Dear Heart, I Hate You

Lucas gave me a big grin. “Is that her? Dude, your face.”

“It’s your mom,” I said as I flipped him off.

“Gross.”

Staring at my phone, I hesitated, wondering if I should respond to Jules now or later, but found myself unable to resist.

Dream Lips: Three mil? Chump change. LOL Good luck, babe. You got this.

I smiled as I pressed Send. A response I wasn’t expecting came within seconds.

Jules: I sorta miss you.

Hell. My body instantly relaxed as I read her words. I hadn’t realized until this moment how much I’d wanted Jules to feel that way. Knowing she missed me too made me feel a little less vulnerable. I might have tried to convince myself that I’d be over her in time, but that time was certainly not today.

Dream Lips: I sorta miss you too.

“What’s she saying?” Lucas said, straining to peer over my shoulder to see my texts. “What are you saying?”

“She misses me,” I tried to tell him, but my voice came out funny. I sounded like a damn eighth-grader going through puberty.

“Who wouldn’t?” he said, giving me a duh look, then nudged my shoulder. “You should do it, by the way.”

“Do what?” Confused, I frowned at him, and Lucas nodded at my computer.

“The flowers. You should send her flowers. It’s a nice gesture.”

Sighing, I shook my head. “A nice gesture for what? What would be the point?”

Lucas crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a knowing look. “No girl would ever complain about getting flowers from a guy she just met. It’s obvious you like her, even if you keep trying to convince yourself that you don’t.”

“But I don’t want to give her the wrong idea . . .”

“And what’s that? That you enjoyed meeting her?”

Scowling, I shoved his ass off my desk. “What would you think if I sent you flowers?”

He laughed and shot me a wink. “I’d think that you liked me.”

“Exactly.”

“But you do like me,” he said, making his point.

“Of course I like you. I’m just not sure if I should advertise that fact.”

Lucas paused. “Advertise it! Definitely advertise it. And I like calla lilies. In white,” he said in a stage whisper before walking away.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I opened the floral website again and sent a giant bouquet of mixed flowers to Jules’s office. Lucky for me, she’d mentioned the name of her agency, so I found the address within seconds of searching for it.

Should I be doing this kind of stuff? No, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to. Jules had me breaking every rule, going against my better judgment at every turn. The battle inside me was a struggle, and I didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore.

• • •

The rest of the workday flew by in a blurry haze of numbers, research, and the memory of Jules’s green eyes. There was something captivating about the way a woman looked at you when she wanted you. If you felt the same way about her, it was mesmerizing, sexy. If you weren’t interested, it bordered on creepy.

After I left work, I’d stopped by and spent a couple hours with the kids at the afterschool program, worked out at the gym, and was now sitting in my one-bedroom condo, waiting for my dinner to finish cooking. It was nice that the time difference between Jules and me worked in my favor, leaving me plenty of time to take care of other things and then be free to talk to her.

I had sent her a text earlier asking her when I could call, and she told me she would call when she was done for the day. So I found myself glancing at the clock and waiting for my phone to ring. Like a girl.