No Bad Days (Fisher Brothers 1)

“I know.” I grimaced. “I know what I did. I know every single lie that I told you and made you believe. I shouldn’t have done it. I should have just been honest with you, but I knew you wouldn’t see reason.”

Shit. That wasn’t the right thing to say, and I realized it immediately.

Jess glared at me. “See reason? You didn’t even let me try. You just decided for both of us.”

I threw my hands up in surrender. “Wrong word choice, sorry. I knew that you wouldn’t let me end things, even if my reasons made sense. Even if it was the last thing I wanted to do, I knew you would tell me no.”

She glared at me for a moment too long, making my heart plummet at the thought that there would be no getting her back. I’d waited too long, pushed her too far.

“You should have been honest.”

“I know. I’ve regretted it every moment of every day since. Please believe that, even if you believe nothing else,” I begged her, not knowing where her head or heart were at.

“What’s your game plan?”

“My what?”

“You had six hours in the car by yourself, Nick. What’d you come up with?”

“Jess.” I shifted around so that I was facing her head-on. “I know I’ve done a lot of things that hurt you. I know I’ve waited too long to try to win you back. I’ve pushed you over the edge time and time again, let you down and disappointed you in more ways than I want to count right now.”

My voice tightened with emotion, and I struggled to control it. “But if you’ll forgive me, or at least tell me that you’ll try, then my game plan includes never doing anything to hurt you ever again. I’ll never let you down. I’ll never disappoint you. I’ll include you in every decision I make, and I won’t keep things from you, no matter what. We’ll be a team, you and me, us against the world, and God help anyone who tries to break us apart or stand in our way.”

“Yeah?” she said, her tone so flat, I couldn’t read her at all.

“Yeah.”

“You really hurt me.”

“I know.”

“You made me think I couldn’t trust you. You made me feel lower than I’d ever felt in my life,” she said.

Her words only twisted the knife in my heart even more. I didn’t blame her, though. I’d never blame her for how she felt when it came to me, to us. I had done this.

“Have to be honest, Jess, that I really hate hearing that. It fucking kills me, okay? It tears me up inside, knowing how I made you feel. But I can’t fix the things I’ve already done. I can only promise you to be a better man going forward. And I am promising you that. I’ll do whatever it takes. Whatever you need me to do. Just tell me.”

I wasn’t above falling to the floor and getting on my knees, my hands in a prayer position, if that’s what it took. I’d do anything. Anything to make this right.

Jess stared at her hands, not meeting my eyes. “I don’t know.”

“Do you still love me? Hell, do you still have any feelings for me at all?”

That got to her. I saw it all over her face.

“Yes,” she said, not specifying which question she was answering, but it didn’t matter.

“Do you want me to leave and never come back?”

Her face fell, and when she met my gaze, her eyes glistened. “No.”

“I’ve suffered, Jess. I know you probably don’t think I have, because you haven’t been the one dishing it out to me, but I swear to you that I’ve suffered on a daily basis without you. Please don’t make me suffer any more if it’s not what you really want. Don’t try to prove a point here. It’s only wasting time, and I don’t want to waste any more time without you.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks at my words.

I was scared to touch her without permission, even though every part of me wanted to claim every part of her again. When I reached toward her, she all but dived into my arms, throwing her arms around my neck and pulling me tight.

“I just don’t want to be stupid,” she mumbled into my shirt. “You hurt me so much, but I still love you. I always thought we’d end up together, but then you got engaged, and I knew there would never be an us again. I hated that the most.”