“I will.”
“Thanks.”
And he was gone.
I called Jack later that night to tell him that I hadn’t seen Cassie that day. It was the truth. Actually, I had seen her from the other side of campus, but I figured the last thing she needed was me drawing attention to her, so instead of shouting her name like I’d usually do, I left her alone.
He hounded me for days after that, asking how she was, how she looked, and if she’d mentioned him. And when I did finally run into her, I was stunned. She looked like a person who had lost everything—her face was pale, her eyes sad. It fucking hurt to look at her, and I was thankful Jack couldn’t see her like this.
On the latest nightly call, Jack interrupted me as I was in my room, trying to study. He started out with the usual questions and I tried to avoid telling him specifics, pretending that I still hadn’t seen her, but he called me out on my bullshit and insisted that I had to have seen her by now.
“You’re not going to like it,” I said, trying to warn him, hoping he’d back off.
“Tell me. How is she? How does she look? She’s not responding to any of my texts.”
“Wait. You’re texting her?” I asked, surprised when I probably should have been anything but.
“I just want her to know how sorry I am, and how much I love her. And how fucking lost I am without her.”
“Jesus, Jack. You can’t do that to her.” I flopped down on my bed, wanting to strangle my brother. How could he be so insensitive?
“Do what?”
“You think those kinds of texts are helping? No wonder she looks like a damn zombie. She can’t get past this if you don’t let her. You can’t keep saying things like that to her if you’re not coming home to fix it.”
“What do you want me to do?” he shouted. “You want me to just go away and pretend we never existed?”
“No. But I want you to stop being selfish and texting her because it makes you feel better. It’s mean, Jack,” I said, hoping he’d see my point of view. If he didn’t plan on coming home to fight for her, then he needed to let her go.
“I just want her to know how sorry I am, and that I’d do anything if I could make this right,” he said, his voice cracking.
“She knows. Deep down, she knows all of that already. You don’t have to keep reminding her.”
“You’re right. I’ll stop.” His voice was hesitant, and I imagined his face all pinched with pain. “I’ll stop.”
“I’ll call you if anything changes,” I told him.
“Thanks. You haven’t said anything to Gran, have you?” he asked, and I felt my back stiffen.
“No, but you’ve gotta tell her too. She knows something’s up, but she’s just stopped asking me at this point.”
“I will,” he said, but I wasn’t reassured.
“Soon?” Hopefully I wouldn’t have to keep this lie to myself for much longer.
“Soon.”
“And Marc and Ryan too?” I asked, wanting to be sure all the bases were covered. All the people Jack trusted in his life needed to be involved in this. “But I’m sure they’ll tell you the same thing I did. To freaking make sure it’s actually yours before you do anything crazy like stay there forever.”
“I know
it’s mine. She brought over all these charts with timelines and dates on them and shit. She has prescriptions and all this paperwork. It looks legit.”
I breathed out in frustration. “I’m not saying that she isn’t really pregnant, Jack. I’m just saying to make sure it’s yours, is all.”
“I already told you I’m staying here,” he said, sounding agitated. “I want to be a part of my kid’s life, Dean, and this is the only way.”
I bit back the things I really wanted to say. I wanted to scream and curse at Jack, to smack him upside the head and try to beat some sense into him, but it was useless.