“That’s the rumor. ” I nodded with a smile.
“Plus, if he pushes you away, then you won’t be the one who left him. He’ll be the one who made you leave,” Dean added defiantly.
I glared at my little brother for his openness in such a public space. I glanced around, making sure no one was too close to overhear.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere. ” Cassie put her hand on top of mine and squeezed. “So don’t try to make me. ”
Relief coursed through my body with her reassurance. I had spent so much of my life convinced that no girl would ever want to be with the real me, that I’d never given anyone a chance to prove me wrong. If my own mom didn’t love me enough to stay, how would anyone else?
“Jesus, I’ve never met two people more scared to let someone love them than the two of you,” Melissa remarked with a frown.
I opened my mouth to protest when she continued, her ponytail bobbing from side to side as she moved her head. “And don’t even try to deny it. You’re both all messed up from your stupid parents. Cassie here,” she lifted her hand in Cassie’s direction, “with her dad’s constant lies and inability to follow through on even the simplest, most mundane thing, has been disappointed and let down most of her life. ”
Her hand pointed in my direction. “And you, with your mom up and leaving, telling you it was your fault because you were a bad kid. You’re convinced that no one will ever stick around. That eventually, they’ll leave you too. And somewhere in your twisted, screwed-up psyche, you probably think you deserve it. ”
Melissa had finally dragged my sorry story out of me, late one night when the three of us were hanging out at their apartment. Cassie had kept her promise and hadn’t told her best friend, so it was up to me to fill Melissa in. Damn, it seemed like such a good idea at the time.
Melissa took a quick breath and then delivered her final assessment. “You’re both so screwed up alone that together you’re like the perfect mess. ”
The table fell briefly silent as her rant sank in. I thought about protesting, but wasn’t sure she was all that wrong.
“That’s an attractive analogy. Thanks for saying I’m screwed up. ” Cassie’s voice was sharp, her feelings clearly hurt.
I shot Melissa a murderous glare before reaching for Cassie’s chin and turning her face to mine. “I’ll be the perfect mess with you anytime. ”
Cassie quickly swiped under her eye and leaned her head against my shoulder. She released a deep sigh. “Melissa just doesn’t know anything about having messed-up parents. Hers are perfect. She can’t relate. ”
“Hey! It’s not my fault I won the parent lottery. ” Melissa eyed Cassie. “Plus, we both know I’m not strong enough to deal with the shit you’ve dealt with. I would’ve had a nervous breakdown by now. I could never handle everything your dad’s put you through. ”
Cassie’s body shook lightly against mine as she released a slight laugh, causing the tension in my chest and back to release. I realized in that moment that her feelings affected my own. I’d never let anyone hurt her as long as I was around. And if they did, I’d sure as hell make them pay for it.
“I don’t know if it’s because I’m strong or because I’ve gotten really good at turning off my emotions,” Cassie commented, her voice soft.
“It’s definitely both. ” Melissa turned to me. “And Jack, I’ve never seen anyone completely shut off the way this one can. ” Her head tilted toward Cass. “If you push her too far, she’ll flick off like a light switch. It’s scary. ”
“Really? That’s impressive,” I teased as my fingers caressed her side.
“You won’t feel that way if she does it to you. Trust me. ” Melissa’s face was the scary kind of serious.
“Well, I hope I never have to see it. ”
“If I didn’t compartmentalize, I’d never be able to function! It’s the only way I can survive without being a total basket case. ” Cassie’s face was serious as she defended herself.
“I get it, Kitten. Still impressive. ” I smiled as she looked up at me.
“So when do you leave for Texas?” Dean’s question changed the subject and broke the tension. Thank God for little brothers, especially those who can talk around a mouthful of cheeseburger.
“We fly out Thursday morning. Why?”
“Just wondering. ”
Cassie sat upright and turned to face me. “What do you do when you’re there? Like how does it work? Do you practice? Do parents go?”
Cassie always had a million questions about everything, but it turned me on. She was so damn inquisitive and smart. “Well, we typically fly in the day before our games start. We check in at the hotel. We’ll have practice and work out and have dinner as a team. Some parents go, but not many. ”
“Does everyone get their own room?” she asked, her voice half impressed, half shocked.
“No. ” I let out a laugh. “We share rooms. ”