No Bad Days (Fisher Brothers 1)

“That’s it?” Her eyes implored me as she nervously twisted the silver ring on her finger.

“It’s the best thing for your future. I get it.”

She stared at me as if expecting something else, but I wasn’t sure exactly what. The table between us felt like an ocean.

“I dunno, Jess. What the hell do you want me to say?”

“How about something along the lines of we’ll be okay. Or that my leaving is no big deal, and we’ll figure it out.” She waved her hands in the air, her agitation rising. “I mean, I know it’s obviously not ideal, but I was thinking—”

“No.” My voice was firm, my resolute tone surprising even me.

Jess froze and dropped her hands. “No, what?”

Northern California was practically another world away. Hell, it should be considered another state with how far it was. And Jess still had two years left of school while I was on the verge of graduating. There was no way that I would allow her to split her attention between her classes and me. There was absolutely no way that I’d do to her what my old man had done to me, making me feel like I had no choice in my own life.

Girls were emotional—I knew that fact all too well—and if things got weird or bad between us, there was no doubt in my mind that Jess would put me first, before herself. She would put us first. I could practically see it in my head already, her hauling ass back here to fix whatever was wrong between us without giving it a second thought. And as much as I loved her for that, I could never let her do it. She’d skip classes, miss tests, do whatever it took to make us okay.

I’d never forgive myself if I was the reason Jess didn’t get what she’d always dreamed of. She needed to be able to concentrate all her energy on her schooling, on her future, and the best thing I could do for her was to remove myself from the equation completely, no matter how badly it hurt either of us in the process.

This wasn’t about me, and for once in my life when it came to a girl, I was making a decision that was the best one for her. She’d see that eventually. I knew she would.

“I don’t do long-distance relationships,” I said in a curt tone, ignoring the warning bells that rang in my head. My heart pounded, revolting against the lie that had just left my mouth.

“You don’t do long-distance relationships?” She repeated my words back to me as her eyes filled with tears. “But I love you.”

Her voice was so broken, so shattered, that I almost fell to my knees on the floor and begged for her forgiveness. It was the first time either of us had said those words to each other, and she was saying them now while I was breaking her heart.

I lowered my head, refusing to meet her questioning gaze, knowing it would kill me to look at her right now. “I can’t do it, Jess. I’m sorry,” I said, lying again.

I’d never dated anyone long-distance before, but I would have done it for her. I would have done anything for this girl if I thought it was the best thing for her. But one quick glimpse into the future and I was terrified. I was so damn scared that I’d be the reason she moved back home or gave up her education, that it stopped all other reason from entering my brain.

Her face was anguished when I finally gained the balls to look at her. “Have you ever tried? Being with someone long-distance, I mean?”

“No, but I know myself. Hell, you know me. I can’t date you long-distance. It won’t fucking work, and you know it.”

“I thought we were different,” she said sadly.

I wanted to scream that we were. I wanted to remind her that every single thing about her was different, but I kept my mouth firmly shut.

Her eyes started to fill again, the blue of them turning a shade brighter with her tears, and the sight of it felt like a kick to the gut. “Nick, you’re not even trying. We can talk every day on the phone, or we can video chat. I’ll come down and see you every weekend that I can. I’ll come back all the time for you. And you can come up.”

See? She was already putting us before everything else, and I refused to be more important than her goals, no matter what my dad insisted the girl in my life should be like. I wouldn’t take away her choices when I never had any. I wouldn’t make her feel like she had to choose.

“I’m graduating this year, Jess. I’ll be working for my dad in a month. I won’t have any free time, and neither will you once you get up there. You’ll see. This isn’t a good idea.”

“You won’t even try?”

Fuck yes, I’d try. I’d do anything for you. “No. There’s no point.”

“But, Nick . . .”

The tears finally spilled down her cheeks. It killed me to be the one causing them, but I had to stay strong. I had to hurt us in the short term to make sure she had a successful long term. I’d had enough practice being an asshole to girls in the past, but it fucking murdered me to act this way toward her.

“Because it won’t work, Jess. I can’t do it. I can’t have a girlfriend who’s hundreds of miles away. I’m sorry. I wish I was a stronger guy, but I’m not. I’m not built for that kind of shit. I’d ruin everything we built in a week, and you?

??d never forgive me for it.”

The words were bitter, tasting all wrong as they spilled from my lips. Part of me hoped she’d believe the lies, while the rest of me prayed she knew me better than that.