on his lap, and he was still wearing his shirt and pants. He hadn’t taken them off when he’d fucked me on my hands and knees in our closet. I’d had to change my outfit plans since there were carpet burns on my knees now. I didn’t mind one bit. He’d left me to get ready, only to grab the laptop from his office and work from bed. If we were both at home, we were close. Never in separate rooms. Jay only went behind closed doors when he got a phone call that made his face close off. When Karson entered the house looking grim—which was not much different from Karson’s regular expression —or when he left our bed in the middle of the night without explanation as to where he was going.